New Reality
by Foreverlost98
Summary: Livia Smith is a 16 year old girl with a problem. With a past that's killing her she needs help and fast. Ending up in Ocean Park Hospital, with a swollen heart and anxiety problem, Livia meets the Red Band Society. She creates friendships and starts to form a romance but is Livia capable of love? Will she be able to accept herself? Will she become what she never wanted to be?
1. A New Beginning

"_**Where is he?" I can't hide the panic in my voice.**_

"_**Livia, your father is dead. He killed himself." My stepmother states. **_

_**She stands tall over me, her eyes pierce into me. My heart aches, I can't do this much longer.I can't speak. I can't move. The reality hits me like a tidal wave. The pain in my chest grows. My heartbeat goes faster and faster and faster. The world starts to spin. The room is fading away leaving me standing in a blank space. Then he's there. All I can see is his face. His dark eyes stare at me. I fall to me knees and sob. **_

"_**NO! He can't be!"**_

"_**You killed him Livia, its your fault!"**_

"_**NO!"**_

I sit up in my bed and look around. My breathing is heavy and I start to panic. It takes me a minute to realize I'm at home. I'm fine.

"It's just a dream Livia, it's just a dream." I have to remind myself everyday.

I've had this dream for months now. I can't sleep. I panic all the time. And there's a deep pain in my chest constantly. I can't tell anyone about my anxiety or my pain. Everyone always tells me how good of a person I am after everything I've been through. I can't be this girl. I can't be me. Living the lie is all that I do now.

It's been 9 months since I moved here. I haven't seen or talked to my dad since. I live with my mom and grandparents now. My mom, who's trying to recover from years of alcohol and drug abuse, is always gone. I know why, but remember, I have to live the lie. My grandma takes care of me. I can honestly say she's my best friend. I can't tell her though. I can't tell anyone how I am. My twin and brother turned out fine. I have to too. I can't be broken.

I pull off my covers and swing my legs over my bed. For a minute I sit, with my head in my hands. I need to calm down. I'm shaking and I can feel my heart pounding. I put both feet on the ground and stand. I walk to the mirror that stands in the corner of my room. I look at the girl I see. She's broken. She has sad eyes that have dark circles under them. Her eyes are red and puffy. She's been crying. Her skin is pale, almost like you can see through her. I want to help her, she needs help. I move my hand up and reach out to touch her. That is until I see, that girl is me. My world spins and everything is going dark. I can't move and I feel dizzy. I grab my chest in pain. I know what's going to happen. As I fall back into the darkness the last thing I see is my eyes. Begging for help. I let the darkness swallow me whole. And I fall, hearing my family yell for me. I smile and with this my world is gone.

(Time skip)

I slowly open my eyes but close them right away. The bright lights are blinding me. I groan out in pain. My chest aches as well as the back of my head. I guess when I passed out my head took the majority of the fall.

"Look who's up, finally we were starting to worry about you." A woman with dark skin and hair tied back into a ponytail states.

"Your family just left for the night, I'll make sure to give them a call for you." She looks at me with big brown eyes.

I want to stay silent, but she's the only person here. I need answers, and I don't want to be alone. Her eyes are welcoming so I decide to speak.

"Thank you." I croak.

"No problem sweet pea." She smiles.

"If you don't mind me asking, why exactly am I here?" I ask confused. I know I'm in a hospital, but I don't know why.

"Oh, honey, you're here because of your heart."

My heart starts pounding again. I can feel the butterfly sensation in my stomach. A feeling I've gotten so use to.

"What's wrong with my heart?!" I'm beginning to panic now.

"Honey calm down now, it's not good for your heart." She says in a soothing voice.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!" I shout.

My heart monitors start to blare out a loud beeping noise. I know I'm panicking. I know I shouldn't but it's all I know. It's how I tick.

"Your heart is inflamed. Obviously you have panic disorders as well. That's what makes you different from other patients. Your disease won't kill you, but your anxiety will. You're going to be staying here for a while until we can learn to control your anxiety. Then we can go ahead and try to do surgery on you. You might need a new heart." She says adjusting my monitor.

I try to soak this all in. I've turned into the girl I see in the mirror. I am broken. I am finally me. That's what's scary. I breathe loud and slow. My monitor slows down and returns to normal. She is about to walk out of my room, but I can't let her go yet.

"Wait!" I say louder than I mean to.

"Yes?" She asks.

"What's your name?" I question.

"Nurse Jackson." She looks me in the eyes.

"Oh thank you Nurse Jackson." I look down and twirl my hands in my lap. I'm embarrassed by my behavior. I usually don't yell.

"Welcome to Ocean Park Hospital Livia." With this she walks out of my room.

I look at my new room. Dull, cold, and scary. I'm left alone for the night expected to sleep after a long day. I don't want to though. I can't. I try to keep myself awake but the night is so peaceful. I let my eyes close and dream. Maybe this would be my new beginning.

(Time skip)

I wake up the next morning refreshed. For the first night in months I didn't have the dream. I didn't dream at all. I don't know what time it is but I'm wide awake. I sit up in bed and look out the window. The sun is just rising. My favorite part of the day is now. Before my mom was sick she would wake me up really early and carry me outside. She'd sit on our porch swing and set me in her lap. I would watch the sun rise with her. She hasn't done that in years. I doubt she's been up in the morning since then.

I decide to get out of bed and decide what I'm going to do with this room. As I walk around thinking about it I get dizzy again. I lay back down and wait for sleep.

I wake up again, but this time my Grandma's there.

"Sweetie your up...," She gets up and walks towards me, "I heard you're going to be staying awhile." She says stroking a piece of hair out of my face.

"I guess so Grandma."

Nurse Jackson walks in with an attractive man. He's taller with brown hair with a touch of gray. He is handsome might I add. My daydream is broken when he introduces himself.

"Hello I'm Dr. McAndrew. I'm here to discuss Livia's health. It seems she was born with a heart defect. Untreated it started to swell because of it and the added stress. We're going to be keeping her monitoring her stress. She has many panic disorders and needs treatment, it's been taking a tole on her heart. There is a school here she can keep up with along with many other kids staying here. We want you to be safe and comfortable here Livia."

"Thank you Dr. McAndrew."

"No problem, if you have any questions or need anything feel free to ask me or any of our nurses here." With this he walks out of my room leaving me in awe.

"Livia is there anything you need?" Nurse Jackson asks.

"I'm fine, I want to start decorating today, is that ok?"

"Of course! Feel free," Nurse Jackson turns to leave but adds as a final though,"but no paint!"

I look at my Grandma standing next to me. Her eyes are glistening.

"Grandma I'm sorry I never said anything. It's just I was so afraid I'd be the girl that everyone didn't want. Like a washed up granddaughter. I do trust you Grandma. I'm sorry..."

"Honey focus on yourself right now, I just want you better now."

"Does Mom know?"

"Yes... she's dealing with the news... in her own way."

I knew what that meant. My mom was probably out at a bar drinking away and flirting with anything that walks. My mom would be using my problem as her own. She loves to play the victim role. I wasn't going to think about my past though. I wanted to start over and look towards the future.

"So what are you going to need for the room?" My Grandma walks around the room looking for inspiration.

"Just the necessities I guess. Some clothes would be nice." I joke standing up out of bed to show her my stylish hospital gown.

"I'll get everybody to box up your stuff, we'll all come help you set up your new room."

She smiles at me and brings me in for a hug.

"I love you Livia, with all my heart, no matter what.." She kisses my forehead and turns to grab her purse.

"Love you too Grandma.."

Just like that my Grandma is on her way out to start her new mission, to fix me.


	2. Meet and Greet

_**Author's Note: To anyone reading this thank you! This is my first story and I have sooo many ideas. I plan to update a new chapter each week or earlier. I published two to start out. If you like it feel free to leave a review or tell me what you think. Thank you again!**_

"Finally my own room!" Cecilia, my twin, says excitedly.

"You do realize I get my own room too, and I'm not staying here forever." I retort

"Whatever, I'll enjoy my time alone."

"I don't know if I should take it as an insult Cecilia." I joke

"Just trying to make light of the situation. Of course I'll miss you. I promise I'll visit."

"Yea all of us will." My older brother Ethan adds.

"We want you home as soon as possible." My grandpa states.

I knew that this whole thing would die down. They would visit once a week for a little bit, but they would stop coming all together soon. I know they love me, they really do. It's just no one has ever really been that good at dealing with pain. I've put my whole family into this situation they don't know how to react to.

"But we want you back better…" My grandma adds in with a hushed tone.

"I know, I know. It's been hard, but right now I need to find out who I am. I need time."

"We know, just don't take too long." Cecilia says.

I realized that this would be my new home and I knew nobody. It was lunch time and I was starving. I wasn't about to go down to the cafeteria alone. I needed someone with me. I became nervous at the fact of facing this place alone.

"Well I think we're just about done in here..." Ethan says stepping back to take in the room.

"It's beautiful, I'm sorta jealous." Cecilia jokes.

"I hope this makes you feel more comfortable Livia." My grandma says eyeing me down with concern.

I take a second to look at my new room. It really was beautiful. With my flower paintings, I made myself it brightened up the room. My comforter was yellow with a country chic look to it. I had bright pillows of blues and greens to liven the place up. Over my window were white drapes that allowed the sun to shine through even if they were closed. I had pictures of my family to remind me what I was changing for. The mirror I stared into the morning of the accident sat in the corner of my room. I thought it'd be able to help me move past my fears. My grandma didn't want to bring it, but with some begging I got my way. I really would be comfortable here. I could sit and watch t.v. from my bed, or sit on my love seat to read. The thought of me being here and getting better brought me to tears.

"Thank you guys, thank you so much." I state with a shaky voice and teary eyes.

Everyone comes in to hug me. They say their goodbyes and sooner than I would've like they're gone. I'm left to fend for myself. I want to go eat, but my nerves would control me if I went down by myself. I'm sitting on my bed trying to look occupied. I am praying Nurse Jackson will just bring food into my room.

"Look, a pretty new girl. By the looks of this room looks like you're staying awhile."

I look up startled. I see a boy with dark skin dressed almost like a rapper, but in a good way. He looks hip.

"Oh, yea, I just got here. Sorta nervous about everything though."

"Don't be, I was just about to go meet my friends down for lunch. Wanna join? Be pretty cool if you did."

"I would love to."

I get up from my bed and meet him by the door. He starts to lead the way and I follow.

"I'm Dash, coolest guy you'll ever meet. You are...?"

I can't help but laugh just a little bit. He seems so sure of himself. I wish I could have the same quality as him. Yet again, first I need to find out who I want to be.

"I'm Livia."

"Livia, mind if I call you Liv?"

"No, not at all." I'm smiling now, I found someone I can talk to here. At least I wouldn't have to eat alone.

We make our way down to the cafeteria. Dash orders food for the both of us. I was fine with that. I'm not good with new situations. This whole thing is throwing me off guard. I follow Dash as he leads us to a table. There's a guy in a wheelchair that's bald, but he has gorgeous brown eyes. Next to him is a girl with long brown hair. She is pretty, but unsure of herself. I can tell, I know how to spot it when you live it. She is so skinny it's almost scary. After that I see another guy. He has brown hair that looks perfect. He has deep brown eyes to match. I catch his eye and he smiles at me. I can feel my cheeks redden. I look down and stay quiet.

"Hey everybody, this here is my new lady friend Livia."

The boy in the wheelchair speaks up, "Hey Livia, I'm Leo." He points over to the girl, "That's Emma and next to her is Jordi."

Dash pulls out a seat for me and I sit. My hands are shaking from my nerves so I leave them in my lap so no one will see.

"Hi Leo, Emma, and Jordi. Thanks for letting me sit with you guys. I was really nervous about my first day here."

"No problem, I know how nerve racking it can be. I was the new guy too before you." Jordi states.

I nod and begin to eat. The rest of lunch goes on with everybody telling funny childhood stories. I eventually lightened up to the group and told them some of mine. We all laughed and joked around with each other. For the first time in forever, I didn't think about all the bad. I just laughed at stupid stuff. What normal teenagers are suppose to do.

"Well I had a great lunch, thanks you guys." I get up to go back to my room.

"Wait, I'll show you around." Emma jumps up.

"Oh, thanks Emma."

We start walking around the hospital. Emma shows me all the ups and downs. She shows me her room and what the boys call their room " The Swamp". We talk about our old schools and what we like to do. She tells me why everyone is here. Leo and Jordi have cancer in their leg. Dash, cystic fibrosis. Emma, as I guessed has anorexia. I tell her about my inflamed heart, but that's it. I don't want to ruin anything with my nerves. I felt like I could really have a friend here. I don't want her thinking I'm crazy. We get back to my room and I see a tall, blond girl in my room looking around.

"Um, hi?" I say questioningly.

"Oh, a new girl, great. She gets her own room while I have to share one with coma boy!" She rolls her eyes and shoves past me and Emma.

"Don't worry that was just Kara. She's really annoying." Emma says.

"Oh, okay. Who's coma boy?"

"That's Charlie, he's been here the longest besides Leo."

"Oh. Anyway thanks for everything Emma. It's been nice having someone to show me everything."

"No big deal. I like hanging out with you. I got to go though. I have a weigh in. I'll make sure to talk to you later."

I don't want her to go. I guess I looked upset because next thing I know she reaches in and gives me a hug. Can she see how upset I am to be alone? Am I really that broken? She pulls away and her phone goes off. She takes out her phone and smiles.

"Everyone wants you to come to the roof later tonight, you up for it?"

"Of course!"

"Good, everyone has a surprise for you!"

With this Emma walks off. I'm left alone yet again, but this time I'm okay. I have plans for tonight. I lay down on my bed and think for a minute. I think about how great everyone is here. I think about Jordi though the most. He has this way about him. I don't know, but I don't want to even think about a crush. I'm not ready. I lay down under my warm covers and sleep. I needed it for tonight.


	3. Initiation

_**Authors Note: Hey guys, thank you so much for coming to my third chapter of my new story! I am thrilled and have so many ideas. If anyone writes me a review or anything I'll get a new chapter up by Monday! Thanks for coming to see what happens to Livia.**_

"_**Livia, Livia…" **_

"_**Get away from me!"**_

"_**You know I can't do that!"**_

"_**Dad stop! LEAVE ME ALONE!"**_

_**He grabs my arms and starts shaking me. I look into his eyes. They've gone clear, nothing is there. His grip loosens and he falls to the floor. I look at him, laying motionless.**_

"_**Dad? Dad!"**_

"Ah!"

I start looking around the room furiously. My hearts pounding again. I turn around and there's Jordi. I jump up. Not really knowing what to do with myself I just sit on my bed and look at him.

"I'm sorry, I was just trying to wake you up. Are you okay?"

"Yea, I'm fine, just a nightmare."

Jordi looks at me suspiciously. His eyes could make anyone melt. Right then and there I want to tell him everything. I want to reach out and touch his face. I can't make the feeling go away.

"So are you ready for tonight?"

"Crap, let me get ready really fast."

Jordi nods, " I'll be out in the hall waiting…"

I jump out of bed and run to the mirror. I look for a minute at the girl. She has soft blond curls that fall to the middle of her back. Her eyes are gray. She has freckles across her nose. Her skin is fair. She isn't that tall and looks rather skinny. She looks almost normal. She looks like someone I use to know. I decide to just brush my hair and go. I'm in a hospital. Who cares what you look like when you're sick. I meet Jordi in the hallway.

"I'm ready."

"Good, follow me."

I follow Jordi up to the roof, right when we're about to walk through the door he turns to me. I can't help but notice how close his face is to mine. Inches away from my face I can feel him breathing.

"One thing I forgot. Close your eyes."

"But…"

"No buts, close them."

He gives me a stern look and I decide to listen. I close my eyes and wait. He grabs my hand and leads me to the roof.

"There, open your eyes.."

I open my eyes and it's amazing. I can see the skyline of L.A. Everyone is there. Kara, Leo, Emma, Dash. They all look at me waiting to see what I say.

"This is soo cool!"

"I'm glad you like it." Jordi says

I'm just realizing now he finally let go of my hand. I feel my cheeks blush. Emma comes up to me with open arms. I hug her back feeling her shoulder blades as I do. Sometimes I forget we are all messed up in some way or another.

"So, Livia, are you ready?"

"For what? Should I be afraid." I ask nervously.

"No it's just a little initiation type thing."

"All of us decided we are Red Banders, and we stick together." Leo states. He holds up his wrist and a red band dangles.

"We wanted you to have one to." Dash joins in.

"Really?"

"Yea, you're cool Livia." Emma says.

Jordi turns me around, so I can see him face on.

"This band is from when I first got here. I was welcomed into our group when I was alone. I don't know you well, but I know you are a beautiful girl with a story worth hearing. This is to remind you, no matter what, you're never alone. "

He slides the band on my wrist. I look up into his eyes and smile.

"Thank you Jordi..."

I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him. I feel his hands go to my back. His hands are strong. I want to stay like this, but I know better. I shouldn't be getting close to anyone. I should keep my distance. I'm not capable of love. I pull back and join the rest of the group. Soon everyone is joking around like before. That is until Jordi gets a hold of a guitar.

"Anyone up for some music?"

We all gather around Jordi to hear him sing. His voice is amazing. After the song is over I applaud him. He smiles at me and I can't help but look at the ground. After Jordi, Dash decides he wants to rap. Leo starts beat boxing and we all start laughing.

"How about some real music." Emma pulls out her phone and puts on a slow song.

Leo uses his crutches to walk over to Emma, soon they're off dancing with each other. I'm sitting towards the edge of the roof smiling like a clown at the whole situation. Jordi comes by and stands next to me.

"So Livia, ever been to a dance before?"

"Can't say I have, I've always wanted to, just... things came up."

"Well then Miss Livia, would you do me the honor and dance with me?" He sticks out his hand for me to grab with a smile plastered on his face. I roll my eyes, but I take his hand as he leads me to the middle of the roof. I slide my hands around his neck while he puts his hands on my hips. We sway slowly with Jordi leading.

"For never dancing, you're pretty good."

"I'm just following your lead."

"So Miss Livia, how are you liking your stay here?"

Before I even think about what I'm saying I blurt out, "I love it."

He looks down at me and smiles. I rest my head on his shoulder and smile to myself. That's when I see her. Standing by the door to the roof. I pull away from Jordi, my eyes go wide and I can feel the panic take me over.

"Livia, what's wrong?"

"She's here! She's here! My step-mom!" I point frantically towards the door. The music stops and everyone looks over to the door.

"I don't see anyone Liv." Dash states.

"No one see's her! She's right there!" My eyes are watering and I can't help but panic.

She's coming over towards me her eyes stare me down. I watch her feet move faster and faster towards me. I turn to run but the pain in my chest grows. She gets to me and puts her hand over my mouth. I scream for help.

"Livia! Livia!" Jordi runs towards me. He gets to me and kneels down next to me. My step-mom looks at him and scowls, she gets up and disappears into thin air. Everyone crowds around me in a circle.

"I didn't kill him." I mutter.

"Livia, what are you talking about!?" Jordi asks.

"My dad, I didn't kill him."

"Someone go get a doctor, hurry!" Emma yells.

"I'm going!" Kara screams.

"Me too!" Leo says.

I can't breathe as well now. I can't tell what's real and what isn't.

"Livia just look at me, Livia!" Jordi is screaming now.

I look up at Jordi with tears in my eyes.

"I didn't do it."

"We know you didn't Livia." Emma says tears streaming down her face.

"Don't let her take me." I beg.

"We won't Livia. Where's the doctor!" Jordi starts to panic.

I look into his eyes one more time, black spots crossover my vision. I hear footsteps running towards me.

"Dr. McAndrew what's wrong with Livia!?"

"Emma go back to your room. Livia will be fine."

"Dr. McAndrew did her heart do this?"

"Jordi I don't know!"

I feel him pick me up he's running and yelling at nurses to help him. I look back at the people he left behind. Emma stands with her hands over her face. Jordi looks at me with those eyes. I turn to look at , he looks concerned and concentrated.

"Get this girl a stretcher! I need to see her heart!"

I feel my heart throbbing, I want to touch my chest but I can't move my arms. No matter how hard I try, they lay limp. lays me down on a stretcher, I can feel its cold surface on my back. I look up at the bright lights of the hospital and think.

"She's not real is she?" I'm blabbering to myself. "She wasn't here. She's lying. He's not dead."

"Open the doors!" Dr. McAndrew looks down at me, "Stay with us Livia!"

I try to, but the thing is my eyes hurt. The light hurts my eyes. Darkness doesn't hurt. Darkness is still. No pain. Nothing. That's what I want. I close my eyes, and let fate decide what to do with me.


	4. A Place In-between

_**Authors Note: I want to send out a thank you to Cindy L. and kitkatsimons for reviewing my story. I am glad you like the story and I promise to keep writing. I have many more ideas so you'll be seeing a lot out of this story. A lot has to go down. Thank you again. Here's the chapter I promised. Enjoy….**_

"Hello? Is anyone here?"

I'm walking around what looks like a white room, with a spiraling staircase leading no where. I'm barefoot and you can hear my footsteps loud and clear.

"Hi Livia. I'm Charlie, better known as coma boy."

A boy in blue pajamas steps up by me.

"The legendary coma boy, what an honor it is to meet you."

I bow at him with a smile on my face. I take a second took look around again. Nothing has changed. Just me and Charlie in a big white room.

"Where exactly are we Charlie?"

"Oh, this is a place in-between."

"In-between what?"

"Life or death."

"Thanks for being up-front with me coma boy."

"Just thought you'd like to know."

"So exactly how long am I staying here?"

"You're in surgery right now, you know with your heart and everything. I think you'll leave soon though."

I nod at Charlie. Then it hits me, what if Charlie can see everything at the hospital. He could help me. He could tell me if she was real or not.

"So do you see everything that goes on at the hospital?"

"In a way yes, I can see what people want me to see."

"Did you see her? The woman that chased me on the roof tonight?"

"No, but I know she was real to you. The doctors were talking about a trigger that made you think of her. Or your dad. I don't really know. Only you can decide that."

I look around embarrassed at first. Coma boy must think I'm crazy or something. I don't want him thinking that so I mine as well tell him right?

"Wanna hear my story Charlie?"

"I'm all ears."

I couldn't hold the pain in anymore. I let everything out. I told Charlie about my childhood and all the problems I had to face. I told him about my dad and mom. I told him everything. It felt so good to get it off my chest.

"Wow, Livia, that's one heck of a story. One day you should write it down."

I smile at Charlie when something catches my attention. I look over and I see a door.

"That means it's time for you to go Livia."

I get up and start walking towards the door when I turn back to look at Charlie.

"Thanks for everything Charlie. It felt good to talk about it. Promise to keep it a secret."

"My lips are sealed."

I turn towards the door and the first time since I got here I sprint. I sprint down a long hallway and there at the end of it stands two doors. I run faster and faster towards the doors. I push past them and I'm blinded by white light.

(Time Skip)

I open my eyes and I'm exactly where I thought I would be. I'm back in my room, but this time I'm not alone.

"Livia, good to see you up. We have some things to talk about." Dr. McAndrew says looking down at his clipboard.

"If it's about what happened yesterday I don't want to talk about it."

"Listen Livia, the stress you're putting on your heart is not good. Your heart could burst, I had to cut into you to see if it was okay. You're going to start going to a counselor and when she gives me the okay, we'll do surgery."

"I don't want to. I'm not talking to a counselor."

"Then go find a new doctor, because I refuse to operate on you until you do."

He leaves the room before I can say anything else. Tears start to well up in my eyes. I didn't want this to happen. I don't want to relive those days. If I don't think about the past, there will be no future for me. Thinking about death for the first time I cry. I don't want to die. I don't want to think about the past. I'll die trying.

(Time Skip)

"So Livia, I'm your new counselor, Mrs. Harris. I understand you had a little accident last night. You state you saw your step-mom and she kept repeating you killed your dad correct?"

"Yes."

"Alright, is there something specific that happened last night that might have triggered you to think about them?"

I think for a minute. Last night was going just fine for me. I was dancing with Jordi and then out of no where she came. Why would I think about her then. Then it hits me. I can feel the tears run down my face.

"It was the dance."

"What? What about the dance?"

I take deep breaths, someone needs to know. My fathers death needs to be known.

"It was June, and school was almost out. Every year my high school had a end of the year dance. I was a freshmen and I was so excited to go to a real high school dance."

I look up at Mrs. Harris to see her reaction. She just wrote it down in her notebook and looked back up at me to continue. I wipe the tears off my face and start again.

"The night of the dance me and my dad got into a fight. It was about my mom. I don't know how it got so bad but he was screaming at me. I remember I was so afraid of him my whole life when he got angry. I tried to walk away but he grabbed my arms. He started shaking me. I begged him to stop but he wouldn't. I screamed and that's when he stopped. He realized what he did and he broke down. He told me to go and he went upstairs."

"Was your relationship with your dad abusive?"

"Never. He never laid a hand on me until that day."

"Continue with your story please."

"I remember my friends picked me up and I just wanted to get as far way from the house as possible. We got to my school and I just sat in the car and cried. After 20 minutes a got a phone call from my step mom. I remember hearing her voice on the other end. She was so angry at me. She told me my dad went out and she couldn't find him. I don't know why but for some reason I thought I knew where my dad would go. He loved the outdoors. We had a woods by my house not to far away. So my friends let me borrow the car and I drove out to the woods. I got there and it was raining down hard. There was an umbrella in the car so I took it and went out to look for my dad."

I started crying again and I was shaking my head.

"It was another half hour before I found him. He was face down to the ground and next to him was a knife."

I start sobbing now. I can't control myself.

"I flipped him over and saw what he had done. There was so much blood. I called 911 but I knew he was already dead. He was so cold to touch. I held him in my arms and I cried. I screamed and sobbed until the cops came. There was blood all over my hands and dress. My step-mom found out. She told me it was my fault he was dead. She said I was the one that pushed him over the edge. I was the one that killed him. My step-mom was abusive towards me. She hated me. She had two daughters. I remember the looks on their faces when they saw me. She told me I would never see them again. I cried and cried all night. Next thing I know my grandmas there. She took me to her house and I moved in a few days later. No one talked to me about it. No one did. My brother and twin lived with my mom. I was going to a private school that was near my dad's house so I just lived there with him. Everyone treated me like I couldn't handle anything. I just wanted someone to talk to."

Mrs. Harris looks at me for a minute.

"Livia, what happened after you moved in with your mom and grandparents."

"I acted like I was fine! I played the part everyone wanted me to play! I couldn't stop him from haunting me though! All I can see are his clear eyes, watching me! My step-mom wouldn't let me go to the funeral. I don't know where my dad is!"

I cry into my hands. The memories flood my head and it's all I can think about.

"That's it for today, Livia. I'm sorry."

I run out of the room and I bump into Jordi.

"Livia.."

I look at him with warm tears streaming down my face.

"I have to go."

I run all the way to my room. I slam the door and go to the mirror. I look into it and see the girl I hate. The girl that's weak, the one her own father hated. I grab a picture frame and I slam it into the mirror. Again and again until the mirror is completely shattered. I sit by the broken glass shards. I pick one up and twirl it around in my hand. I get up throw the shard down and go to my bed. I sit and I cry. Sleep finds its way to me.

(Time skip)

I wake up and immediately look over to the mirror. Its broken pieces still lay shattered on the floor. I go over and collect all the pieces of glass. I throw them away and clean up the ground. I would need a new mirror soon. I look over, the area is clean. No one would have to know.

"Like it never happened Livia," I say to myself, "like it never happened."

I walk out of my room to go find Emma. I want to act normal. I want to forget. I quicken my pace to Emma's room. She smiles at me.

"Livia, I'm so glad you're okay. How are you."

I smile back at her.

"I'm fine Emma."

I walk into her room and sit next to her. Soon we're talking about random stuff. I was good at hiding things. I would act like nothing ever happened today.

_**Authors Note: So we found out about Livia's dad. Scary. Anyway thanks to anyone that's reading this. I'll try to get a new chapter up before Friday. If I get a review though it could be earlier :)**_


	5. A Day Out

_**Author's Note: Wow, a shout out to Cindy L. and RbsCdc. I'm really loving your guys's support here. This makes me want to update sooner and do a better job writing. This chapter I wanted to build up the friendships like Kara's. I hope you enjoy. Same deals on the table, if you review or anything I'll update sooner. I'll get on up before the end of this week.**_

"You can't be serious Livia," Emma's laughing, "there is no way you did that!"

"I'm serious Emma! Cecilia, Ethan, and I all went up to the roof. We were all like, I don't know, 4 and 6. We were jumping around like idiots and the neighbors caught us!"

We both break down laughing. I'm in tears after it. Emma stops and points towards the door. I turn to see Dash standing in the doorway.

"Yo Liv, you gave us all a scare yesterday."

Dash walks towards us and flops onto Emma's bed.

"Please make yourself at home." Emma jokes.

"Yea I'm fine," I say embarrassed at the memory, "must of been my heart, probably overworked or something."

"Must be from all that flirting you and Jordi were doing." Dash says.

"Shut up Dash."

I throw a pillow at him only for him to catch it. To make matters worse he starts doing kissy faces.

"I'm out, I have some book report I have to make up." I get up to leave Emma's room.

"Hey do me a favor Emma and Dash. Tell everyone I'm fine, it was just my heart and all..."

"Will do." Dash says.

"Of course." Emma chimes in.

"Thanks!" I say as I leave Emma's room.

I'm walking down the hall, I was planning to go do some reading in my room, I walk past the Nurse's station and see him. Jordi is standing by the table talking to Nurse Brittany.

"Oh crap..." I whisper to myself, "no,no,no,no,no."

"I hate it here! I need some air!" Kara screams

I look over to see her storming out of her room to the elevator. She's caught everyone's attention, including Jordi. I have to to get out of here before he sees me.

Kara looks like she's about to go somewhere, maybe I can go with. Before I think about it I start running towards her. She gets in the elevator and I follow before she even notices me.

"I'm going out, this place is so stupid!" Kara says sounding annoyed.

"Would you mind if I come with you? I want some air too." I ask nervously.

She looks me up and down. Her eyes really are like daggers. I never noticed it until her weapons had me as their target.

"I guess so. Your not so embarrassing to be seen out in public with. As long as you don't go insane on me." Kara smirks.

I can feel heat rise to my cheeks. This girl knows how to bring you down emotionally. I can see why everyone calls her bitchy.

"I promise."

(Time skip)

"Do you ever miss it?" Kara asks me.

We're at her old high school, watching football players practice in the bleachers. It almost seems like, for a minute, we're apart of it. The whole high school scene. Living the best years of our lives.

"Miss what?"

"You know," she gestures towards the football players, "being normal."

"I don't know about you but I was never normal." I joke.

She looks at me, throughout the day she's been okay to deal with.

"I would've guessed you were a cheerleader. You're pretty enough."

I can't help but laugh out loud so obnoxiously.

"You think I could of been a cheerleader! Ha!"

"What did you do before you came to the hospital?"

"I ran. I did track. I was pretty good too. I went to state and qualified for national's. I never went though."

"Do you still run?"

"Nope."

Kara stands up and looks down at me.

"Come on. We have somewhere else to be."

She starts walking towards the parking lot back to her car. I get up and choose to follow her.

"Should I be scared?" I shout out to her.

She opens the driver side front door and looks at me.

"You should always be just a little scared when I'm around. Now hurry your ass up!"

I smile and get up and jog over to her. Anything was better than having to face Jordi in that stupid hospital.

(Time skip)

Kara parks the car and looks at me.

"Ready?"

"I guess." I retort.

She gets out of the car and starts walking towards an empty field. I follow her and I realize there's a track around it. It's old and worn down, but it's the best track I've seen in a while. She stops at the center of the field and I catch up to her.

"You took me out to run?" I ask.

"Why not? Let's see how fast you really are. What did you run?"

"I ran a 400, a 200 and I did relays."

She looks at me confused.

"You ran a 400 and a 200...," she looks at me confused, "what?"

"Let me explain. A 400 is a full lap. A 200 is half a lap."

"Oh, okay."

We wait for a couple minutes staying silent. I haven't been out on a track in ages. I forgot how much I loved it.

"Aren't you going to run?"

"I don't know if I should. My heart isn't good for that kind of stuff."

"Come on Livia. Don't you hate being sick. Don't you wish that you could do everything that everyone else can. I know all I wanted is to find one thing I can do that's normal. This is the one thing you can do that is considered normal. This is your normal. So go do it. Do it for the both of us. Let me live your fantasy for one minute. Please..."

I sit and think about it for a minute. I decide to walk to the edge of the track and go to the starting line. I go to my favorite lane, number 2. I get down on my left knee with my fingers poised at the starting line. I move my hips up and wait for a minute.

"Go already!" Kara shouts.

I thought she was getting upset but I can hear her laugh. That's weird, I've never heard her laugh. I stay in my position for a second longer and then I'm out. I spring up and I'm starting. I pump my arms in the air, taking long strides as I do. I look at the distance I have yet to cover. I don't think about anything else I just run. I've made it to the 300 marker, now the 200. I dare my legs to move faster.

"Go Livia, go!"

I pump my arms harder, and my legs move even faster. I've made it to the 100 marker. The home stretch. I sprint harder. This is the fastest I've ever ran. My hearts racing but I don't care. All I can see is that finish line. It's coming up on me and I lean my head out, arms extended out, with my long hair flying behind me. I cross the line, feeling like I truly did just fly.

"Yea Livia!"

Kara runs over to me and actually hugs me. I hug her back trying to catch my breath.

"You okay?"

"Yea... I'm better... than okay," I huff, "thank you... Kara."

Kara just smiles at me and nods.

"Come on girl, let's get you back."

We both go back to the car and sit down. We drive back to the hospital and Kara tells me about herself. She really is a nice girl. You just have to get through to her. Once we get there Kara parks the car. I go to get out but Kara doesn't move. I stop and look over to Kara.

"Is everything okay Kara?"

She lets out a long breath and sighs.

"Yea, I'm fine. I'm just glad I didn't have to do this whole thing alone. I'm glad you came freak."

I smile at Kara. She moves to get out and so do I. She links her arm with mine and together we walk back to Ocean Park. We're laughing as we make it up to Kara's floor. The elevator opens and there's Nurse Jackson staring us down.

"Killjoy..." Kara whispers to me.

"Where exactly were you two?" Nurse Jackson asks aggravated.

"I was just showing Livia around my old school, then we went out for dinner. Is that so bad?"

Nurse Jackson looks us up and down.

"Get to your rooms. I don't want to hear you two sneaking out again. Understand?"

"Yes Nurse Jackson." Kara and I say at the same time.

"Good now get."

She cracks a smile at us. But only for a brief second. Kara gives me a quick hug before leaving to go to her room.

"Bye Livia." Kara says as shes walking away.

"Bye Kara, thanks for the day out." I shout to her.

She holds up a thumbs up to me. I can't help but laugh. I went into today thinking this whole thing would be a horrible experience. Instead I came out with a new understanding of a new friend. I walk to my room and I see a letter on my bed. I walk over and pick it up to see who it's from. Once I do I don't believe it.

"Mom?"


	6. Trust

_**Authors Note: Thanks to all you guys who keep reviewing and following and favoriting my story. It really makes my day. I hope you enjoy. Same deals on the table. Review, follow, or favorite and you get an update sooner ;) **_

This can't be true. My mom wouldn't send me a letter. She just wouldn't. I look at the address it was sent from.

"Las Vegas? What are you doing in Las Vegas Mom?" I whisper to myself.

I don't want to ruin the good day I just had, so I decide to hide the letter in my pillowcase. I made a quick promise to myself I would read it first thing tomorrow morning before getting ready for bed. I change into some shorts and a t-shirt and sit on my bed. I instinctively look over to my broken mirror. It looks pitiful, I regret ruining it. I get into bed and turn off the lights. I look up at my ceiling and close my eyes. I want to sleep, but my mind is thinking about all the things my mom could've written. It was a restless night…..

(Time skip)

I wake to the sun shining through into my room. I sit up and stretch my arms up to the ceiling and let out a loud yawn. I rub my eyes with the back of my hands and get up out of bed. I decide I want to take a walk around the hospital, so I change into some jeans and throw on a sweater. I walk out my door and close it softly. I don't want to wake up anyone.

"Livia, hey!"

I turn to see Jordi running to catch up to me. I guess I'm not the only one up early in the mornings. I smile at Jordi and wait for him.

"Hey Jordi. I was just about to walk around, want to join me?"

The words come out of my mouth before I can stop them. What if he hates you Livia? What if he totally denies you right here and now?

"I'd love to Livia."

My heart skips a beat. He actually said yes. So side by side we start off for our walk.

"Come to think about it Livia, I don't know much about you."

"What's there to know?"

"Come on, don't say that. Lets just play 20 questions. You'd be surprised at how much you learn about the other person."

I look over to see Jordi looking down at me. His eyes are simply amazing. He smiles and I think I might swoon.

"Okay, you go first."

Jordi taps his finer on his lip and looks up towards the ceiling.

"Hmmmm. I got one. What's your family like?"

"Well, I have a twin,3 younger sisters, and an older brother. I live with my grandparents and mom. Your turn."

"I live with my grandma and cousins."

"Okay, what's your favorite color?"

"Blue."

I look over at him and let out a big smile.

"Mine too!"

We go back and forth for almost an hour asking little questions. We head back to my room to talk some more. After two hours it seems like I know Jordi like an old friend maybe even more. Now that I know him my crush has grown. He's an amazing guy and I love to be around him. He makes me different. I'm in such a good mood now, I feel like doing something weird, and fun. I look over to Jordi and I get the perfect idea. I jump off my bed and stand in front of Jordi.

"Do you want to do something weird with me?!" I can't hide the excitement in my voice.

"What kind of weird."

"It's a surprise. Come on, please!"

"I don't know Livia..."

"Come on, it'll be fun."

I extend my hand out for him to grab.

"Trust me."

He takes my hand and gets up. Soon I'm pulling him behind me running to go get the others. I have a plan, and I need all of my friends to pull it off.

(Time skip)

"I can't believe we're doing this." Emma says.

"Liv got the crazy ideas, but it sounds like fun." Dash jokes.

"So are we all at an understanding?" I ask.

Everything had to go according to plan for this to get pulled off.

"Yea, I think we're all good." Leo says.

"I hope this works." Kara says giving me a quick nod.

"Alright everyone get into your groups. Leo and Emma pair off, Kara and Dash, and then me and Jordi. Ready?"

Everyone nods their heads in turn.

"Okay, 1...2...3... GO!"

We all take off running in the hospital halls. I take my hands and bang them on the closest door I see. Everyone else does the same.

"Come on everybody! Hospital Race!"

All three of our groups separate into different hallways. Me and Jordi are running together laughing like little kids. It's not long before the hallways are crowded with patients running with us. Not only patients, but nurses and doctors trying to contain us. My adrenaline starts pumping and I feel myself surging through the halls.

"Hey, get back here! Catch them!" I hear Kenji scream.

"Stop!" Nurse Brittany yells.

But we don't stop. We all keep running and there's no way they'll be able to catch us.

"Every man for himself!" I scream to our group.

Everyone starts running trying to get out of sight. I turn a quick corner only to be followed by Jordi.

"Quick in here!"

He grabs my arm and pulls me into a supply closet. It's small and it can barely hold the both of us. My backs up against the wall while Jordi stands in front of me with his hands pressed on the wall. His arms surround me. I hear footsteps pass us by.

"Where'd they go!" Nurse Jackson yells.

"They must have gone this way!" Kenji answers.

The footsteps fade out and soon it's silent in the halls. Both me and Jordi catch our breath. When we finally do we look at each other and start laughing.

"That was insane Livia!"

I continue to laugh. That was crazy. I didn't expect that many people to run with us. After a couple of minutes of laughing we're both silent.

"So is this what your like Livia?"

"What do you mean?"

"Crazy, spontaneous, funny, beautiful..."

He looks at me with a serious face. His face is only inches away from mine. I can feel my heartbeat getting faster. I look down at my feet with a smile on my face.

"That's not me Jordi. You got the wrong girl."

I look back up to see his face. He shakes his head.

"I don't think so."

He leans in closer to me. His eyes stay on me the whole time.

"Do you trust me Livia?"

"Yes..." I say with a shaky voice.

He leans in closer to me and soon the space between us is gone. His lips are on mine. I close my eyes and enjoy the moment. His kiss is soft and tender and I can't get enough. My hands move up to his hair and I pull him in closer to me. His hands cup my face to deepen the kiss. My heart is beating like crazy. I'm not thinking straight. You can't do this Livia it's not right. I can't get close to anyone, but his kiss is so nice. I don't want to stop. There's a knock on the door and we pull away from each other.

"Yo Liv and Jordi, you in there?" I hear Dash say through the door.

Jordi clears his throat and opens the door.

"Yea, we were waiting for things to settle down. Right Liv?"

"Yea, totally, just waiting."

Kara gives me an eye and I can't help but blush. She looks surprised and opens her mouth to speak but she's cut off by Emma who just made her way over to us with Leo following behind.

"Livia that was awesome! Me and Leo had so much fun and our group was huge!"

I smile at everyone and laugh.

"That was pretty fun." I say to everyone.

"Yea I thought so to, hiding was the best part."

Jordi looks at me and winks. I blush and my heartbeat quickens again.

"Well I'm heading back to "The Swamp" I promised Dash and Kara I would kick their asses in poker." Leo says with a smirk.

Dash, Leo and Kara start heading back. Kara looks back at me and mouths "talk to me later." Emma notices the blush on my face and smiles at me.

"Livia, I'll come by your room in a few minutes, I have to go... uh... change, out of these clothes. I just ran in them and all..."

With that she too leaves and soon it's just me and Jordi. He looks down at me and pulls me towards him. He puts his hands on my hips and stares into my eyes. I move my hands to his neck and stare back. He smiles at me and gives me a quick peck on the lips.

"I have to go to chemo Livia... I'll visit you later."

He pulls me into a hug. His arms feel so strong and secure. I could melt into him. I wish I could, but I have to control myself. He looks at me one more time and turns to leave. He leaves and I'm left alone. I let the tips of my fingers touch my lips remembering what had just happened. What am I allowing myself to do and why do I like it? I head back to my own room and close the door. I let my back touch the door as I slide down onto the floor. I smile to myself and close my eyes trying to relive the memory. My first kiss.


	7. Unexplained

_**Authors Note: Thank you to all of you that keep reviewing. It's good to know people are enjoying my story and want to continue to read it. I really do appreciate it. I hope this chapter is worth the wait. I've had school all week but here's the update I promised. Same deal; review, favorite, or follow and I'll update sooner.**_

I'm still sitting down by my door when I hear a knock on my door. Both Kara and Emma are standing outside my door looking like they're about to jump out of their own skin.

"We need to get in, like now!" Kara yells through the door.

I get up and open the door, Kara and Emma push past me and sit on my bed.

"Spill it Livia." Emma says looking me in the eyes.

"What?" I ask innocently.

"Don't play dumb. Emma and I know something went down in that closet and we want to know."

I feel the heat to rising to my cheeks again. I smile at the memory that I can't seem to forget even though I know I should. I feel myself deflate thinking about it. I can't let this happen.

"Nothing, me and Jordi might have kissed."

"What!" Emma looks at me excited

"Wait so you two didn't hook up?" Kara asks.

"No Kara," I say with a laugh, " I'm not as advanced as you Kara."

"Hey, you never know, like I said before, you are pretty enough." Kara states.

"Thanks Kara." I say rolling my eyes.

"So... what's going to happen between you two?" Emma looks at me expectantly.

I haven't thought about what would happen between me and Jordi. I know there was a feeling I had around Jordi that I couldn't explain. Yet, I know that I can't do this to myself either.

"I... I don't know. I'm not good at getting close to people and thought scares me." I admit.

They both look at me for a second and then back at each other and then me again. I shift my feet uncomfortably under their stares.

"Livia, no one is going anywhere, you know that right?" Emma questions me.

I don't answer the question because I didn't believe it. I wanted to, but I couldn't. Instead I lie.

"I know, I know. I'll figure this all out later." I say with a smile.

Kara looks at me for a minute and shrugs her shoulders but Emma won't give in.

"Livia, you know Jordi likes you and you like him. Why don't you just go for it?"

I look at her for a minute. I try to come up with an excuse, anything that is actually believable. Just then Nurse Jackson walks in saving me from embarrassment.

"There you girls are. Emma you have therapy that you're already late to, and Kara you have visitors waiting in your room for you."

Both girls stand up and say their goodbyes to me. I watch them walk out the door of my room and breathe a sigh of relief. I walk around my room tidying everything up. I see a white corner peeking out behind my pillow. I pick it up and realize it's the letter my mom sent me. I let out a jagged breath. I knew there would have to be a time where I had to open it. Fact of the matter was I'm afraid to see what's inside. My heart races and I know I have to get this over with before I start worrying about it all day long. Before I know it I open the envelope to see what's inside. I grab a letter that must be a page long. I read it over, and I can't believe it. I read it again and again.

_Dear my beloved Livia,_

_I haven't seen you in a while. My heart aches every second of the day without you. I'm in Vegas right now with my new boyfriend, but I'll be back to visit you soon. I've heard from grandma that you've been upset with me. I guess we aren't as close as I would have thought. What has happened in the past is over with and you need to get over it. I'm a better mother now and you need to open your eyes and see it. I'm trying my best and you don't do anything to notice it. I work hard to give you a good life. You're becoming a woman I don't want to know. So stop being so self-centered. This whole hospital stay has taken its tole on me as a mother. You don't know what its like to be in a situation like that. What you need to do is accept the things that can't be explained. They are better off left unexplained. Forgive and forget Livia. It's how I've lived, and look at me. You are a lucky girl to have such an amazing mom. I send my love._

_Love, Mom_

Anger floods over me and I feel my eyes well up with tears. Warm tears stream down my face and onto the letter. I can hear the soft thud of them hitting the paper. I want to scream and tell her how wrong she is. To tell her I will never forgive her, that I will never forget the things she made me go through. She was in Vegas while I was in a hospital. How could she even say she works hard for me. She never goes out of her room unless it's to party or go on some date with some guy. She doesn't even know me. She doesn't know all the pain she has cause and all she can say to me is to get over it. I look at the words again, expecting them to change. My eyes land on the words _amazing mom_ and I break. I tear the letter again and again and again until nothing is left of it. I look at the pieces that have formed around my feet. I get down on my hands and knees and sweep up the pieces into my hand. I don't know what I'm going to do with them and then it hits me.

"I really am crazy..." I think to myself.

I'm running out of my room and past everyone carrying the precious cargo. I find the stairs and I take them all the way to the roof. I burst out of the door and run to the edge of the roof. I sit at the edge to catch my breath. I feel the wind blowing my hair and I look at the skyline of L.A. and tears come back to my eyes realizing what I'm going to do. I take in the breeze and sight and I cry. I let the tears stream down my face and I watch them hit the concrete. Seeping into the ground soon they disappear. I admire my tears wishing I could disappear too. I open my hands and let the breeze take away the words of my mother. I watch them drift through the air flying. I wish I could fly too. I boost myself up to the edge of the roof. I stand on my tip toes with my arms spread out with my eyes to the sky. I could fly right now. No one would be here to stop me. I could fly away and disappear. My feet are poised almost ready to jump. Before I can tell my feet to move the feeling comes again. My hands move to my lips and I sit down. I move back to the safety of the roof and stare straight out into the sky. I turn around only to see a big set of brown eyes staring at me in disbelief.

"Livia, what are you doing?" Leo asks me.

"I...I..."

Leo turns around on his crutches and tries to leave. I know what he's trying to do. He can't tell anyone.

"Leo wait!" I yell.

I catch up to him and block his path.

"You can't tell anyone about this!"

"Livia, you need help! I'm not going to sit here and watch you fall apart!"

He takes my hand that has the red band dangling from my small wrist.

"This is suppose to remind you you're never alone. This is suppose to be your strength." He says gesturing towards the band.

"Please Leo, don't tell anyone. I'm getting better, please, just give me time."

He shakes his head at me, looking disappointed.

"Time isn't something we have here Livia. Especially you, you don't have time."

He moves past me leaving me alone on the roof. More than ever I want to shake this feeling. I can't describe it, and I would rather leave it unexplained. I make my feet move me back down the stairs. I watch my feet move as I make my way down. I get back on my floor and see my room in the distance. I look up and see her again. In the window that allows you to see into my room. I turn to face her my full attention on her. She looks back at me and I know she's been begging for help. Everyone else has looked beyond her, but I'm the only one that has seen her fully. I move my hand to her and place it on the window. I look her dead in the eyes, they now have tears welling up in them.

"I'm sorry Livia." I whisper to her.

I walk past her and back into my room. I wipe my tears with the back of my hands as I look for a notebook. I find one and soon I find a pen too. I open to a clean page and I write down the first word that comes to mind.

"Unexplained." I say out loud.

_**Authors Note: Hey guys, sorry this chapter was so depressing. It's really important I build up the sadness in Livia for this story to turn out. I hope you don't mind. Thanks for reading!**_


	8. Give Me Something

_**Authors Note: Thank you guys who keep reviewing, favoriting, and following this story. It makes me so happy to see people actually like my story and take the time out of their day to show me. I can't thank you enough. Same deal is up, you know it by now. Thanks for staying with me and reading Livia's story.**_

"Livia, why did you write _unexplainable_ in this notebook?"

Mrs. Harris looks at me with her nose still in my notebook. She's been searching for something that will help her understand me. I shift uncomfortably and my heart starts beating faster. I haven't exactly forgotten about the day. This morning I was woken up so I could come here and I'm not exactly happy about coming here. It annoys me, more than I want it to.

"Because that's my life Mrs. Harris. Unexplainable."

I look her dead in the eyes. I would show no emotion, I was tired of the looks she gave me.

"Livia, what do you mean unexplainable?"

"I mean I can't explain my life."

"Livia, why can't you?"

I look at her for a moment. She really does want me fixed. I won't ever be fixed, at least she won't be the one to do it.

"Because I don't know what my life means or how I'm suppose to live."

"Livia, but why?"

I stare back at her with my mouth closed tight. I look down at my feet. I can feel the tears coming but I bite my lip to stop them. I wouldn't cry, I've done enough of that.

"Come on Livia, give me something here."

She looks at me annoyed now. I wasn't about to cave into her like I have before.

"I'm done for today. See you next session Mrs. Harris."

I get up to leave before she has a chance to tell me no.

"Wait, Livia, I have news for you."

But I don't turn to go back to her. I leave the room and quietly close her door behind me. I didn't decide where I wanted to go so I head down to "The Swamp" to talk to Leo. We haven't exactly cleared things up and I want to. I make it to his room and I'm greeted with a wide open door. I knock on the frame to get his attention.

"Hey Leo." I say walking in and plopping down on Jordi's bed.

"Hey Livia, whats up with you?"

"Nothing, just got done with therapy for the day."

I look up at the ceiling with my hands folded on my stomach.

"Livia, if you were ever feeling desperate you'd talk to me right?"

"I would Leo. You just caught me at a bad time."

He looks over at me with a focused look on his face.

"Livia, I know we all have problems. I don't know anything about yours though. You're not much for sharing. If you ever want to talk about anything we're all here for you."

I nod at him and look back up. A smile creeps across my face.

"So why didn't you jump Livia?"

I sit straight up in the bed. I give him a death glare in the process. I've had the same question in my head for hours now.

"I don't know. There was this feeling I had and I couldn't get over it. I had to stay."

He turns his head away from me. I focus on his face and see a tear roll down his cheek. He wipes it away quickly, if I hadn't focused on him, I wouldn't have seen. I get up and walk over to Leo. I gesture for him to stand up.

"Come on Leo."

He stands up and I take him into my arms to hug him.

"It's going to be okay Leo." I whisper to him.

"I just hope you're going to be okay." He whispers back.

We pull apart and I give him my biggest smile. I don't want anyone else to worry about me. I worry enough for myself.

"I'm fine Leo, I really am."

I thought he was looking at me but really he was looking past me. I turn to see Jordi standing in the frame of the door. The feeling comes back, taking me over. I look at Jordi, he has a smile on his face.

"I have to go." I state.

I walk past Jordi only to hear his footsteps behind me. I stop to look into the window of my room again. This time I see the girl but standing behind her is a boy. Her eyes light up when she sees him. He steps up closer behind her, I feel his hand snake around my waist. I can feel the tears welling up. Why does he have to do this to me?

"Leo told me Livia." He whispers, his lips close to my ear.

I feel so embarrassed at the fact Jordi knows. I look down at my feet refusing to even look at Jordi. He grabs my hand and leads me to my room. He closes the door behind him. He turns to look at me.

"Livia, do you want to talk?"

"No Jordi, I don't want to talk."

He looks at me surprised.

"I'm sorry Jordi, I don't know how to tell you."

He comes over by me and cups my face, forcing me to look at his eyes.

"Livia, no matter what you have to say, it won't change the way I look at you."

I turn my face to get out of his gaze.

"No Jordi, I can't tell you."

"Livia, why don't you trust me?"

"I do Jordi! Don't make me tell you something I don't want to!"

"Livia, I wasn't trying to! I was just trying to show you I care!"

"And that scares me Jordi! I'm not worth it!"

I storm past him, I open my door and I'm out. I needed space and time to think. I'm stopped by Mrs. Harris in the hall.

"Livia, I've been looking for you, I have some news for you."

I see Nurse Jackson, Nurse Brittany, and Nurse Kenji standing behind her. I try to make my face look like stone.

"I don't want to know right now Mrs. Harris."

I try to move past her but she won't let me pass.

"Livia, this is important, please just listen."

"No I'm tired of everyone telling me what to do!" I shout.

Everyone stares at me in disbelief. I'm not one for yelling and everyone knows it.

"I'm tired of everyone telling me more bad news! I need time! What doesn't anyone understand about that!"

Mrs. Harris ignores everything I just said.

"Livia, we found your dad's grave. We thought you'd like to know."

I don't believe it at first. My dad's grave. I thought I'd never know.

"My dad?! You found him!"

"We want you to visit him, we'd think it'd be a good healing process for you."

"No, no, I can't. I can't do it."

I feel a set of hands on my shoulders, realizing they belong to Jordi, I turn into him with my face buried in his chest.

"I'm sorry Jordi. I'm sorry about everything." I mumble into his chest.

My head starts to spin at the news. He encloses me in his arms spreading warmth throughout my entire body. I feel safe enough to fall into him. My vision starts to blur and I get light headed. I fall back and let Jordi's arms catch me. He slowly lays me down on the floor. I'm in and out of it at the same time.

"Is she okay!?" Jordi asks desperately.

"She should be fine, just the shock of it all. Go set her in her bed and leave her. We'll keep an eye on her. Can you pick her up?" Nurse Jackson asks.

Jordi moves a hand down and places it under my legs. He moves his other hand to the back of my neck as he lifts me up off the ground. I shiver under his touch. I hear his footsteps moving to my room and I smile. Nurse Jackson opens the door for him and he walks in laying me down on my bed. I stare at his eyes trying to focus on him. Nurse Jackson walks over to me and shines a light in my eyes, pulling my eyelids up to see.

"She just needs a little sleep. Poor girl, has enough problems as it is."

I watch Nurse Jackson walk away. I look over at Jordi who takes my hand and sits down on the edge of my bed. He looks at me for a little bit then he lets go of my hands and heads for the door.

"Jordi..." I croak.

He walks over to me and moves a piece of hair out of my face tucking it behind my ear. He gesture is so soft and kind I could cry. No one has shown me this kind of affection before.

"Yes?" He asks me.

"If I do go see my dad, will you come with me?"

He smiles down at me and gives me a kiss on my forehead.

"Of course I would."

"Jordi, will you stay here until I go to sleep?"

I close my eyes and feel his thumb rubbing circles on my hand. I try not to think about my dad, but I know he will visit my dreams tonight. The thought terrifies me and Jordi knows it. He leans in close to my face.

"Livia, you don't have to be afraid."

I can see the light fading away and I know I have to sleep.

"It's all I know Jordi."

Then the lights gone, and all around me is darkness.


	9. New Pain

_**Authors Note: I didn't get any feedback on this last chapter but that's okay. I see how many visitors and views my story is getting and it looks like you guys are still reading. I hope you're still enjoying my story. Deal is still up for grabs. **_

I wake in the morning to Nurse Jackson adjusting a new mirror in the corner of my room.

"Nurse Jackson where'd you get that mirror?" I say croaking.

"I saw your mirror broke, so I called your grandma and she bought a new mirror for you." She says putting the finishing touches on my new mirror.

"Oh… thanks I guess."

I get up out of bed and stretch my hands to the ceiling.

"Sweetie, I don't want to bring this up but you have to talk to Mrs. Harris about your dad."

She looks at me almost like I'm broken. I look past her into my new mirror and I see what she sees, a broken girl. I let out a loud sigh and look back at Nurse Jackson.

"I'll go and see him today. I just need some time to get ready. Can you tell for me?"

"Of course."

"Oh and can you tell Jordi to get ready too. I don't want to go alone."

She nods at me hurries out of the room on her next mission. I walk towards my dresser to get some clothes out. What are you suppose to wear to go see your dead dad? I don't think the reality has hit me yet. It's almost like I'm in autopilot, and I'm scared what will happen once I'm out of it. I reach the bottom of my drawer and pull out a black dress. It has a high low skirt with a sweetheart neckline. Lace detail covers the ends of the dress and the back of the dress. I step out of my old pj's put on some black spandex and step into the black dress. I look at myself in the mirror, it fits perfectly. I add a white pearl necklace and some pearl earrings to match. I throw my blond curls into a high ponytail, my dad always loved how my curls would bounce. I put on a little lip gloss and mascara to make myself look more presentable. I take in the whole picture and a new pain washes over me. I was dressed as if I was attending my dad's funeral.

"I couldn't go before Dad, so I'm going now." I say out loud. I wanted him to hear me.

I walk out of my door and grab some black flats on the way. I walk down the halls of the hospital with shoes in hand. I make it to Emma's room and I knock on the door softly. She see's me and she walks over to open the door for me.

"Livia, I heard what was happening today. I'm so sorry." She says. I get pulled into a hug and let her try to comfort me. I loved her effort, but really no one could comfort me today. I pull away and her eyes widen.

"Oh.. Livia….you look gorgeous." She says putting her hands to her mouth. "I wish you didn't have to go through this."

"Everyone has to Emma, I just have to now." I say looking at her dry eyed.

We stand quiet for a moment, neither of us knowing what to say. I finally decide to break the silence.

"Emma, I have to go talk to now. I'll talk to you about everything later."

"Okay Livia, I'm always here for you."

I give her a smile before leaving and descending down the hallway to 's room. I approach the door and knock three times loudly. I hear shuffling on the other side as Mrs. Harris opens the door. She looks surprised to see me standing here all in one piece. She looks me up and down and a smile spreads across her face.

"So I assume, you're going to see your dad right now?"

"I just need the address and I'll be gone."

She goes back to her desk and grabs a post-it and scribbles something down on it.

"I want you to tell me how you feel Livia after this whole thing is over with. Next session we'll talk about it."

She hands me the post-it and I take it away. I fold it into tiny pieces and put it in my shoe. I smile at her and walk away, I plan on heading to Kara's room to ask to borrow her car. I make and she's there with some guy. He's got a strong build, tall, brown hair. It's pretty obvious they both like each other, just won't admit it.

"I hate to intrude, but I have to go visit my dead dad. Can I borrow your car?" I ask straight forward.

"Um, sure, yea. Here are the keys."

She hands me the keys to her car and soon I'm off to go find Jordi. I see him at the nurses station waiting for me and I can't help but notice how handsome he looks. With some slacks on and a button down shirt he looks incredible. He spots me and waves me over.

"I got the keys to Kara's car and the address. All I need is for you to drive." I say with a straight face.

"Okay Livia."

He takes the keys out of my hand and I notice how warm they are compared to my freezing hands. With his other free hand he grabs my hand and walks me out to the car. I get in carefully and keep my eyes on the road. Soon we're off driving down a long road with nothing to look at. There's an awkward silence between us. I have no idea what to say to Jordi, the whole situation is messed up.

"You look beautiful Livia." Jordi says looking over at me trying to catch my eye.

I blush and look up at his eyes. His eyes made me want to stare into them forever. The street soon comes to an end and Jordi pulls into a cemetery. I feel my heartbeat go faster and butterflies come to my stomach. Jordi parks the car and looks over at me.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"Yea, I do."

"Okay..."

He opens his car door and starts his way over to my side of the door. He opens it and I step out grabbing his shoulder for support. He leads the way towards my father's grave. He stops at a headstone and looks over at me.

"This is it Livia."

I just nod at him with a lump in my throat. I walk over to his grave and I sit down by the headstone. For a while I just sit, my fingers tracing the words on the headstone. I don't know what to say to him to make him forgive me.

"You weren't suppose to die Dad." I whisper with tears in my eyes. "I know that you loved me. I know you tried your best. I know all you wanted was the best for me. I'm so sorry Dad. I never meant for any of this to happen."

No tears come this time. They stay in my eyes almost like I can't cry. I feel a set of hands on my shoulder and I stand up. I look down at my fathers grave.

_Here lies Richard Smith_

_Loving father, husband, and friend to all._

_1975-2014_

"You were a loving father, husband, and friend to all Dad." I say loud enough for Jordi to hear. "There won't be a day when I don't think about you. I love you Dad. I always will."

I turn into Jordi and let him envelope me. We stand, frozen in time. I back away and head back for the car. I had enough for today. Jordi follows and once we're back in the car he starts heading back to the hospital. The car ride is silent and I don't mind. I notice Jordi turn on a wrong road and stop the car in a vacant spot. He unbuckles and turns over to me.

"I just wanted you to know I think you are incredibly strong for what you just did."

I unbuckle my own seat belt and turn to face him.

"I'm not strong Jordi."

He leans in closer to me.

"You are Livia, even if you don't believe it."

I watch him for a moment, focusing on him. He really is different. I decide to climb over to his seat and sit on his lap. I take his hands and move them to my hips. I take his chin in my hand and look him in the eyes.

"You make me crazy Jordi, and I love it."

I crash my lips down onto his and move my hands to his hair. I feel his hands venture up and down my back making my heart beat skip. I move my hands down to his neck and pull him in closer to me. I move so I'm sitting with my legs on either side of him. Good thing I wore spandex underneath this dress. His kiss becomes more passionate as time goes on. I move my hands down his chest and under his shirt. I feel his hand touch my skin right above my hip and I shiver. His lips move down to my neck and I get goosebumps. He pulls his lips away and looks into my eyes. His hands move up to my face and he strokes my cheek. He cups my face and pulls me in for one last kiss. I smile under his lips and let myself believe. He breaks away and opens his eyes with a smile.

"I think we should head back now Livia."

I move back over to my seat and buckle back up. I look over at him and I smile.

"Thanks for coming with me Jordi, it means a lot to me."

"Anytime, if it means we get to do that again." He says with a wink.

He puts the car back into drive and in no time at all we're back at the hospital. Our little adventure ended up being all day. He gets out and I follow, but he sits on the hood of the car. He offers his hand and I take it getting pulled up on the hood of the car next to him. He keeps a hold of my hand and I scoot closer to him so I can lean my head on his shoulder. I look up and see a sky full of stars and it takes my breath away.

"Promise me something Livia."

"What?"

He looks down at me with those eyes again.

"Promise whenever you see the stars, you'll think of me, of us."

He take his face in one of my hands and I rub my thumb against his cheek. I lean in closer to him.

"I promise."

I grab his face and pull him into me one more time. Our lips meet and we share a kiss under the stars. Afterwards we both jump down off the car and head back hand in hand to the hospital. I take one last glance at the stars and the first thing that comes to mind is Jordi's eyes. I think about the day I just had and remember one thing I wanted to do. I stop Jordi and look up at the sky.

"Dad!" I yell out to the stars. "Um, remember that day when I told you I ate all my peas when I was six. I lied, I really fed them to the dog. I thought I'd get that off my chest."

I turn back to Jordi and we continue our way back into the hospital. I see Jordi out of the corner of my eye shake his head with a smile and murmur what looks like the word incredible. I let a smile spread across my face as I'm greeted by all my friends in the hospital.


	10. A Visit From The Past

_**Authors Note: I haven't gotten any feedback at all but I never expected so many people to read my story. I'm grateful for the support you guys have given me. No matter what I promise to finish this story. I also have plans to write two more books on this. Is that a good idea? Same deal is up for grabs. Enjoy. :)**_

_I let a smile spread across my face as I'm greeted by all my friends in the hospital. _

"_Livia you're home!" Emma shouts running up to give me a hug. "And you actually look happy!"_

"_Yea." I let out a small laugh. "Today was a good day." _

"_We all wanted to make sure you were feeling okay after today." Leo says._

"_Yea, today must have been hard for you." Kara states._

"_Wanted to show our support Liv." Dash says seriously._

"_I really appreciate it guys but I'm tired and all I want to do is go to bed. I'll see you all tomorrow." I say turning my back to the group and leaving. _

"_Wait up Livia. I'll walk you to your room!" Jordi says._

_I let him catch up to me and we walk hand in hand to my room. Once we get there I pull Jordi inside with me and shut the door with his back against it. I let my hands rest on his chest softly meeting his gaze. I could feel his heartbeat go faster. I leaned in closer to him._

"_Jordi I'm not good at all this. I don't want you hurt because of me." I say looking down at my feet._

_He takes my face in his strong hands forcing me to look up at him._

_"As long as I'm with you, there is nothing that can hurt me."_

_A smile breaks across my face and I pull him into me. He holds onto my hips and I wrap my legs around him. He walks me over with his hands on my back and sets me down on the bed. He's over me staring at my eyes. He gets up after he gives me a quick peck on the lips._

_"Goodnight Livia." _

_"Goodnight Jordi."_

_He leaves me on my bed wondering what I just got myself into._

(Time Skip)

We're all sitting in "The Swamp" joking around. Emma is on Leo's lap and Dash sits next to them on the bed. Kara sits on a bean bag on the floor and I'm sitting next to Jordi on his bed. Dash tells a joke and everyone starts laughing. I look over out the window and see someone who looks very familiar in the hallway.

"There's no way..." I say getting up to go see.

Everyone stops and is looking at me. I make my way over to the girl and she turns around and sees me.

"Livia!" She screams rushing over to give me a hug.

"Gisella?! How'd you find me?" I say giving her a hug back.

She pulls back and looks at me with a huge grin on her face.

"Where have you been?! The whole school keeps talking about you and there's rumors going around your dad is dead. Why are you here? Is it because of an eating disorder cause it looks like you've lost some weight. It was needed anyway honey, don't feel bad."

I look at her and my smile deflates. I forgot how outspoken this girl was.

"No I'm here for my heart and my dad did die and I live with my grandparents now. Actually I'm living here. I have to stay here until I can get the surgery on my heart that I need." I explain.

She looks at me seriously for a moment.

"Oh, I'm sorry Livia." She looks around trying to find something to talk about. She sees everyone and points over to them. "Who are they? Is this like a sick kid group or something? Those boys are cute. Do you think I could date one of them?"

I get more upset then I intend to.

"No, Leo's with Emma." I say pointing over to them. "And Jordi is... um... is... my boyfriend."

Her eyes widen. She grabs me by the arms and starts jumping up and down.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS! YOU FINALLY HAVE A BOYFRIEND!"

I look over at the group embarrassed. Luckily no one heard, or maybe they choose to be quiet.

"Shhhhhh! I don't want the whole hospital to know Gisella!"

"Oh, sorry." She says letting go of me.

"So how did you find out I was here."

"Eh, people. That's not important. OMG, I totally have to text Luke. He would so want to know your here."

Her fingers start flying on her phone. I roll my eyes at her already annoyed.

"Listen Gisella, I appreciate you coming here but I want to know how did you find me?"

She looks up from her phone for a millisecond and rolls her eyes.

"Fine, your step-mom was telling some of your friends that you left and blah blah blah. Eventually I found out and since we were such good friends during Chemistry I thought I'd call your mom. She told me you were here and ta dah!"

I look away at Jordi and mouth the words help me. He just laughs at me and turns around. I was facing this battle alone.

"Yay! Luke's coming! I can't wait, it'll be like Chemistry class all over again!"

"Yea... it'll be... um... fun."

"So girl show me around!"

She links her arm into mine and I look back into "The Swamp" one more time. Everyone stares at me mouthing the words sorry. I turn around and wait for this day to be over.

(Time Skip)

"OMG, Luke just texted me he's in the lobby waiting. Come on lets go meet him. I'm so excited. Did I tell you we were dating again. I really think he's the one. What do you think? Oh I forgot, I don't know where I'm going lead the way chickidee." Gisella says all in one breath.

"Follow me."

Gisella follows me with her nose stuck in her phone. I can't believe I could even fake being friends with this girl.

"OMG THERE HE IS!"

She runs over to Luke and wraps her arms around his neck. He's much taller than her and picks her up and swings her around in a circle. They share a rather sloppy kiss that is too much for my taste.

"We could try that." Jordi says.

I jump scared for a minute but then I feel his hand on my back and I loosen up. I turn and roll my eyes at him.

"Yea, like you could pick me up like that. They look disgusting. It's almost like they're licking each other."

"You do crazy things when your in love."

"That is not love!" I shout.

"Love comes in different forms. Maybe not to you, but to them, it could be."

He leaves me pondering what he just said. Jordi is a wise guy. Gisella and Luke finally break away and come to join me. Gisella has a huge smile on her face and Luke looks almost upset. I can tell he doesn't want to be here, I don't want him here either.

"Livia, have you lost weight? Why are you here? Gisella says it's cause your insane." He says with a smirk

Gisella hits his chest turning red.

"I never said that!"

I don't believe her. She has a loud mouth and never knows when to shut it.

"No, I'm here for my heart." I say irritated.

He looks me up and down and lets out a half smile. He looks like he's checking me out. I never have liked Luke. He trys to act cool and he really is just annoying, but Gisella always goes after the annoying ones. I shift uncomfortably under his stare.

"I don't remember you looking this good before." Luke says.

"Ha...um... I guess I've changed.."

He winks at me and I get super annoyed. I hate this kid, I really do. How can he be flirting when his girlfriend is right under his arm?

"I'll be right back babe. I have to go to the restroom."

She stands on her tiptoes and gives him a quick peck before leaving. She leaves and it's only me and Luke standing awkwardly in the hall.

"Well I have to go. Just stay right here. I'll come back later."

I turn to leave and I go down a long series of hallways. Seeing them has only brought up bad memories. I find a supply closet and shut myself in it. I'm staring at the wall in front of me when I hear the door open. I turn and see Luke standing tall over me. He closes the door and locks it into place. My heart starts racing. What was he doing here? Why did he follow me? I try to move around him but he won't let me.

"Um... this isn't the therapy room. I have to go."

"You're not going anywhere."

My heart races like crazy and I know that whatever is going to happen is not good. I close my eyes tight and open them again hoping that this is all a dream. It's not and that's when I see his hands coming towards me. I'm trapped with Luke.


	11. Trapped

_**Author's Note: Thank you guys for supporting me. I've received more reviews and everything and it really makes me want to work harder. I'm here to warn you about this chapter. It could be implied that there will be some sexual harassment, so if you're not good with that kind of stuff do not read this chapter. It's nothing bad, but I don't want it to be a trigger to anyone. Love all the support. Same deal up for grabs.**_

Please don't let this happen. Please. My hearts beating like crazy and I feel sick. Luke stands tall over me. I don't know what his intentions are but I don't want to find out.

"Please Luke, I don't feel good. I could be really sick. Please just let me go." I beg.

He comes closer to me and puts his hand on my face.

"Now me moving would require me to care Livia. Which I don't. All I know is you're good looking and you're weak, so why not?" He asks.

His hand moves to my hair and gives it a tug. I yelp out in pain but he just shakes his head laughing.

"You can't stop me Livia. Just give in."

His hand moves down to my shoulder and moves slowly across my collar bone. I push his hand away glaring at him. My hands clench into fists at my side ready to try and fight him away if need be.

"Doesn't mean I won't try." I spit out at him.

He gives me an ugly smile.

"I always knew you were dumber than you looked."

My hand moves away from my side towards Luke's face. My fist connects at the base of his nose. He yells out and moves his hands to grab his nose. I can feel my nerves getting the best of me. I'm shaking violently trying to make it to the door. I fumble with the lock, I can't get it, my hands are shaking too hard.

"Come on! Please open!" I yell at the door.

I feel his hands grab my shoulders and toss me out of the way. I hit the ground in a heap and let out a scream. I push myself up to look him in the eyes. He comes charging at me grabbing my arms and pulling me up. I'm on my feet now and Luke has my arms in his grasps. I try to get away but Luke is so much bigger and stronger than me.

"God, you are an idiot Livia!" He yells in my face.

He pushes me harder against the wall making me feel like I'm about to cave into him. He leans his body against mine and I try to push him off me.

"Get off me!" I yell at him.

He just laughs at me pushing my chest harder. I have trouble breathing and I have to catch my breath. His face his only inches from mine.

"You are broken Livia." He hisses.

"I am not!"

I have a surge of energy and manage to create more space between us. He looks at me with those nasty eyes and I do the only thing I can think of. I spit at him, the most disrespectful thing you can do. It is not until I see the crazy in his eyes I realize I've made a mistake. He comes at me full force and knocks me up against the wall. It knocks the wind out of me and I slide my back down the wall. I can't breathe and my chest aches. I try to scream for help but his hands cover my mouth. His hands are like knives trying to rip my shirt. His lips come onto mine and his teeth grind against me. I turn my head and he does the same thing to my neck. I scream and his hand covers my mouth again. I think I hear someone coming down the hall. I bite Luke's hand and I scream out for the one person I trust.

"HELP ME! JORDI! SOMEONE HELP!"

Luke grabs my hair and lifts me up. He starts shaking me violently and I can't help but think this will be my death. I would die in the hands of this monster. This ugly, horrible, mean monster. He throws me on the ground and he climbs over me. His hands fumble with my shirt trying to tear it away. My hearts beating faster and my chest aches with a great pain.

"HELP ME!"

Luke's given up on trying to stop me. He must realize my idea is hopeless.

"LIVIA!" I hear someone scream.

His voice sounds like Jordi's and I take the opportunity.

"JORDI? HELP ME!"

I hear pounding on the door. Jordi fumbles with the door but can't open it. It's then I realize the door locks from the inside.

"LIVIA!"

Luke realizes what he has done and forces his whole body on top of mine. I can't breathe and I can see his eyes up close. For a moment I feel bad for him. His eyes are full of sadness and anger. I try to scream out but I don't have the breath. I claw at Luke's back and he gets off of me. I crawl over to the door and bang on it.

"Jordi... help me..." I try to yell through the door.

"NURSE JACKSON IS COMING LIVIA, HOLD ON!"

Luke's hands turn me around and I feel his fist hit me in the stomach.

"Hurry..." I gasp.

I grab my stomach in pain and lay on the floor. Luke stands over me looking down at me with disgust. My vision starts to have spots in them and I start to worry for my health. Luke pulls me up to him and takes off my shirt. I push and scream and claw but I can't move him. I feel his hands at the base of my stomach and I shiver. His hands are cold and rough. He moves his hand up my stomach and around to my ribs. He makes his way up to my collarbone and I try to scream. My voice is gone and I have become weaker. I feel his hands move to my back where my bra is. I can feel his hands start to fumble and I start to cry. I let my tears soak his shirt and I start hiccuping.

"Please...stop..." I plead with him.

He ignores me and keeps trying to tear away the material that keeps me hidden from him.

"IN HERE!" I hear Jordi yell.

I hear footsteps coming faster towards the door.

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!" Nurse Jackson yells.

I hear fumbling on the other side of the door. My vision blurs and I use all my energy to push Luke away. I grab at my chest in pain and Luke takes the opportunity to push me into the corner. My vision starts to fade and I see the door open and Nurse Jackson runs through. Luke takes the chance to get away and Nurse Jackson kneeling over me putting her hand to my cheek. My breaths are labored and I try to cover up as much as possible.

"Honey are you okay?!" She asks me worried.

I can't answer though. I let my eyes close and slip into darkness knowing I'm safe.

(Jordi POV)

I see the guy that was with Livia's friend before run out of the closet. I run over to him grabbing him by the collar.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" I scream in his face.

He doesn't answer me and I let my anger take control of me. I push him back and land a punch on his cheek. He falls back and I grab his hair in my fist.

"DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH HER AGAIN!"

I try to punch him again but I feel hands on me pulling me away from him. I realize they belong to Dash and Leo. The whole society is here. The whole thing captured everyone's attention. Nurse Jackson had called the police and cops approach and take him away with handcuffs. I calm down and I turn back to the closet. I see Emma looking into the closet and her hands go to her mouth. My heart beats like crazy as I run over to see Livia. My hands go to my mouth and I let out a muffled gasp. Doctors stand over her as she lays unconscious. I can see her laying there almost helpless. Her eyes are red and puffy and tears lay on her cheeks. Her arms have bruises covering them with some blood marks. Her shirt lays limply on her and she lays with just her bra. You can see her ribs through her skin. She has scratch marks up and down her stomach and back. Her hair lies in a perfect halo around her obviously tangled. Her fingernails have blood underneath them and she has dark bruises around her wrists. I see a team of nurses lift her up and carry her out to a stretcher that has been prepared for her in the hallway.

"Livia!" I hear Emma shout.

I see Emma run over to her on the stretcher, placing her hand on her arm. She takes her hand back fast looking shocked. She turns to the rest of us and screams.

"She's cold to the touch! Dead people are cold to the touch!"

She runs over and falls into Leo. He holds her rubbing her back trying to soothe her.

There's another girl that walks over. She was the one I saw with Luke earlier.

"Hey! Do you know what your boyfriend did!" I shout at her.

She has tears in her eyes.

"Did he do this to Livia?"

I look at her and nod my head. She stops and looks over at Livia.

"She tried to tell me before. How bad he was. I didn't listen. I'm wishing now that I did."

She walks over to Livia and lays her hand on her hair. Dash and Kara follow to go see Livia for themselves. Dash looks back at me with sad eyes. Kara has new tears sliding down her cheeks as she and Dash approach me. I see Nurse Brittany walking by and I run over to her.

"What's going to happen to Livia?!"

She looks over at me, she looks almost upset to tell me.

"I don't know Jordi, I don't know."

I let her walk away from me and I feel Dash's hand go back to my shoulder. I watch as the nurses roll Livia away. She looks almost like she's in a forever sleep. Her skin almost see through. Her eyes are deep and sunken. Yet her lips, the same lips I've kissed, are full of life. I can't help but feel I've lost her. I'll never get to kiss those lips again. Never get to hold her, or sing to her. Even if she turns out okay, things will never be the same. I let a tear slip and roll down my cheek. I turn and see everyone else has done the same.

"I'm sorry Livia...I'm so sorry." I say out loud.

Everyone looks at me and tries to comfort me. I let my tears fall freely watching Livia disappear.

"I think I love you..." I whisper to myself, so quiet, almost I can't hear it.


	12. Hard

_**Author's Note: Thank you guys for sticking with me. It's been a couple a days since I've posted so I apologize. I have school and things came up. Anyway here's the chapter I was working on. Same deal is always up for grabs. I hope you enjoy!**_

(Jordi's POV)

"She's all clear to visit. Just please, be careful with her." Dr. McAndrew said.

Emma, Leo, Kara, Dash, and I were all standing outside Livia's door getting this lecture. I wasn't paying attention though. All I could think about was her. I wanted to hold her and tell her how much I cared. To kiss her and feel the way I only did with her. I wasn't allowed to though. Livia was scarred, and touching wouldn't be good for her.

"So, can I go first?" Emma asks.

"Um… sure… yea I guess so. I want to go second though." I state.

I see Emma open Livia's door carefully and walk in. She closes the door behind her walks over to the window. She looks at everyone and smiles and closes the blinds. We couldn't see into the room, and she couldn't see out. I didn't care though. I just wanted Emma out, so I could see Livia.

(Emma's POV)

She laid there fragile and weak. I walk over to the side of the bed and look down at her. She was bruised heavily. Scratch marks and bruises still lingered on her skin. She was doing much better than everyone thought though. Everyone was convinced she wouldn't make it. Nurse Jackson told us her will to live was stronger than anyone else she has ever known. Livia wasn't awake though. Her eyes were closed in a deep sleep.

"Hey Livia." I say pulling a chair to the side of the bed.

I look down at her and my eyes well up. How did this happen? How come Livia has to go through this? How come life is so unfair!

"You know, everyone is worrying about you. I know you hate it when people worry about you though. It's been two days since the accident. We weren't allowed to come visit you. You missed it, your grandparents came to visit with your brothers and sisters." I say taking her hand in my own.

I look up and around the room. Livia and I use to come in here and just read. I could always talk to her about my eating disorder. She understood, she wouldn't beg me to eat. She knew that doesn't help. She just listened and offered advice. She's always been there for me. I'm realizing now I never let her talk about her own problems. I never push to see if she's okay. I promise from now on I will.

"I need you better Livia. I miss my friend. My best friend." I say with tears streaming down my face. "I know I should listen to you more. I should make sure you're okay. I promise I will. Just please, get better."

I watch my tears hit the blankets of her bed. She doesn't make any movements. I can see her chest rising and falling in a pattern. I think about how it's a blessing she's alive and okay. I grip her hand tighter.

"It's hard Livia. It's so hard seeing you like this. It really is." I let the tears fall freely tired of having to act strong. " I can't imagine how you feel right now. Jordi's going crazy without you." I laugh. "He feels like its his fault. You know you two are really good together. He deserves you and you deserve him. He's probably gonna kill me for getting to visit you first. I should go though. I promise to come visit you. Please get better Livia."

I watch her for a moment, almost expecting a response. I give her hand a squeeze and move to get up. I see her eyes flutter and I get excited. Nothing happens though. I walk to the window and open the blinds back open. I see everyone's eyes peering on me. I shake my head and make my way over to the door. I look back at Livia and let out a small smile.

"It's hard, but we'll get through this Livia."

With that I walk out and make my way over back to the group. Jordi meets me halfway looking anxious.

"How was she?!"

"She was just sleeping Jordi. She didn't hear me, I just talked to her. You can still see the marks he left though."

He looks down at his feet. Mentioning _him _always made Jordi mad or upset.

"I'm going in."

I step in front of him trying to stop him.

"Jordi, I don't think that's a good idea. You'll make yourself too worked up."

He looks me in the eyes. He looks angry at the idea.

"Don't tell me I can't go see her! I have to!

He pushes past me and walks through the door slamming it behind him. He walks over to the window and draws the curtains.

"He loves her…" Leo says looking over at me.

"Liv doesn't need that right now." Dash states.

"Yes she does, she needs him." Kara objects.

I look at the window realizing they're both behind the glass, broken in some way.

"No, they need each other." I say.

Everyone looks at me and I walk over to Leo. I take his hand and give it a squeeze. Kara comes up behind me and in a silence we both leave. I already know where we're all heading. Leo and Dash follow close behind. We take the elevator up to the roof. In a way, we were with Livia, this was her favorite spot.

(Jordi's POV)

I stand over Livia. I don't want to believe she's hurt. I want her to be okay. I take her in my own comparing hers to mine. Her hand is much smaller than mine, looking delicate in my own hands.

"Livia, I really need you to wake up." I say.

I watch her for a few minutes. I see her eyes flutter and then I see her gray eyes staring back at me. I let a smile break across my face.

"Hey Jordi." She says.

My heart races and I want to hold her and never let her go. The way she says my name makes me excited.

"Livia!"

(Livia's POV)

I see Jordi standing over me with my hand in his. My first reaction was to yank my hand away, but then I remembered it was Jordi.

"Hi Jordi." I say sleepily.

"Livia!"

He looks like he's about to jump on my bed out of excitement. I can see him hesitate though. I can only imagine how many things people have told him.

"Jordi, look, I'm fine. Please don't baby me. That's the last thing I need."

I get up out of bed and twirl around in a circle showing him I'm ok. He stays his distance, I can see his eyes lingering over my body. The marks are clearly visible. He almost looks upset. I know why, he feels it's his fault. I hated what happened to me. It haunts me, but Jordi makes it better for me. Feeling his touch makes me forget Luke's. I walk over to Jordi grabbing his hand.

"I'm okay Jordi, feel..."

I take his hand and place it over my heart. My heart has a regular beat, almost calm. He looks at me in the eyes almost like I'm lying.

"Livia...I can't begin to tell you..."

I motion for him to stop.

"Jordi, I don't want to talk about what ifs. I just want you to be here for me."

His hand still stays over my heart as he moves closer to me, filling in the space between us. My heartbeat goes faster and he notices.

"So, I make you nervous?" He asks.

"I guess I can't help it around you."

He moves his hands down to my hips and I shudder. I look him in the eyes trying not to cry out. I'm bruised all over and it's painful not only physically but emotionally to be touched. I refuse to let Luke rule me though. He wouldn't take away the one thing I cared about. He wouldn't take away Jordi. I move my hands to the back of his neck and pull him in closer to me. Right before our lips are about to touch, I let out a laugh.

"What's so funny?" Jordi asks.

"I never thought it'd be so hard."

"So hard for what?"

I look at him, into his deep brown eyes.

"To try to fight something that you can't."

I pull him towards me and I feel our lips connect. We stay like this for a while until I break away. I let out a yawn, trying to cover up my tiredness.

"You tired Livia."

"No, where'd you get that from?" I flirt.

"Come on Livia."

He scoops me up bridal style and I giggle. He places me on my bed and I know he's about to leave. I don't want him though too. The dreams become my reality at night and it's too hard to face alone all night.

"Jordi... will you please... stay...with me for the night." I ask nervously.

Without answer Jordi slides into the bed next to me. His warmth radiates and I feel protected. He wraps his arms around me as we face each other.

"Now just go to sleep. I'll be here if you wake up."

I bury my face in Jordi's chest and let his warmth envelope me. I'm terrified to go to sleep. Jordi rubs the small of my back and sings softly to me. Soon I'm into the slumber I tried so hard to never face.

**_"You think he could ever love you! YOU"RE WRONG!" Luke glares at me._**

**_"No, Jordi's not like you! He cares!"_**

**_"No Livia, he only wants you for your looks. Once you get to crazy he'll leave you." _**

**_I shake my head at him. _**

**_"You're wrong."_**

**_"Am I?"_**

**_Luke runs over to me and tackles me to the ground. He's clawing at my neck, trying to grab something. _**

**_"STOP!" _**

**_He rips something off my neck, it looks like a necklace. I've never seen it before. _**

**_"There, I've taken everything away from you now. Your hope, innocence, now the only thing you care about."_**

**_I feel a weight being pressed on my chest and I see Jordi looking down at me. _**

**_"Jordi help!"_**

**_He shakes his head at me leaving me alone with Luke. Luke laughs as Jordi takes his side. Jordi's eyes go blank._**

"AH!" I yell out.

I look around realizing I'm still next to Jordi. I let out a sigh of relief and try to relax. I lay in his arms trying to convince myself he cared. Why else would he be here?

"Jordi, I love you." I mumble into his chest. "Please, don't hurt me."

I watch his chest move up and down and hear his even breathing. He's asleep, he wouldn't hear me. I've wanted to get it off my chest.

"I love you Jordi. I love you. I can't tell you though, but it's too hard to try to fight the feeling away." I speak again.

I feel Jordi shift on the bed and my heart stops. What if he heard me?! I listen, but his breaths are still even and he's still asleep. I push my way closer to him and try to sleep again.

(Jordi's POV)

I wake in the middle of the night to make sure she's okay. I hear her mumbling something.

"I can't tell you though, but it's too hard..."

It's all I can make out and I pretend to stay asleep hoping for her to say something else. She relaxes and falls back asleep in my arms. I wait a while longer to make sure she's asleep. I kiss the top of her head and lean over to look at her face. She's looks perfect when she's asleep.

"I love you Livia." I whisper into her hair.

I pull her in closer to me so I can feel her body pressed against mine. I listen to her breathing and soon it soothes me to sleep too.


	13. Something New

_**Author's Note: Wow you guys amaze me. I never expected so much feedback and success out of this story. I love seeing what you guys think and it makes me want to write more and more. I am planning on writing a sequel to this book. I hope you enjoy this new chapter. SAME DEAL GUYS!**_

I wake up in Jordi's arms with the sun shining through into my room. Jordi's asleep and I fall into the rhythm of his breathing. I watch his chest move up and down and in a way it calms me. All I can think about is about how I'm losing control in my life. When you have anxiety, control is the one thing that matters. I wanted my control back. I slide out of the protection of Jordi's arms and stand up. I walk over to the corner of my room and look at the mirror. I scan my eyes over my body, the bruises, the scratches, everything. I know the marks will fade, but the emotional toll is always harder. I turn to the side and look at my stomach. I run my hands down my body feeling my arms, stomach, and legs. I've never been one for self-esteem or self-confidence. I look at the girl's eyes, trying to find something. I see Jordi turning in the corner of my eye and know he's about to wake. I plaster on a smile looking at myself in the mirror. I don't want him worrying about me. I look at myself waiting for him to wake up.

"You wake up too early..." Jordi mumbles.

I walk over to my bed and sit down on the edge, moving my hand to rub his hair.

"I've never been one for sleeping in."

I see a smile break across Jordi's face as he comes closer to me. He sits up rubbing his eyes. He looks at me with a wide grin.

"Can I ask you to stay in bed for a little longer."

He reaches his hand over and snakes it around my waist. I feel my breath quicken thinking about him and his touch. I also think about Luke. I try to push the thought away and focus on Jordi.

"Hmmm... I don't know Jordi. I think I like teasing you more." I retort.

I watch him for a minute trying to keep a serious face. My smile returns though and Jordi matches my own smile. I start giggling like a little girl just looking at Jordi's smile. He pulls me in close to him and I start laughing loudly. I'm on my back with my head in Jordi's lap laughing. He looks down at me pushing a strand of hair out of my face.

"You know you're beautiful in the morning."

I close my eyes trying to picture the girl he sees. My family use to see her to. I feel a lump in my throat grow as I think about the family I left at home. I let out a whimper but try to cover it up with a small laugh. It's useless though, Jordi has already seen my sadness.

"What's wrong Livia?" He asks concerned.

"This whole time I've been here, a whole month, my family hasn't tried to contact me or anything. I'm not the girl you see, not to them. Only to you."

Jordi doesn't say anything, he just pulls me into his lap and pulls the covers up to my waist. He pulls me back into him, and I rest my head on his shoulder staring outside the window.

"Sometimes I miss her, my own mom, Livia. We have to stay strong though. I have you and you have me. That's all I need Livia."

He buries his head into my shoulder spreading his warmth throughout me. I let the moment take me over and focus on Jordi's movements. His arms enveloping me and his lips whispering in my ear.

"You're all I need Livia. All I need here. All I need is you." He continues to whisper in my ear.

"Jordi will you sing to me?" I ask him.

"Of course I will. What song?"

"Something that reminds you of me." I answer.

He turns my face to look at his and cups my face. He moves his lips to mine and we share a soft, tender kiss. He pulls away and moves his lips close to my ear. He sings so softly to me it's soothing.

_(James Bay- Hold Back The River)_

_Tried to keep you close to me_

_But life got in between_

_Tried to square not being there_

_But think that I should have been_

_Hold back the river let me look in your eyes _

_Hold back the river so I_

_Can stop for a minute and see where you hide_

_Hold back the river, hold back_

_Once upon a dear friend life _

_We rode our bikes into the sky_

_With love we call against the tide_

_Those distant days are flashing by_

_Hold back the river let me look in your eyes_

_Hold back the river so I_

_Can stop for a minute and see where you hide_

_Hold back the river, hold back_

_Hold back the river let me look in your eyes_

_Hold back the river so I_

_Can stop for a minute and see where you hide_

_Hold back the river, hold back_

_Hold oho oho oho oho oho oho oho oho_

_Lonely water, lonely water, won't you let us wander_

_Let us hold each other_

_Lonely water, lonely water, won't you let us wander_

_Let us hold each other_

_Hold back the river let me look in your eyes_

_Hold back the river so I_

_Can stop for a minute and be by your side_

_Hold back the river, hold back_

_Hold back the river let me look in your eyes_

_Hold back the river so I_

_Can stop for a minute and be by your side_

_Hold back the river, hold back_

_Lonely water, lonely water, won't you let us wander_

_Let us hold each other_

_Lonely water, lonely water, won't you let us wander_

_Let us hold each other..._

He ends there stopping the song with a kiss landing on my neck. I want nothing more than to stay here forever with Jordi like this. I know I can't though. Not forever, one day he'd forget about us. I didn't want to think about it. I feel Jordi's kisses moving up my neck to my cheek and soon my lips. I hear a throat clear and push Jordi away.

"Sorry to break this whole thing up. I'm surprised you slept in the same bed. WOW. Anyway, I wanted to talk to Livia and hang out since you've been asleep these past two days. You in?" Kara stands in the doorway of my room.

"What are we gonna talk about Kara?" I ask getting up out of bed.

"I'm gonna fill you in on the drama here. Duh!" She adds.

"What would I do without you Kara." I joke turning to the mirror trying to brush my hair.

"Meet me in my room in like thirty minutes okay?"

"Okay. See you then."

With that she leaves and I'm left alone with Jordi again. He stands up walking over to me pulling me into his body. I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes.

"You know where to find me."

"I do."

He pulls me in for one last kiss, this one lasting longer than all the others. By the time it's over I have to catch my breath.

"I have to go now. I'll see you later Livia."

He leaves me standing trying to catch my breath. A feeling overwhelms me and it takes all my strength not to run over to him and jump into him.

"Why do you care Jordi? Why do you do this to me?" I murmur.

I had to get it off my chest. I turn back to the mirror, trying to decide what to do with myself. I throw my hair into a quick high ponytail and change into some light blue skinny jeans with a peach colored v-neck. I give myself a nod of approval and walk out my door to Kara's room. I try to pass through the nurse's station without being seen. There may have been a couple therapy sessions I "forgot" to go to. I rush past Nurse Jackson's eyes and luckily escape. I run up to Kara's room and see her waiting for me.

"Hey Livia. You're here earlier than I thought."

"Well, I guess I really wanted to hear the drama."

Kara laughs and lays on her bed looking up at the ceiling. I walk over to Charlie and sit next to him.

"Hey Charlie, I haven't talked to you in a while. Maybe when I get my surgery we can do something."

Kara looks over at me and rolls her eyes.

"Livia, you're too nice."

I just laugh at her and sit on the edge of her bed.

"So what's up with you? With everyone really."

Her phone rings and her eyes light up.

"No time to explain. Go talk to Emma, I have to go."

"Wait where are you going?"

She jumps out of bed almost running out the door before turning back to me.

"Um, with Hunter. Got a rubber?"

I stare at her with my mouth open.

"You're gonna hook up with Hunter right after you invited your friend who's had a lot of problems comes to visit?" I look at her seriously.

"Well... uh..." She says looking down at her feet.

"First of all, go have fun. Second of all, no I'm not gonna give you a rubber. I don't have one. Look at me." I say with a smile.

She looks at me for a second before giving me her famous Kara smirk.

"Fine. You really are too nice. Next time we're gonna have a lesson on saying no." She shouts walking down the hall.

I just shake my head looking at Charlie.

"What am I gonna do with her?" I ask jokingly.

I look around not knowing what to do with myself.

"What am I gonna do with myself. See you later Charlie."

Not knowing where to go I head over to Emma's. She she's me before I even get to her room and before I know it she's running over to me giving me a huge hug in the process.

"I missed you too Emma." I say a little teary eyed.

"Come on." Emma say's pulling my hand.

We're moving towards the stairs that lead to the roof and we run up it as fast as we can. Emma stops me at the door.

"Now I know you love the roof, so I decorated. I hope you like it."

She opens the door and my jaw drops. Lights hang on the bricks of the hospital with chairs and a couch to sit on. A beautiful rug sits there along with a basket full of blankets.

"Emma this is awesome! You're the best friend I've ever had."

I run over to her and give her a hug before running to jump on the couch.

"I have to go get everyone. They want to see you too. Stay here."

She leaves and I sit on the couch taking in the sight. I loved it up here. Soon everyone comes bursting through the door. Leo, Dash, Jordi, Kara, Hunter, and of course Emma.

"LIVIA!" Leo yells using his crutches to get over to me.

I stand up and soon everyone is filing in and out to hug me. It really made my day.

"Liv, we missed you."

"I missed you guys too. You're all incredible to have around. I really mean it."

Everyone moves to the couches and we're all talking having a good time.

"You know, my school's having another dance. I'm not going after Homecoming, but sometimes I miss being normal." Kara says to the group.

"Maybe we could have our own dance. You know, try something new." Dash suggests.

"Like a real dance. With fancy dresses and stuff." Emma asks.

"Yea sure, why not? It sounds like fun." Leo adds.

"Livia?" Jordi looks over at me.

I think of my dad, how everything changed on the night of the dance. I take a deep breath and I let out my answer.

"Yea, sounds like fun. As long as someone asks me so I don't go alone." I joke looking at Jordi.

"Aw, man. Looks like Liv is taken. You lucky Jordi." Dash says.

I blush and laugh at Dash. Obviously he had this whole different view of me. Jordi slides closer over to me wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I lean my head on his shoulder closing my eyes.

"There you are! Livia you missed two sessions of therapy. You're going now!" Nurse Jackson yells.

I open my eyes wide dreading the session.

"Okay Nurse Jackson. I'll be down in a minute."

"One minute, otherwise I'll drag you down to therapy."

She leaves and I'm left to say goodbye to everyone else.

"I'll walk you." Jordi says getting up grabbing my hand.

I turn and wave goodbye to everyone else.

"That dance is gonna be three days from now. I said so!" I yell over my shoulder.

"Okay." Everyone says.

So hand in hand me and Jordi walk to my therapy.

"I'm excited to try something new."

"I know, my first dance."

I stop at the door we just reached. Mrs. Harris would not be nice about me missing. I let out a long breath and turn to Jordi.

"Well, I have to go. See you soon. Please stop by later." I look in his eyes.

"Of course." He says.

I give him a quick peck on the lips before opening the door and heading in. I look up to see Mrs. Harris staring me down.

"We have a lot to talk about Miss Livia."

I gulp.

"Yea, I guess we do..."


	14. Time

_**Author's Note: Thank you guys! I love doing this. I promise to finish this book with more chapters and a second book may or may not be in the works. All depends on you guys. THANK YOU. SAME DEAL IS ON THE TABLE!**_

"Have a seat Miss Livia." Mrs. Harris says sternly.

I listen to her command under he harsh gaze. I sit down quietly and wait for her lecture to begin.

"Livia, you haven't been coming to our meetings. I have no choice but to be upset about it."

"I'm sorry Mrs. Harris." I apologize.

She just shakes her head sadly at me.

"Do you want to get better?" She asks me.

I stare at her wide eyed and angry. Was she oblivious to everything that has happened? Can she not see how I want to get better?

"Of course I do!"

"Well what am I suppose to think? You haven't gotten any better with your anxiety. We don't have time for this Livia. You need to get better."

I stare at her, trying to turn my gray eyes into daggers. I try to look past her, but my anger controls me and I have to stare her down.

"I have as much time as I need. I am getting better. You just can't see it." I retort.

She shakes her head at me with a smirk on her face, letting out a small laugh.

"Time isn't something you have Livia. You think you're getting better. But why? Because of that boy? Jordi is his name right? You're both in a hospital, one of you has to leave before the other. Once he's gone, what happens to you? Do you really think he'll come back for you? You have to get better on your own."

I look down at my feet avoiding her gaze. She's wrong. Jordi and I are better than that. He wouldn't leave me. Or would he?

"You didn't think of this before." She asks.

"No." I say immediately.

"You do realize your life depends on you. You need a new heart, but we can't risk going into surgery until you get better. Don't you want to get out of this place. Don't you want to go home?"

What home? I've never felt at home. I've never had a stable family, someone is always leaving. A dead dad and a mom who doesn't care isn't the best place to grow up in. I don't want to go back home, it won't help me.

"We called your mom. She's coming to visit you today. She's suppose to be here in about fifteen minutes. We want you to go get ready and then we're having a session the next day. Got it?"

"No I'm not going to see her! That's not what I want! Give me time!"

Mrs. Harris snaps, slamming her hand on the desk in front of her making me jump. I stay silent.

"You don't have time Livia!"

She calms adjusting her glasses back into place. She sits up straight waiting for my reaction.

"Fine."

"You need your mothers support in all this." She adds.

"I never have. I don't want her support."

I get up and walk out her door before hearing anymore bad news. I walk to my room antsy for my mothers arrival. I straighten up my room out of habitat and sit down on my couch, twirling my thumbs. What am I suppose to do? How do I look normal? I hear footsteps and look up to see Nurse Jackson standing by my doorway.

"I'm sorry sweet pea." She squeaks.

She walks over to me and sits down next to me. I keep my hands in my lap watching them.

"You don't always have to be so strong Livia. It's okay to rely on people."

I gaze up at her trying to hear the truth in her words. I can only listen though.

"Thanks Nurse Jackson."

She pulls me in for a hug and I let my head rest on her shoulder. She pulls back and looks at my face with a sad look in her eyes.

"If your mom is too much for you, you holler for me. Got it?"

"I will. I'm almost positive." I joke.

She gives my arm a squeeze before getting up to leave. I let myself sit staring at my nails. I hear laughter in the hall and I see the red band society walking my way. A ping of jealousy washes over me at first, but then I remind myself they're coming to visit me. They have their problems too, not just me. Don't be so self-centered Livia.

"Yo Liv. What's up?" Dash asks.

"Dash we saw each other like, I don't know, 10 minutes ago?"

"A lot can happen in ten minutes." Kara says with a smirk.

My face reddens at her joke. I knew exactly what she meant.

"So what are you doing today?" Leo asks.

"Yea, we wanted to go dress shopping." Emma adds.

My immediate reaction is to look up at Jordi for help. I forget that he knows nothing about today. He returns a confused look at me.

"Oh... um... my mom is visiting today. No big deal."

"That's great! Can I meet her!" Emma says excitedly.

"No!" I say quickly.

Jordi gives me a look. I know he'll be asking me a lot of questions later.

"It's just... I haven't talked to her in a while. I just want it to be me and her." I lie.

"Okay, maybe next time." Emma says unfazed.

I forgot to tell everyone about my mom. They must think she's an amazing person. I'd die if they found out what she's really like.

"Yea...next time." Jordi says looking over at me.

"Well, I got to get ready. I'll see you guys later!" I say, trying to sound cheery.

Everyone files out of my room but Jordi. He gives me a look and I sigh.

"Okay, I promise, you can meet her next time. I just miss her and I want to talk to her alone." I lie looking down at my feet.

He looks at my eyes and seems to know I'm lying, but he doesn't push.

"Okay. See you later Livia."

He pulls me in for a quick kiss that I wish would've lasted longer. He starts to walk away but I grab his arm for a minute. He stops looking at me. I forgot all of my intentions with Jordi.

"Oh.. sorry.. I'll see you."

He looks back almost upset, but eventually leaves my room. I follow behind him and close the door on his way out. I let out a long breath and try to recollect my thoughts. I don't want my mom here. I don't. Why can't she just stay away? That's when I hear knocking. I know who it is before I even up the door. Once I do, I'm greeted by the sight of my mother. She's a short women with dyed, thinning blonde hair. She has green eyes with bags under them. Her skin is older than she is after what she's put it through. She has a long nose and freckles that spread across her cheeks and nose. Big sunglasses cover her face, so I can't read her emotion. Her nose is stuck in her phone too. All I know is that I see the same women I left. Someone trying to hold onto their youth and willing to sacrifice anything for it. Even a healthy relationship with her family. She looks up noticing the open door and her first daughter behind it. I see her eyes go beyond me, scanning my room.

"I've never liked your sense in style. This room is too bright. Too happy."

She walks past me moving around my room like she owns it. She plops herself down on my couch and spreads herself out.

"You will not believe what happened. Ever since you left the house has been better! Who would've thought. Just kidding. No one's there to do my laundry anymore. I didn't notice you were gone until laundry day."

I stare at her stone faced. She doesn't care. Why is she here?

"I can't believe you."

My mom took to the defense immediately. We'd be fighting in no time.

"What! Don't talk to your mother like that. I came out here for you."

"You've never acted like a mother to me before. You weren't there for me when I was younger, and you aren't here now."

"I've done nothing but support you through all this."

I literally laugh out loud.

"Support? Do you even know what's happened here. I was almost raped here. I almost died here. Don't you get it?"

Her expression softens and she starts to back off. She ponders for a minute but returns to her normal self.

"You've never appreciated anything I've done."

"I never will. You abandoned me, I won't let it happen again."

"Your dad left you, I left you, everyone will leave you. That's what you do to people! This is your fault!"

"Get out!"

I stand and point to the door. She sits for a minute, confused by my sudden anger.

"GET OUT NOW!" I yell.

She storms out of my room complaining the whole way.

"I'll be back!" She yells over her shoulder.

I slam the door and I fall to the floor in a heap. My eyes stay dry but I lay on the floor wondering why I had this life.

(Time Skip)

I'm laying on my bed staring into blank space when she comes back. She slams through my door with such great force it's scary. She's obviously drunk.

"I was looking for you." She slurs.

"Mom go home." I try to lead her towards the door.

She yanks away from my grasp.

"No, I want some air."

"Okay, lets go out the front."

"No!"

She takes off sprinting towards the stairs running up them. I know she's trying to head towards the roof. I can't let her go alone so I follow trying to keep up.

"Mom stop!" I yell.

I grab her arm and she spins around to face me. She laughs in my face and her breath reeks of alcohol.

"I want some air." She repeats.

She slips away and bursts through the roof doors. I follow and see them. She's not the only one up there.

"Hey everybody!" She spits out.

"Mom please..." I beg.

"I'm Livia's mom!" She screams out.

Leo, Dash, Jordi, Emma, Kara, and even Hunter all stare at her. Their eyes dart from me to her, almost like they can't believe it.

"Hello Mrs...?" Emma tries to ask.

"Oh don't bother. I'm not important. I don't really care about Livia anyway. Isn't that right Livia."

She puts a hand on my shoulder almost falling down.

"Mom please, please, please..."

"Oh stop! Your friends must know I'm a drunk by now! Don't they? Or did you lie and tell them I'm a good mom?"

She stops staring at everyone. She lets her mouth hang down, not caring.

"Guess not. Oh well. You won't be seeing much more of me anyway. Livia doesn't like me. Never has, never will. Isn't that right dear?"

"Mom please, go." I whisper.

She stares at me and she turns angry. She starts heading towards me with a finger pointed at my face.

"I hate you Livia. You're everything I was suppose to be!"

She pushes past me making me almost fall over. She's out the door before I can even regain my balance. I'm so ashamed. Everyone stares at me.

"Okay, that's my mom. My life isn't picture perfect!" I yell, anger coming from no where.

"Livia..." Jordi starts.

"Stop, I'm not doing this tonight." I state.

I look at all the sad eyes everyone is giving me and I hate it.

"She's a drunk! Who cares! She hates me! Who cares!" I yell, with teary eyes.

"Livia lets talk.." Emma begs.

"No, just leave me alone." I push past everyone and head back to my room. I see my mom sprawled out over my bed. I stare at her for a moment before heading over to sit on the edge of the bed. I push the hair out of her face and look down at her. I've always been more of a mother to her.

"What are we gonna do mom." I say stroking her hair.

I sit for a minute letting the silence take us over. My moms eyes are sealed closed, but I can see tears escaping them.

"I don't know..." She answers.

"We need to figure this out, before it's too late mom."

"We don't have time."

She gets up and leaves me alone in my room. I never felt so alone. Abandoned, yet again by my mother. I hated time.


	15. You Again

_**Author's Note: Hey guys! I couldn't wait to update so here it is! I really want to write another book to this, but I'm wondering what you guys think. Should I? Should I not? Thank you to all you guys! I love reading your reviews and seeing what you think! Anyway, same deal is up for grabs. I love the support!**_

"So looks like you have more to your story than I thought." Jordi says.

I look up to see him walking in my room closing the door quietly behind him. He comes over to the bed and sits down next to me wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I turn my head to look at him.

"I guess so."

He looks at me before landing a kiss on my cheek. I lean my head on his shoulder and we sit in a perfect silence.

"We're more alike than you think."

"Yea, we both have bad moms."

"You wanted everyone to think you had a good mom though. I told everyone mine was dead. Why do you care about her so much?"

I lift my head and look Jordi in the eyes. I'm trying to read him like he can read me.

"I want her to be there for my younger sister."

"I think there's more to it than that." He says.

He looks me in the eye raising one eyebrow.

"I still want her to love me. I try but whatever I do, it doesn't work."

He takes my face in his hands and gives me a long kiss. He pulls back and he leaves me breathless. How can he do that every time? I collect my breath while he sits pulling me in closer to him. After ten minutes Jordi speaks.

"Once, when I was six, my mom took me to a casino. I sat under the table and handed her cards so she could win."

I don't mean to, but I start laughing out loud.

"What, we're sharing bad mom stories." He says with a smirk.

"Okay, okay. I got one. Once my mom came to my parent teacher conferences drunk. They were telling her how good of a student I was, and all she could respond with was a YEP!"

This time it's his turn to laugh. Soon I join him and we're both telling sad stories about our moms that are only funny to us. Soon it's getting late and I'm tired.

"I'm gonna go." Jordi says with a yawn.

I panic, thinking about the night I'll have to spend alone. I have to make Jordi stay. He gets up from my bed and starts walking towards my closed door.

"No. Wait."

I grab his arm and pull his head down, crashing my lips onto his. After awhile he pulls back. I look up at him with sad eyes. Without talking he looks at me.

"I'll come back."

He leaves opening the door and looking back once at me before closing it. I listen to his footsteps walking down the hall. I stand in the middle of my room with my arms wrapped around me. I walk over to my dresser and step out of all my clothes. I throw on some shorts and a t-shirt before sitting on my couch. I hear my door open and close again and I see Jordi. He looks the same except he's wearing sweat pants instead of jeans. He walks over to me and extends his hand out to me. I take it and he pulls me into him. He gives me a bear hug, and I feel so safe in his arms. He pulls away and I walk towards my bed and lay down. He turns off the lights and slips into bed next to me. I move closer to him and let his arms envelope me like the night before. I listen to his breathing against my ear.

"You could have just said you wanted me to stay. It's okay to admit you're afraid." He whispers.

I don't respond, instead I bury my face in his shirt and cry. He rubs my back pulling me in closer to him.

"It's okay Livia, I'm here. I'm here."

I pull away and wipe my eyes embarrassed at my outburst. I look up at him, specifically his eyes.

"Promise, you'll always be there for me."

"Promise." Jordi says without hesitation.

I close my eyes and listen to Jordi's heartbeat. It has a calm steady beat. I take my own hand and feel my own heartbeat. It's beating like crazy, trying to keep up with my nerves. I let out a sigh, more therapy would be needed. I look back up to see Jordi's eyes staring down at me. He puts his hand over my heart for a second. He moves his hand up to the side of my neck and then to my cheek. He pulls me in for one last kiss.

"It's okay Livia. It's okay."

I bury my face in his chest and close my eyes. I let myself believe Jordi could love me. I let myself believe I could love him.

"I know." I say half-heartedly.

I think deep down Jordi knew I was apprehensive. He just looks down at me with a half smile.

"Just always know that."

I fall asleep in his arms. I know the nightmares I'll face tonight, but in a way I feel strong enough to fight them in Jordi's arms.

(Jordi's POV)

I hold her close to me to remind myself she's not a dream. A girl like her, you hold on to. I look down at her sleeping face. Her bright, blonde hair falling in soft curls down her back. Her long eyelashes protecting her closed eyes. Her soft, pink lips that make you want to kiss her when you lay eyes on them. I move my hand over her heart, it beats rapidly. I wish I could keep her here, safe, in my arms. I can't though, she would never let me. She thinks no one can love her. I have to prove to her. The only way I can though is through her mom. I would make it my mission to talk to her. I give her a soft kiss on her forehead before closing my own eyes. I wanted to freeze the moment.

(Time Skip)

"Get up lovebirds. Time to start a new day."

I open my eyes slowly to see Nurse Jackson walking through my room to my window. I know what she is going to do, and the idea doesn't please me.

"Nurse Jackson wait!"

It's too late. She pulls back the blinds blinding me. Both Jordi and I groan at the bright light. I can hear Nurse Jackson let out the smallest of laughs.

"Nurse Jackson, it's too early." Jordi moans.

He burys his face into my shoulder and I shudder.

"You sir, have a chemo session in an hour and Livia, you have therapy. You both have somewhere else to be instead of laying around with each other giving each other the puppy dog eyes."

I let out a laugh, but Jordi just gives a moan in response. He turns over allowing me to see his eyes. I lean down and give him a quick peck on the lips. I see Nurse Jackson eyeing me in the corner of my eye.

"What? I couldn't help it." I say to her.

She just rolls her eyes at me and claps her hands. She's trying to motivate us to get ready.

"Come on, if you guys aren't up out of bed in ten minutes I'm getting cold water."

Both me and Jordi jump out of bed in response. I look over at Jordi and start laughing. Nurse Jackson walks away out of my room.

"Works every time." She adds before leaving.

"Looks like we have to get ready." I say to Jordi.

"I guess so."

I turn around to go pick out my clothes for the day but Jordi stops me.

"I don't think I've officially asked you this, but I'm going to."

He holds my gaze pulling me in closer to him. My heart starts to race thinking of all the possibilities.

"Will you accompany me to the Red Band Society Dance as my girlfriend?"

I let a smile break across my face gazing into Jordi's deep brown eyes.

"Of course I will Jordi."

He smiles and pulls me in for a hug.

"It's in two days so get ready."

"I will."

He pulls back looking down at me with a smile.

"I'll see you later?" He asks.

"Yes you will." I answer.

He takes my hand in his and kisses the top of it. With that he leaves, walking through my door with his head held high. I can't wait for the dance. I walk over to the mirror staring at myself. My mind goes blank.

"Livia?" I hear Nurse Brittany ask.

"Yes?" I say.

I keep my eyes on myself.

"You have a visitor."

I turn around and see her standing in my doorway.

"Livia, I wanted to talk." Gisella says.

"Not you again." I say under my breath.

"I'll just leave you two alone. Be nice you two."

Nurse Brittany leaves and I'm left with Gisella.

"Why are you here Gisella?" I can't help asking.

"I'm here to apologize, for Luke, and me."

I put my hand figuring for her to stop, I look down at my feet.

"I don't want to hear anything about Luke."

"Then listen about me. Please Livia."

I look up to see her eyes glistening. I take pity on her, and decide to listen to her.

"Okay, what do you have to say?"

"Sit, this might take awhile."

We sit on my couch, I turn to her waiting for her to start.

"I should of said something to you sooner. I am now though. Luke was always talking about you, not in a good way. He always talked about how good you looked and how he'd treat you. I always just shrugged it off. I never thought he would do anything."

I just nod in response waiting for her to continue.

"And what he did was wrong, trust me I know, but deep down I still love him. I know you'll be mad at me for saying it, but I really do. I know the real Luke and he feels horrible about it. Trust me."

"Listen Gisella. I know you love him and everything. It's not how I think of love, but it is for you. Don't ever, ever say he's sorry about it though. I know if he was really sorry he'd say it, not you. I appreciate the gesture though."

She just looks at me for a minute before getting up.

"That's all I wanted."

"Gisella, wait."

I stand up, reach my arms out to her and bring her in to hug me.

"We're good right?" She asks me.

"Yea, we're good."

She gives me one last squeeze before backing away.

"You know I think you and Luke really do need each other."

She looks back at me with a smile.

"Thank you Livia."

"Visit soon?"

"Yea, I will."

"Bye Gisella."

"Bye Livia."

I think deep down I know that Gisella will never visit me again. This would be the last time we actually talk face to face. I want to say so much more to her but I leave it at that. I give her a slight wave of my hand as she walks out my door. Another person gone, but this time, I don't feel abandoned. I feel like we're good. I look down at myself realizing I'm still in the same clothes I slept in. I go to my bathroom and change into some yoga pants and a light blue t-shirt that covers my butt in the back. I throw my hair into a high ponytail watching my curls fall down the middle of my back. I look one last time in the mirror before heading to Mrs. Harris's office. I get there at the door, my hand poised to knock. I count to three and bang my fist on the door. Mrs. Harris answers right away.

"I've been expecting you Livia, come in."

She steps aside letting me pass through. I sit in the same chair across from her desk.

"So, I heard your mom's visit was _interesting_ none the less. Care to elaborate?"

I stare at her, realizing how much of a pain I've been. She just wants me to get better. Only I can decide it though. I let out a sigh and decide to cooperate today.

"She came like her normal self. I told her she wasn't there for me and everything, then she left. She came back about an hour or two later drunk. She starts yelling and running around. She gets to the roof where all of my friends were. She starts yelling about how she doesn't care and how I was everything she was suppose to be. She left and I went after her a little while later. I found her on my bed, crying. I walked over to her to sit by her. I told her we needed to fix us, but she said there wasn't anytime. Then she left. I haven't heard from her since."

"Sounds to me, she's afraid."

"Of what?"

"Being a mom." She says point blank.

"I guess so."

We talk about my relationship with my mom through the years and how it's affected my life. Mrs. Harris is pleased with my progress and lets me leave early. I try not to look too excited. I get up and walk towards the door, but before I leave I have to tell Mrs. Harris something.

"Thanks Mrs. Harris, for everything. I'm sorry I've been a pain."

"It's fine, I know it's hard, what you're going through."

I give her a smile before heading back to my room. I stand in the doorway surprised at the sight. Kara and Emma are sitting on my bed laughing together.

"Wow, you guys actually talk when I'm not around." I say walking in my room.

"Yea, we're waiting for you. We want to go dress shopping, for the dance, you know?" Kara adds.

I let out a moan and plop down on my bed. I'm excited but I can't sound too excited. There's also a certain nervousness I get when it comes to dances. A memory of my dad pops into my head, and I literally have to shake my head slightly to get it out.

"It's gonna be soo much fun! I can't wait! Come on lets go!" Emma says pulling me up with her.

All three of us are heading out the hospital door, into the parking lot, and into Kara's car. We're on our way to a dress shop. I sorta zone out of the conversation, letting my mind wander. I think about how weird it is, that the best days of my life, are being spent in a hospital. I let a smile break across my face.

"What?" Kara asks looking over at me.

"Nothing, just happy."

"Don't go sentimental on me." Kara jokes.

"You wanna go right Livia?"Emma asks.

I turn so I can face her.

"Yes Emma, I want to be here. I wouldn't have it any other way."

I turn back in my seat and look out my window. It's funny how life works.


	16. Normal

_**Author's Note: You guys amaze me! I never expected this! You guys really encourage me to keep writing, so here's another chapter. Lovin the support guys! Same deal up for grabs.**_

"Alright, we're here. I've gone here so many times they know me by name. Ms. Claire should help us out." Kara says.

We all jump out of the car and meet at the door. We're all giddy for the shopping trip ahead.

"I can't wait to see you in a dress!" Emma squeals.

"You've seen me in a dress before Emma..." I remind her.

Her face softens remembering the day. Not a good one, I was in a dress for my dad's funeral. I get a lump in my throat just thinking about him. I should visit again soon.

"Oh, yeah..."

"Not today you two, today we're doing normal teenage stuff." Kara states.

She links her arms into both mine and Emma's, her in the middle. She walks us in the front door and up to the front desk.

"Is Claire here today? I scheduled an appointment for today at 2."

"Oh, yes, you must be Kara? Claire will be waiting for you near the dressing rooms."

"Thanks!" Kara bellows.

Emma and I nod at the lady giving our thanks. We follow close behind Kara.

"Claire!" Kara squeals.

"Kara!"

They meet and give each other quick hugs before Claire looks back at us.

"Who are these lovely girls?"

"These are my friends Emma, and Livia." She points to us one by one. "We're here for dresses, like dance dresses. We need your help."

"My help is always available for you Kara. Now, I know what you like but how about you Emma?

"Well I like the color black, oh and something loose. I don't like a lot of sparkle."

Claire nods at her with a smile.

"I know exactly what you want."

She power walks away, shuffling through dresses on a rack nearby.

"How about this?"

She holds up a black dress with a high low skirt. It's collar decorated with silver gems, would wrap around Emma's neck with no sleeves. Emma's eyes glow.

"Can I try it on?"

Claire walks back over handing Emma the dress. Emma goes to the closest changing room and tries it on. She steps out and her face is glowing. I've never seen her so confident before. Yea the dress took away her body shape, but Emma didn't mind. The dress fit perfectly and really made her dark hair and eyes pop out. I can see her eyes and for a second I think I see some sadness. She catches my eye and lightens up a bit. I can't shake the feeling though, but I ignore it. If Emma had a problem she would tell me.

"So how do I look?"

"You look amazing." Kara stutters before I can.

She smiles at us.

"Well that was easy, I'll take it. Now it's time for you two." Emma points at us.

She sweeps back into her dressing room to change back into her clothes. Claire turns to Kara.

"So, what are you looking for today?"

"I wanna wear red, and show some cleavage." She adds.

"Kara!" I scold.

"Hey, that's me." She says with a smirk.

I roll my eyes at her, but I ignore it. Kara was Kara, there was no changing her.

"That's you Kara. I have some dresses in the back. Come with me to see. Livia why don't you start looking around?"

"Okay."

I watch them heads towards the back of the room while I'm stuck searching for a dress by myself. I feel a hand on my shoulder to see Emma has joined me.

"Hey, what you looking for?"

"I don't know. Whatever catches my eye." I say turning back to the rack ahead of me.

I see Emma move to the other side of the store, we're the only ones in here.

"Well then I'll look for something over here. I'll hold a dress up and you give me a smile or frown. Okay?"

"Okay."

"How about this?"

She holds up a pink dress with a big,fluffy skirt. I frown in response and she puts it away.

"Good, then you have sort of my style. This should be easier." Emma states.

We spend 2 minutes picking through dresses, with no luck. I hear Kara clear her throat and I turn around. She stands, with a red, tight dress. It exposes her chest at a dangerously deep cut. The straps lay loose on her shoulders, and when she turns around you can see most of her back. The dress is decorated just below her chest in a line that wraps around her body. The dress made her look a lot older than she was. Even though I would prefer something that covered up more, it was Kara. She liked it, you could tell. She holds her hands out at her side waiting for my reaction.

"So...?"

"It's you Kara." I say looking at her.

"Perfect, so sexy right?"

I just laugh in response.

"Lets just say Hunter won't be able to keep his hands off you." Emma points out.

I turn to her in shock. I start laughing very loudly. Emma was so innocent, I never expected that to come out of her mouth. She gives me her biggest smile before leafing through more dresses. I turn back to Kara and she gives me a wagging finger.

"Now, we need you to get a dress that's a little bit out of your comfort zone. No sweaters or yoga pants."

I look down at myself, shrug my shoulders and smile back up at her

"I'll take this dress Claire."

Claire gives her a nod, while Kara goes back to change. I let out a loud sigh, leafing through more and more dresses with no results. Kara comes up behind me.

"Now its your turn." She states. "Got anything for Livia Emma?" She shouts to Emma.

"How about this?" I hear Emma respond.

I look up and I'm amazed. Emma pulls out a royal blue floor length dress. It's top is a sweetheart neckline and it's a laced bodice. I gasp and give Emma a huge smile. It looks beautiful.

"You have to try it on." Kara says giving me a smile.

"Already planning on it." I retort.

I head over to Emma and take the dress from her. Everyone follows me to the door of the changing room and I step in. I take off all my layers and step into the beautiful gown. I pull it up and adjust it into place and look at myself in the mirror. I let a smile break across my face as I twirl watching my skirt flow around my body. I steady myself and walk out the changing room doors. I see everyone's eyes fall on me. I wait for their reactions.

"Wow... you're stunning." Kara says smiling.

"You're beautiful! I'm so excited! Us three!" Emma bellows.

She links our arms together and we're all standing together grinning.

"All three of you girls are beautiful." Claire beams at us.

"I'll take this dress Claire!"

"Yay!" Emma chants.

I turn away back into the changing room. I slip out of the dress and change back. I step out carrying the beautiful dress in my hands. We all walk to the register putting our dresses on the counter. I pull out my wallet ready to pay for my dress, Emma does the same. Kara gives us both a look stopping us. She places her hands on our wallets and pushes them down. Next thing I know, Kara's handing Claire a credit card, she was paying for all of our dresses.

"I can't let you do that Kara." I plead.

"No, I'm going to. It doesn't matter anyway, my mom's are rich. Your moms aren't." She says point blank.

"If you insist." Emma says.

We both put our wallets back and we grab our dresses heading back to the car. We all pile in and take a minute to gather our thoughts.

"What now?" I ask.

"We head back." Kara states.

"Yep." Emma adds.

So Kara puts the car into drive and we're heading back to the hospital. No more normal teenage stuff, back to our reality. Sick kid reality that is.

"Wish we could be normal." Kara mutters gripping the steering wheel tight.

"We can't be, no point in wishing." Emma replies.

I try to think of something else to talk about.

"What are you wearing with your dress Kara."

I see her mood lighten and she gives a shrug.

"Maybe we'll find something on another adventure."

"I have stuff I can use, I don't know about you guys." Emma says.

"I might need some help."

I see Emma and Kara both smile at me.

"We'll help." Emma states.

"Always." Kara says sincerely.

We spend the rest of the car ride trying to regain the feeling we had shopping. It never came back though, and we all knew it. There was no faking being normal anymore. We pull up into the parking lot and load out with our dresses. We walk into the hospital and part ways, all heading to our rooms. I make it to mine and the first thing I do is hang up my dress. I take a look at it once more wondering what everyone else will think. I get nervous, but I can't tell why.

"Livia?"

It's Nurse Jackson and she walks into my room.

"Yes?"

"Um, your grandma, she's looking to visit you."

"Of course, why wouldn't I want her to visit?"

Nurse Jackson takes a deep breath holding it for a second.

"She has news about your mom..."

My heart starts beating fast but I try to hide my nervousness.

"Oh..."

Nurse Jackson stares at me, waiting for anything.

"Send her in.." I say turning my back to her.

I hear her footsteps leave and a little while later I hear new ones enter. I hear my grandma take a deep breath and walk over to me, grabbing my shoulders to turn me into her. She embraces me and I let myself fold into her. We stand, breathing together.

"You're strong Livia."

I say nothing, whenever my grandma starts the conversation with a compliment it's bad.

"Your mom.. she sorta went off the deep end when you were admitted. Well she, she got herself into some trouble. She had this boyfriend, and you know how they are."

"What's the point grandma. I don't mean to be short, but your scaring me."

"She's pregnant, she's been pregnant for two months. She just told me, I thought I should tell you."

I jump away backing up from her shaking my head.

"No, she was drinking the other night. She can't be pregnant. She can't handle any of her other kids, why would she have another?"

"She checked herself into rehab, she wants to get better for the new baby."

I look up at her, the anger obviously showing in my eyes. My grandma realizes what she said was wrong to say to me.

"So she couldn't get better for me? She already loves this baby more than me?" I hiss.

"Livia, she wants to get better for you too. It's just harder for her to admit she wasn't a better mom towards you."

I lay down on my bed, staring at my ceiling. I try to calm down, and look at the positives. We sit in silence. I look over at my grandmother and motion for her to come closer. I get up and hold my arms out to her. I'm taller than her, and when I hold her I feel like I'm the grandma and she's the granddaughter. I can hear her sniffling and I realize she's been crying.

"I'm sorry you have to do this Livia."

"It's not your fault. You've been there for me, don't blame yourself."

I look over her head out my window. I see Jordi walking by and I see him stop. He looks at me, and I try not to meet his gaze. My grandma straightens up, pulling away from me. She wipes her eyes and gives me a smile.

"So am I gonna meet this friend?"

"What? How'd you know?"

"Honey, I know these things. Tell him to come in."

I look up to see Jordi looking at me, one eyebrow raised as if asking me permission to come in. I wave for him to enter and I see him stand up straight brushing himself off. I let out a small laugh as he walks through the door and my grandma turns to say hi.

"Hello young man. I hear you're friends with my Livia over here."

"Why yes I am. She's a very nice girl and I love spending my time here with her."

My grandma nods in response keeping a close eye on me. Jordi walks over and stands next to me. He looks hesitant to touch me in anyway. I take the chance to grab his hand in my own. He squeezes it back keeping his gaze on my grandma.

"Are you two... I don't know what you kids say these days, an item?"

"We are." I answer.

Her eyes light up and she gives me a warming smile.

"That's great, it's really good for you Livia. I never got your name young man, what is it?"

"Jordi, Jordi Palacios. What may I call you mam?"

"Very poliet, you can call me Mrs. Carnell."

"Nice to meet you Mrs. Carnell."

"You too Mr. Palacios."

She looks between us two and smiles. Jordi clears his throat and lets go of my hand.

"Well, I have to go now. It was nice seeing you, I've heard a lot about you."

"Is that so.." She whispers to me.

"Grandma..." I whisper back.

"I hope I get to see you again soon Mr. Palacios."

Jordi gives her a nod of his head before leaving my room. I watch him go not realizing I'm smiling. Then I remember what I was just told and my happiness fades. I'm back to square one.

"You got yourself in trouble Livia."

"What?"

"Nothing, you'll see."

I look around my room, trying to look at anything but my grandma. I see a picture of me and my mom when I was very young. I was maybe a little older than one and we were smiling in the sun, in my grandparents back yard, that is now my own, or was. I walk over and grab it, looking it over. Was she really happy? Was I never good enough for her? My grandma walks behind me, resting her head on my shoulder.

"She's trying Livia."

"I don't think it's going to change anything."

"Maybe, maybe not. The hard part is waiting to see what happens."

She pats me on the shoulder before getting ready to leave.

"We're all gonna try to come see you sometime soon."

"Okay grandma."

"I love you Livia, always."

"I love you too grandma."

She gives me a hug before leaving and I'm left, still looking at the picture. I put it face down so I can't look at it anymore.

"That's not the point of a picture Liv."

I turn to see Dash folding his arms in my doorway. I give him a weak smile trying to rub it off.

"Come on, I want to show you something, take things off your mind."

"I don't know, I'm sorta tired."

"Liv, it's 6, come on."

"Fine, but then we do what I want."

"Alright Liv, cool with me."

So Dash leaves my room and I run to catch up to him. We walk side by side up the stairs to my favorite place, the roof. We get up there and he leads me to the edge of the roof, we both stand there looking around. That's when something catches my eye. A moral is painted on a wall across from us. The artist is amazing and I can see Dash smirking with a sense of pride.

"Dash, did you do that?"

"Yep, I wanted to show you, sorta like a gift to the Red Banders, but don't tell anyone."

"I won't, but thank you Dash."

I give him a hug and I pull away to look at the beautiful artwork again. I think about everything and I turn to Dash.

"Ever want to be normal."

"Nah, it's boring." Dash says immediately.

I never thought of it that way, but that's not the answer I was hoping for. I wanted someone that could relate with me. Someone who didn't quite know.

"Dash, your a cool guy. Thanks for being here for all of us."

He just looks at me and smiles, we both turn back to the skyline of L.A. Deep down though, some part of me still wanted to be normal. I couldn't shake it away, so I ignored it, as much as anyone could.

"Dance is after tomorrow, who are you bringing?"

"I don't know, some chick I use to know or just met. Dash don't do dating."

"Oh, okay then."

"So you and Jordi a thing now. Official?"

"Yep, as of this morning."

"Good, you two are chill with each other."

I nod still looking up at the stars.

"Sometimes I wish I was up in the stars." Dash says.

"Yep me too Dash." I murmur, "me too..."


	17. Before

_**Author's Note: Hey guys! Here's another chapter! I just wanted to tell all you guys how amazing you all are and to have a good day. Same deal guys!**_

"I'm gonna go Liv."

"Alright, see you tomorrow Dash."

Dash turns over to me before giving me a wave goodbye. I run over to him and give him a quick hug. I murmur a thank you before returning to my spot.I stand still looking at the stars. I think about my mom and the baby. What if she does get better? What happens to us then? Am I being immature? Should I forgive her? Should I trust her? My head is spinning with too many questions.

"Thought I'd find you up here."

I turn around to see Jordi standing behind me.

"That's what everyone says."

I hear him laugh before he comes up behind me pulling me closer to him.

"This is where you come to think."

I look at him and then at the sky again.

"Look at it out here. How could anyone resist this view?"

"You're right. So what's on your mind?"

"Nothing."

He watches for me a minute, he knows something is up with me. Am I really that easy to read?

"Come on, I know you Livia. You're lying."

I roll my eyes at him but finally decide to give in.

"Fine, I was thinking about before."

He nods at me waiting for me to continue. I let out a loud sigh before starting up again.

"My mom, she's pregnant. All I can think about is my childhood, growing up without her. How she let me go through life without her. How can she feel no guilt? It was like I was never enough for her. She checked herself into rehab, and that's really good for the baby, but what about me? Is it really bad that I'm jealous of my mom getting better for this kid when it's the right thing to do?"

"No, it's not bad. You were left alone and you're upset that your mom decided to change now. You wanted her to a long time ago."

"It's not fair to the baby though. There's always going to be a piece of me that's jealous. That's not fair to do to anybody or me."

"You're right. It's not fair, but you have to understand that life's not fair and it's up to you to decide how you look at the world."

I look up in silence. How did I want to see the world? Did I want to be forgiving? I feel Jordi's eyes on me, and I can't help but shiver, even in the warmth of L.A. He moves his arms around my stomach, standing behind me. He sways bringing me with him. All I can think about our his movements, and how he makes me feel.

"I don't understand something."

"What's that." He asks burying his head in my shoulder.

"How did you turn out so amazing after everything you've been through."

"I wasn't always."

That surprised me. How could Jordi not be himself? This was human nature to him.

"What made you change?"

"I wanted to be someone better, for the people I loved."

I let out a sigh. He was literally perfect, and he had it worse than me. How come I do this to myself? I'm so tired all I can think about is sleep.

"You look tired Livia."

"I want to go to bed Jordi."

"Alright come on."

He grabs my hand and we leave back to my room. We get there and I shut the door behind us, closing the blinds in the process. I walk over to my dresser and grab some shorts and a t-shirt. I go and change in the bathroom, getting ready for bed too. I come out to see Jordi looking in my mirror. He waves me over and puts me in front of him.

"What do you see?"

The question catches me off guard. I see Jordi how I think of him. Amazing. The girl on the other hand, is different. She's very confused and wants to get through her before. She has changed though. Her eyes no longer hold sadness, but understanding. She's stronger than she was before.

"I see you, for everything you are." I say looking at his reflection.

"No, how do you see that girl?"

"She's different."

"How?"

I turn and meet his gaze.

"The people here make me want to change Jordi. I want to be different than before. I want to be strong, and fearless, and passionate."

He pulls me in closer to him and leans into me. I close my eyes and smile, waiting for him. Right before our lips meet there's a knock on the door.

"Perfect timing." I joke still close to him.

I back away from him and turn towards my door. I open it up to see Emma standing there. Her eyes are welling with tears and she's shaking. I bring her into me, enveloping her. I pull her in my room and give Jordi a look as she cries into my shoulder.

"Go get Leo." I mouth to him.

He moves quickly past us going to find Leo. I pull away from Emma trying to get her to look at me.

"Tell me Emma. What happened?" I say calmly.

She breaths in and out a couple times before meeting my gaze.

"I just lost it. Everyone keeps giving me more and more food like I'm better. I'm not!"

"I know you're not."

She falls back in to me and I try to soothe her. I know it's hard for her.

"I know Emma, I know."

Leo and Jordi walk in and see us holding each other. I see Leo walking over and I back away. He takes Emma in his arms and holds her. She's not crying anymore and she rests her head on his shoulder. She stares off into space and I see the same look in her eyes I did when we were dress shopping. Something is wrong with Emma, and I'm the only one who can see it. She looks at me and pulls away from Leo. She looks at all of us, staring at her.

"Thanks guys." She croaks.

"Don't thank us, we're here for you, that's what friends do." I tell her.

Leo walks over to her and gives her hand a squeeze. She holds onto his hand with a death grip.

"I think we should go for the night." Leo says looking between me and Jordi.

"That's fine. I'll see you guys tomorrow." I say to him and Emma.

They walk out hand in hand, looking upset. Leo wants to protect Emma and save her from everything. Emma doesn't want him to though, she wants to get better for him by herself. She doesn't need a superman, she's strong enough on her own. Jordi looks over at me with a sadness in his eyes. I just look down at the ground and shake my head.

"Is that how other people see us Jordi?"

"Yep, not before, but now."

I climb into bed and roll on my side, my back to Jordi. I pull the covers up over my shoulders and focus on the window leading to the outside world. We were seen as sick kids, nothing more, or less. I feel Jordi climb in after me and I turn into him.

"Am I still required to stay with you during the nights?" He asks jokingly.

"Yes, until I say no you are to report here each and every night."

We lay in silence, me with my eyes closed, and Jordi playing with my hair. There's a question I've been dying to ask him.

"Jordi, when you leave, are you going back to Mexico?"

"I don't know."

"You have to know."

"I mean, I need treatment down here, so maybe I'll stay a little while."

It's not what I wanted to hear. What happens when he's in Mexico and I'm down here? What do I do then? How do I sleep at night?

"Don't worry about it right now Livia, we have time."

"No, not in a hospital." I whisper.

We stay silent and I can feel darkness pulling me under for the night. I move closer to Jordi, waiting for another world of dreams to start.

**_"My Livia." _**

**_My mother walks over to me arms spread out to hug me. I look around and I'm at home with everyone else. The thing is everyone ignores me, except for my mom. Her baby bump is visible now and I think about when the baby is due._**

**_"Mom, what are you doing here? Where am I?" _**

**_She looks upset for a minute not getting the response she wanted and moves her arms down. _**

**_"Protect her." _**

**_"What?"_**

**_"Protect her." _**

**_She puts her hand on her stomach rubbing it gently._**

**_"She has you."_**

**_She just shakes her head._**

**_"No, I'm no different than before. She has you."_**

**_"No, I'm not good enough."_**

**_"You are good enough. Everyone can see it. She has you, I know it."_**

**_The room spins around in a circle everyone fading with it. It's pitch black, but I can see a light a little farther away. I run over to it and see a carriage. There's a baby crying and it looks cold and alone. It's wrapped in a soft pink blanket and I can see it's eyes squeezed tight in anger. There's a feeling inside me saying it's a girl. I pick her up cradling her against me. Her crying stops and I see her dark brown eyes looking up at me. _**

**_"Shhhh baby girl. I gotta ya, I gotta ya. I'm here for you."_**

**_She holds out her little hand and I let her grab onto my pinkie. She closes her eyes, nuzzling into me. _**

_**"I promise baby girl."**_

(Time Skip)

I wake up thinking about my dream. Holding the baby gave me a whole new feeling, like I could fly, like I meant something. I keep my eyes closed trying to relive every detail.

"Come on Livia, wake up."

I feel a hand rubbing my cheek and I turn away from it.

"What do you want?" I say to the voice.

"I want you up."

I recognize Jordi's voice and I turn back towards him, eyes still closed.

"Come on Livia."

"Ugh.."

"I'll make you get up."

"I'd like to see you try."

I lay on my back, eyes closed, trying to ignore Jordi.

"I'll get Nurse Jackson and the water bucket."

I jolt straight up, eyes wide open looking at Jordi.

"Okay, you win!"

I watch his chocolate brown eyes crinkle at the corners after laughing. Details only I would notice about him.

"So what did you want?"

"Oh yea. Nurse Jackson woke me up. She said Mrs. Harris wants to see you. I was suppose to get you up, I thought you'd rather have me wake you up than Nurse Jackson."

"Thanks Jordi."

I roll out of bed and turn towards my dresser. I grab the first thing I see shooing Jordi's eyes away from me. I go to the bathroom to change and get ready for the day. I come back out to find Jordi making the bed. I walk over behind him and lean my head on his shoulder. I turn my head and give him a kiss on the cheek before walking towards my mirror. I throw my hair into a french braid down my back and take a look at the girl. She's pretty today, maybe today would be a good day. I see Jordi looking at me through the mirror. I smile at him, it's something I can't help doing around him.

"Are you okay, I mean going to Mrs. Harris and everything?"

"Yea I'm fine. I actually like her now. I was just being rude before. I'll make my way over there. You can go if you need to."

He walks over giving me a quick peck on the lips.

"I'll walk you down there. I don't have anywhere specific to be."

"Jordi, look at yourself."

He looks down at himself giving me a grin.

"What, I don't look good in the morning?"

I roll my eyes at him. He looks gorgeous. His messy hair brings out his eyes and his lips. His shirt lets some of his muscles show, and his sweat pants make him look laid back.

"You do... I mean... um... Just come with me."

I tug him after me and he catches up to me. We walk hand in hand down to my therapist. I was actually looking forward to this visit. I had good things to talk about. We make it to the door and Jordi lets go of my hand to knock. Then he quickly turns around and gives me a kiss. Just as the door is about to open he pulls away and looks down at me.

"Teasing you."

He walks away leaving me to fend for myself. I let out a sigh before turning back to Mrs. Harris's wide open door. She's smiling down at me and I return the favor.

"Come on in."

She steps to the side and I walk by, going to my usual spot.

"I have some news for you Livia. Good news."

"Let me hear it."

"Well, in order for me to give the go ahead to Dr. McAndrew I have to see how you react now to problems. What I'm saying is I want to see how you feel going home for a little bit."

"What...?"

"I want you to make a visit home, for a week or so. Then every Sunday after that you'll visit them. It'll allow me to understand your anxiety and it's roots."

"Oh..." she looks at me concerned for a minute, "when do I start?"

She smiles at me, I obviously gave the correct answer.

"I wanted you to start tomorrow but..."

"The dance!" I interrupt.

"I know, so I decided to let you start this Sunday, a day after the dance."

I jump up and run over to her giving her a hug.

"Thank you Mrs. Harris!"

She pats my back and I pull away to look at her.

"No problem, but we do have more serious issues to talk about."

I know the topic right away just by looking at her.

"Luke..." I whisper.

She looks at me and nods. I stay silent for awhile not knowing what to say. How can I explain this? How can I tell her?

"Whatever comes to mind Livia."

I let out a sigh and look her dead in the eye.

"A wake up call. That's what it was."

(Time Skip)

"Emma..."

A full plate of breakfast sits at the foot of her bed. She hasn't eaten it and lunch is just around the corner. Literally, a nurse is bringing her lunch just around the corner.

"I can't Livia." She squeaks.

"Well, if you can't then I should go. I mean, being anorexic is a full time thing. No room for friends." I exaggerate.

"Wait! Fine I'll eat the cereal."

She picks up the dry cereal and adds the milk. I watch her pick up the spoon and begin eating little portions. I want to scream out a congratulations to her, but I know I can't. She continues, working fast. Soon her whole bowl is gone and she puts it down and looks at me. I walk over to her silent and give her my biggest hug. A nurse walks replacing her breakfast tray with a lunch one. I give her a look saying it's okay. She just ate, I don't want to force her to eat again.

"Emma, I'm proud of you. You're amazing inside and out."

She looks at me surprised.

"But I'm anorexic, I can't be amazing."

"You can move past the things you want to be greater than. That's what you're doing. I want to be more like you."

This time it's her time to come over to me and give her my biggest hug. I embrace her wishing I could of had her in my life earlier. Every girl deserves a best friend, and Emma was mine. I hoped I was the same to her.

"Love fest."

We break apart and turn to see Dash standing in the doorway.

"Come on, all Red Banders are required to meet on the roof to decorate for tomorrow."

"Alright," I say turning to Emma, "Let's go help these boys. They need a ladies touch." I joke.

We head up to the roof all three of us. When we get up there I see Hunter, Kara, Leo, and Jordi all up there. They've started decorating already and I can feel the butterflies in my stomach. This was actually happening, we were having a dance.

"Emma, Livia!"

Kara stands next to Hunter waving us down and we go to her.

"What color? Red or Pink?"

She holds up deflated balloons.

"Red, for the Red Band Society." Emma and I say at the same time.

"Really? I wanted pink."

"Do both ladies. Compromise." I hear Leo shout from the other side of the roof where he's working on setting up a snack table.

The rest of the day is spent laughing and working. When the sun is setting we all take a step back to see our work. We did an amazing job. Balloons flood the roof with party streamers. There's little decorations on the snack tables. It looks just like a gym would for a high school dance. Although I've never been to one, I've seen them on t.v. so I just assumed.

"Alright everybody, let's all get some rest for tomorrow. Everyone should meet here at 6 for dinner and then the dance will start afterwards." Leo shouts over us.

Everyone separates into different directions. Dash says something about going down to sweet talk some ladies into going with him tomorrow. Leo and Emma pair off, and Hunter and Kara stay glued to each other just like they did all night. Jordi and I head back down to my room agreeing on a movie to end the night. We get there and settle down into bed in some comfy pajamas. I click on the t.v. and look for a movie. We agree on _Forrest Gump_, my all time favorite movie. I try so hard to see the end of it, but sleep is calling my name. I doze off in Jordi's arms thinking about the dance. Yet the last thing I think about is the baby girl in my dream. I was wondering if she was real, and if that feeling was real too. The feeling I had before, was the feeling I was trying to find for someone I've never even met before.


	18. Dance

_**Authors Note: Hey guys! I love all of you who continue to keep reading this story. I hope you will continue to do it. On another note, would you like a sneak peak at the sequel? Tell me if you do. :)**_

_"Livia!" _

_I turn around to see a little girl running towards me with her arms spread out wide. My heart beat skips and a smile spreads across my face. Seeing her soft, thick, straight brown hair flying behind her made my heart skip a beat. Her deep brown eyes stare back at me glistening. Her soft, pink lips still calling for me._

_"Livia! You're here!"_

_I kneel down onto the ground and spread my arms out welcoming the little girl. She runs to me collapsing into me. I hold on tight to her lifting her up with me. Her legs wrap around me and her arms go around my neck with a death grip. Tears well up in my eyes. I can feel the girls tears hitting the shoulder of my shirt and I let out a small laugh. She pulls back and smiles at me, looking into my eyes. She pulls something out of her pocket placing it into my hand. I take it and go back to hugging her._

_"I missed you." _

_"I missed you too baby girl. I missed you too." _

_She holds on tight to me and I hold her back. My heart swells and the feeling comes back. I try to hold onto her, but she becomes lighter and lighter. I open my eyes to see her fading away right out of my arms. I try desperately to hold onto her, but she won't stay. I panic grabbing at thin air, looking for her. My world spins and I'm left standing in an open field. Rain pours down hard on me and I'm soaked to the bone. I shiver trying to hold onto any warmth. I grip whatever is in my hand tight._

_"Baby girl! Where are you!" I scream into the wind._

_"She was never yours to keep Livia." _

_I turn towards the voice and I'm greeted by a woman in all white stands in the middle of a storm. I shake my head at her. _

_"No Livia, she was never yours to keep."_

_"Please, don't take her away!" I plead, falling to my knees. My grasp on the item tightens. _

_The woman laughs at me and turns away and I'm left in the rain. I open my palm to see a necklace sitting there. When I try to look closer, my world goes blank. I watch myself disappear, hoping to see the little girl again._

(Time Skip)

I jolt up in bed, looking around for something I've lost. It takes me a minute to realize it's just a dream.

"It's just a dream Livia. Just a dream." I whisper, trying to convince myself.

Still the feeling remains, slowly subsiding. I grab at my neck, expecting a necklace to be there. Nothing is though, just my bare neck. I feel Jordi move in the bed and I decide to lay down for a little bit. I pull the covers back up and lay down close to him. He was asleep and I focused all my energy on him. I watch his chest move up and down taking in a peace with it. Knowing he's breathing, he's alive, next to me warms my heart. I place my hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat, and his chest rise and fall with each breath.

"Dance day..." I hear Jordi murmur.

He turns over to me opening his eyes watching me. I give him a smile and lean in closer to him.

"Yep, today's dance day."

Jordi moves a piece of hair out of my face before giving me a smile. He reaches his hand behind my neck and moves his lips onto mine. He pulls me in closer to him and my heart beats like crazy. His kiss becomes more passionate and I move my hands to his hair pulling him into me trying to deepen the kiss. He pulls away sooner than I would have like and looks at me. I let out an irritated sigh.

"Why'd you do that?" I whine.

He just laughs at me and wraps his arms around me.

"What I have to kiss you when you say so?"

"No, just don't leave me hanging."

"Fine."

He grabs my face with both of his hands and crashes his lips down onto mine. His hands move down to my hips and my heart skips a beat. He pulls me even closer to him. I'm running out of breath when he pulls away. I sit trying to catch my breath.

"You left me breathless." I add in.

He just smiles at me and rolls out of bed. He walks over to my window leading to the outside world. He pulls them back and a ray of sun comes into my room. It was a beautiful start to the day. I hoped it would be a perfect day for the dance.

"Gotta get ready for today Livia."

"I know, I know. Just five more minutes."

"No Livia."

He comes over and turns me to look at him. I can't help but laugh under his stare. I rise, and rest on my knees on the bed. I grab his face and pull him into me. I don't stop the kiss until I run out of breath. I pull away and this time it's his turn to be breathless.

"Alright, now I'll get ready."

I jump out of bed and head towards my bathroom. I shoo Jordi away out of my room with a promise to see him tonight. I finish brushing my teeth and change into a pair of bootcut jeans and a t-shirt and start heading to Kara's room. Emma, Kara, and I were all suppose to meet there at 10 so we could go get our hair done. I'm greeted by both Emma and Kara at the door.

"Dance day! We gotta go!" Emma squeals pulling me behind her.

I hear Kara laugh and grab her keys following us.

"Just try not to get too excited. Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself." Kara jokes.

"Off to get our hair done." I sing.

Soon Kara and Emma join me and we're all hollering in the halls of the hospital.

(Time Skip)

"Livia, stop moving your eye!" Kara yells.

"I can't help it, you keep stabbing my eye with that eyeliner pencil!"

"I am not!" I hear Kara laugh.

"Guys, what color should my nails be? I was thinking something bright?" Emma asks.

"Make it match your shoes, red right?" Kara responds.

"Good idea, thanks!"

Emma goes to work on her nails. Her hair was in deep brown curls that ran down her back. Her makeup was already done, going with a natural look. She looked beautiful, same with Kara. Kara has her hair in an updo style with her bangs braided back. She had a more daring makeup look. With red lips and nude colored eye shadow her eyes popped, with the help of mascara and eyeliner. I look down at my hand trying to be a good client for Kara. I have royal blue nails to match my dress.

"There, done. Take a look."

I walk over to Kara's mirror and stare back at the girl I see. All of us our beautiful. My hair was half up and down, my bangs being waterfall braided back. I have soft pink lips with a shimmering beige brown eye shadow. I had mascara on that curled my lashes and some eyeliner that was hard to get on. I run over to Kara and give her a hug and a thank you.

"What time is it?" Emma asks blowing on her nails.

"It's 5:30." Kara states.

"Dress time!"

I grab my dress that I brought into the room and go in change in Kara's bathroom. I slip on the dress and walk out. Emma helps me zip up the back and I twirl around in the dress when she's done. I love the dress so much. Emma changes and then Kara does. We all help each other put on the finishing touches. I put on my black high heels and take a final look. I smile not believing the girl is me.

"We have to take pictures." Kara begs.

"Wait I have a good camera, let me go get it."

Emma hurries out of the room and arrives back a couple minutes later with a real camera. Leo, Dash, and Jordi have all joined us. They all wear black suits but with different colored ties to match their dates. Leo has black, Hunter red, Dash yellow, and Jordi has navy blue. I stare at Jordi as he comes closer to me. He looks gorgeous and I can't take my eyes off him. He scans my body up and down staring into my eyes. Nurse Jackson breaks up our staring fest.

"I came to help with pictures." She bellows, with a huge smile.

Emma gives Nurse Jackson a quick lesson and soon she's working the camera. First we do an all group photo, then just boys, then just girls. We pair up with our dates and take pictures together. Leo and Emma go first, Kara and Hunter follow, then Dash and a girl named Lily. Jordi and I are the last ones and I take my place next to him. I feel his arm snake around my waist and I let out a huge smile. This was actually happening.

"It's 6 everyone! Let's head to the roof!" Leo shouts.

We all head up to the roof. I hold on tight to Jordi's arm nervous. My first dance was in a hospital, how weird was that? We step through the doorway to the roof and I gasp. The boys made us a dinner, with candles and everything. We had assigned seating and I was of course next to Jordi, but I was also next to Emma. Dash was at one end of the table, and Hunter at the other. There was caesar salad and a plate of grilled chicken next to it. There was a pitcher of fresh lemonade and a plate full of cupcakes. There was a cake sitting next to it with the words _Red Band Society Dance! _written in icing. It all looked delicious and I leaned in to Jordi.

"Did you guys make all this by yourselves?"

"Yep. Years of cooking with my abuela helped."

I give him a quick kiss on his cheek and turn towards the table. Everyone starts serving themselves and we're all passing food around. I take a glance at Emma, who's obviously nervous. She hesitates for a minute before taking the food and giving herself normal proportions. I want to congratulate her and jump up and down but I can't. I just give her a small smile and return to my plate. I can't make a big deal about it. I watch everyone else eat and look down at my own plate full of food. I grab my fork taking a side way glance at Emma. She takes small bites, but she's eating none the less. I take a bite of my own food and it's delicious. I give Jordi a smile.

"This is really good!"

"Thanks Livia. I'll have to cook for you sometime."

We all continue to eat laughing and talking with each other. I really got to know Hunter better, it's nice knowing Kara has him. Dash spends the whole dinner drooling over his date. Lily was a girl he use to go to school with, they had a thing and I guess she decided to come today. She's wearing a lot of makeup and a bright yellow short dress. She looks like a L.A. girl. Soon everyone is done eating and it's time to start the dance. We all head out to the middle of the dance floor pairing off. Jordi takes my hand to help me stand. We walk out to the dance floor and he grabs my hips with his hands pulling me closer to him and slowly sways with me. I move my hands behind his neck and keep his gaze. I think about him and me and all the people I've loved. It hits me then I have to go home tomorrow and I hold on to Jordi tighter. He notices and gives me an uneasy gaze. He leans down into me and his lips are right next to my ear.

"You look beautiful tonight. Hard to keep my eyes off you."

I blush under his eyes. I just move closer to him filling up the space between us.

"Thank you Jordi. You look as handsome as always."

I move my lips onto his and give him a soft kiss. His hands tighten on my hips and my heart beat starts to soar. Everyone spends the rest of the night dancing and singing and holding on tight to each other. By the end of the night Kara and Hunter are no where to be found, same goes for Dash and Lily. Emma and Leo are in the corner talking and Jordi and I are still dancing.

"I have something to tell you." I whisper by his ear.

He looks down at me waiting.

"I'm leaving tomorrow for a week. I have to go home and face my family in order to have the surgery. I'm being evaluated and I have to go one week the first time and then visit every Sunday. I thought I should tell you."

I look down at my feet waiting for Jordi's response. He doesn't say anything and after awhile I look up at him. He's staring at me and I shift under his gaze. I turn away to look back at our dance. There's no one here, everyone left. I look up at Jordi and give a smile, he doesn't return it. He takes my hand and leads me down to my room. We get there and he slowly closes the door and the blinds before looking at me. I stand there awkwardly by my bed looking at my hands. I can feel his eyes on me, this wasn't what I expected. I can feel my heart beat start to race. I take off my heels and place them down on the floor. I just look at him before turning towards my dresser. I step out of my dress not even caring Jordi's right there. I slip on a v-neck black shirt with a pair of short athletic shorts. I turn back to Jordi waiting for something, anything.

"Promise me something Livia."

I look up at him waiting. He lets out a loud sigh before coming closer to me.

"Promise you're gonna try to fix things with your family. Promise me you're going to get better. Promise."

If I get better I won't see Jordi anymore. I feel a lump in my throat grow and I bite my lip. I keep my eyes down on the ground afraid of losing Jordi.

"If I get better than I have to leave here. Without you." I squeak.

"If that's what it takes then you have to."

I shake my head and tears escape. They slide down my face and Jordi sees. He forces me to look up at him and wipes away my tears with his thumb. I look up at his eyes trying not to cry.

"You have to get better Livia."

I can feel the anger building up in me. I know I shouldn't but I snap.

"I don't want to Jordi! What do you not want me here?!"

"Of course I do!"

Why would he want me gone then? He doesn't want me here. He doesn't care. I get butterflies in my stomach thinking about how I've been played by him.

"I really don't think you do."

I try to turn away from him but I feel Jordi's hands on my arms forcing me to turn back towards him. He looks down at me and I look up at him. I try to shake him off me but it's pointless. He pulls me into him fast and soon the space between us is gone. His lips are on mine and at first I try to push him away but I stop. I move my hands to his hair and he moves his hands to my hips. He pulls away and looks at me.

"Does that show you?"

I pull his head down forcing my lips on him. All I can think about is him. I move my hands to his chest helping him out of his jacket. My lips stay on his and I forget everything. I move my hands down and start unbuttoning his shirt never knowing my hands could move so fast. Jordi's hands move to the bottom of my back as he starts to move us towards the bed. My heart beat goes faster and we fall onto the bed. My backs on the bed as Jordi is over me. I let my hands move up his back and I feel his hands touching the skin right above my hip. His lips move to my neck and I grip his back tighter. I feel Jordi move his hands to the hem of my shirt waiting. He's thinking about Luke, I know it. I grab his hand and help him slip my shirt off over my head. His lips move back to mine and his hands move to my ribs. All my intentions go away and all I can think about is me and him. I let my emotions take over and soon I'm having a hard time controlling myself. I move my hands to Jordi's pants and unbuckle them. Jordi laughs and pulls away from me. I frown up at him embarrassed at being denied.

"We can't Livia." He whispers kissing my neck.

"Why not?" I huff.

"Because...it's not that I don't want to, I mean look at you. Just not now."

I let out a loud sigh before pushing Jordi off me so I can sit up. Jordi sits next to me staring at me waiting for me to say something. I just look at him before leaning over and giving him a kiss on the cheek. I get up and grab my shirt that was thrown to the floor. I look at myself in the mirror throwing my hair into a ponytail and wiping away the makeup. I walk back over to my bed and lay down. Jordi's looking around for his clothes and I break his thoughts.

"Worry about it tomorrow. Just lay down next to me."

"But..." He looks down at his attire, not suit for bed.

"Take off your pants and come lay down with me. I'll close my eyes." I state.

I move my hands over my eyes and don't look up again until I see Jordi laying next to me. I move my way closer to him laying my hands on his chest. I look up at his eyes and the tears start to well up. I pull myself into him and hold on tight. He rubs my back trying to soothe me.

"What's wrong?" He asks me.

I let out a shaky breath trying to explain it to him.

"I'm scared."


	19. Home

_**Authors Note: Hey guys! New chapter! I want to send out a huge thank you to **_dabombbritt _**otherwise known as Britt. Thank you Britt for the wonderful review. I love your story and i'm so flattered you asked others to read my story. THANK YOU! Thank you all for the support. There's still much of Livia's story needed to be told.**_

I wake up in the morning with tears streaming down my face. I had been crying in my sleep. I look around to find myself alone, I scramble looking for Jordi. All his things are gone from last night. He left me here, to face my morning alone. I focus on my breathing trying to calm myself down. It doesn't work, all I can think about is home. Would it still be a home to me? Could I face everyone? Have I changed? Am I good enough for my mom now? I wipe away the tears with the back of my hand and get up out of bed. Almost in auto-pilot I get up and grab my overnight bag. I start packing enough stuff for a week for my visit home. Once my bag is packed I throw it over on my bed in anger. I get ready for the day and soon I'm out the door. I'm heading over to Mrs. Harris to talk to her really quick. I get down there and open up the door. She looks startled, but once she realizes what day it is her expression softens. I take a deep breath before giving her a weak smile and sitting down in my usual spot. She looks back at me before speaking.

"You're going to be okay Livia. You're a strong girl. I know you're nervous, but it's just a visit home."

"I know, but I'm still nervous."

She stands up and walks her way over to me. She motions for me to get up and soon she's pulling me into her arms. I'm taken back by Mrs. Harris's sign of affection. I stand there awkwardly for a minute before hugging her back. She puts me at arm lengths away and looks at me.

"Be good Livia."

I let out a laugh and shake her arms off of me.

"I will Mrs. Harris. I'll see you next Monday."

"Yes you will, I promise."

I give her a smile before leaving again and heading back to my room. Her talk made me feel a little better. I still don't want to go, but I know I have to. I go back to my bag checking and checking again to see if I need anything else. It hits me then that I haven't told anyone I'm leaving except for Jordi. I sprint out of my room and run as fast as I can to Emma's room. My bare feet hit the floor and I give myself a little smile. Here I was running again. I make it to her room and I run through her door and see her. I stop and look at her.

"I'm leaving for a week in a little bit, I have to go tell everyone else. I'm sorry, bye Emma." I blurt.

"What? Livia wait!"

It's too late thought, I've already started sprinting my way to Kara's room. I run in through Kara's open door to find her and Hunter making out. I roll my eyes and clear my throat getting her attention.

"I have to leave for a week in a little bit, I have to go tell everyone else. I'm sorry, bye Kara." I repeat.

She gets up to confront me with her face contorted. Hunter get's up behind her giving me a slight wave in response.

"Livia, what the hell! Wait!"

I'm too fast for her to get to me. I'm already on my way to Dash's room, hoping he's there. I am greeted by an empty room and I already know where he is. The Swamp is my next stop. I start sprinting faster listening to my feet hit the hospital floor. I make it to the doorway and hold onto it, trying to catch my breath. I see Dash, Leo, and Jordi looking up at me. I look over at Jordi and I realize I'm angry at him. He left me alone. I break his gaze and look over at Leo and Dash.

"I'm leaving today for a week. Sorry I didn't tell you guys before, I thought I would do it now."

I watch their eyes stare at me and then go behind me. Emma and Kara are standing behind me. I walk through into Leo and Jordi's room and they both follow.

"What do you mean you're leaving for a week Livia?" Emma asks.

"No time to explain. For my anxiety, I have to go for a week." I answer.

Everyone gives me a questioning stare.

"You never told us you had an anxiety problem Livia." Leo states.

I can feel the heat rising to my cheeks. I wasn't thinking, I could of made up some excuse.

"Like I said no time to explain."

I turn to leave but feel a hand grab my arm. I swing around to find it belongs to Jordi. I look down at his hand and then his eyes. Still annoyed at him, or maybe just the situation I shake his hand off me and start running back to my room. I can feel everyone's eyes on me, but it only makes me move faster. I make it back to find my grandparents standing in the middle of my room looking around.

"There's my little girl." My grandma squeals.

My grandma comes over and places a kiss on my forehead. My grandpa follows behind her giving me a hug.

"We're glad you're visiting home. We missed you." My grandpa says.

I just give him a little smile and bite my lip. Could they not see I was nervous?

"Well, I'll put your bag in the car. Why don't you look around to see if you need anything else. We'll be in the car waiting." My grandpa grabs my bag and heads out with my grandma following close behind.

"Okay, you can do this Livia..." I whisper to myself.

I start walking out of my door and I past by the nurses station.

"Hey good luck Livia!" Nurse Brittany gives me a thumbs up.

"You'll be fine doll." Kenji waves at me.

"I'll see you soon sweet pea." Nurse Jackson says to me.

I give them all a smile and a wave before making my way to the elevator. I push the button to head out of this hospital. Right when the doors are about to close a hand stops them and Jordi slips through the door. I'm happy to see him and I actually have to hide my excitement. I don't want him thinking I'm not annoyed with him. The elevator doors close and neither of us move to push the button. We stand in a non-moving elevator.

"Livia, I'm sorry, I wanted to stay this morning, but I had to get something."

"Okay Jordi, just forget about it." I say faking to be irritated.

"Livia look at me."

He pulls me in closer to him and I look up at him. He pulls something out of his pocket and I realize it's a necklace. I watch him hold it up for me to see.

"It has everything I think you are. You are passionate,fearless, and strong. You just can't see it yet."

I take a look at the necklace. It's a circle that you can see through that has the words _be passionate, be fearless, be strong. _There are two charms next to it. A silver tree and a nude colored rose. Jordi holds it out to me and I grab my hair and turn my back to him. He puts it on me and I grab the necklaces charms with my free hand. I rub my thumb over the tree. My heart beat goes faster, why would he give me such a nice gift? I don't deserve Jordi, I know it. I grip the charms tighter, trying to hold onto to it as long as I can. In a way I have Jordi with me.

"Jordi..."

"Yes?"

I turn back around and face him I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face into his chest. He places his arms by the small of my back pulling me closer to him.

"I'm sorry Jordi. I'm sorry I've been so angry and mean and not fair to you. I'm sorry." I muffle into his chest.

"Livia, you don't have to be sorry for anything. I know it's hard, and I'll still be here when you come back. I won't just leave you."

"Everyone leaves me." I whisper so quiet only I can hear.

Jordi steps away from me and presses the main floor button. The elevator starts heading down. I can feel my eyes welling up. Why can't I be happy to go home? I don't want to go. Jordi sees me and he pulls me into him. He stares down at me before moving closer to me. I rest my heads on his chest with his hands on my hips. He meets my lips slowly and tries to make the kiss last as long as possible. The elevators doors start to open and Jordi and I separate. My hands move up to my neck looking for the charms to hold. I hold onto them and let out a shaky sigh.

"I'll see you soon Jordi."

"I'll be here."

I start to step out of the elevator. I walk a couple of steps before turning back to look at Jordi. He's standing in the elevator and we make eye contact. The doors start to hold but we hold eye contact anyways. The doors are almost about to close and then Jordi raises his hand and gives me a little wave. The doors close and I turn back around. I'm officially alone

(Time Skip)

"Honey we're home."

My grandma turns around from the passenger seat to look at me with a smile. I don't say anything. Instead I get out and grab my bags from the trunk. I spent the short car ride home staring out the window, staying silent. I get my bag and pull it over my shoulder. I walk to the door and open it. I stop in the doorway to see the house. Cecilia and Ethan are on the couch watching t.v. and Reese, my youngest sister, is playing with her dolls on the floor. Reese looks up and see's me and jumps up. She runs over to me and hugs my legs. I smile and pick her up and hug her against my chest. I missed Reese, I always worried about her, growing up without a good mom. I took care of her, I wasn't use to leaving her alone. She looks back at me and I put her down.

"Livia we've missed you! Come see my room we redecorated! Then I can show you my art project I did in school! Then we can play!"

She grabs my hand and pulls me up to her room. Her room was covered in pink and princesses. She was always like this. I spend the rest of the day playing with Reese, and talking to Cecilia and Ethan. We've all missed each other. I can hear my grandparents talking about me all day. They keep planning things for us to do all week. My mom, I haven't heard from, I didn't expect to anyway.

"Grandma says you got a boyfriend." Cecilia states.

She brushes a barbie dolls hair waiting for my response.

"Yea, his name is Jordi."

"Are we gonna meet him?" Ethan asks annoyed.

"Maybe I'll bring him to visit. I don't know."

"Livia's got a boyfriend." Reese coos.

I just laugh at her. I forgot how much we all got along, and I was missing it. The only thing, I realize, I was only afraid of was my mom. Cecilia's phone buzzes in her pocket and she picks it up and looks down at it.

"It's mom, she's coming to see us Friday." Cecilia says.

"Oh.." I stutter.

"Dinner!" My grandma yells.

Everyone starts piling out of Reese's room downstairs.

"Coming?" Ethan asks me.

"No, I'm not very hungry. Tell grandma I'll just be in my room."

"Okay."

I hear everyone's quick footsteps running down the stairs. I walk into my room and close the door quietly behind me. I stand staring at everything I was use to. My bed, looked cold and empty. Everything of mine was left untouched. I walk around the room tracing my finger on the bed post. I lay down in the bed and stare up at the ceiling. I was home, but I didn't feel like it. I closed my eyes and counted, a technique I was told to do when I got nervous. I made it to 2,467 before Cecilia came back in the room. I opened my eyes and turned towards her.

"I'm done for the night. You?" She turns towards me and looks me up and down.

I'm scared to face the night alone. Usually Jordi was here with me, I felt protected. Now I'm lost and alone and scared. This was not home, not to me.

"Yea I guess." I murmur.

We change into some pajamas and jump into bed. Cecilia stays up on her phone which makes me feel a little better. My grandma comes in a couple minutes later and tucks me in with a kiss. I try to sleep, but I know what I am to face.

**_"Goodbye Livia." _**

**_The little girl I had lost before appears before me giving me a slight wave of the hand. Her brown eyes are filled with tears. I know where I am, I stand in the middle of the hallway in the hospital. I'm in a hospital gown and nurses stand around me staring at me wide eyed. _**

**_"Time to go Livia." Nurse Jackson tells me._**

**_"No I don't want to! Let me see her!" _**

**_Hands grab me and are pulling me towards a pair of doors. I put my heels on the ground trying to stop them. They have a death grip on my arms and are pulling me away. My feet drag and I look up at the girl._**

**_"Baby girl!" _**

**_"Bye Livia!" She screams at me._**

**_I turn to the nurses and tears well up.  
_**

**_"Please, I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy." _**

**_They don't listen to me they keep pulling me towards the door. My heart stops and I scream as loud as I can. I let out a blood curling scream._**

**_"LET ME GO!"  
_**

"Livia!"

I jolt up out of bed with Cecilia's hands shaking my shoulders.

"What?"

"You were screaming and crying. I woke you up."

She looks down at me, tears streaming down her face. Her eyes show me she's scared.

"I'm fine, just part of the anxiety disorder thing."

She looks at me for a little bit before returning to her own bed.

"I love you Livia. You know that right."

"I know Cecilia, I love you too."

I listen to her breathing and soon she's asleep. I swing my legs over my bed and put my face in my hands. I wasn't going to be sleeping tonight. Not without Jordi.

"Welcome home Livia. Home Sweet Home." I whisper.


	20. Powerful

_**Author's Note: Hey guys! I wanted to give you another chapter, because I want to start writing my second book in the middle of summer! It's almost here! I hope you like the chapter! Review, Follow, and Favorite and you get a chapter sooner! Thanks for reading!**_

''How was your first night home Livia?"

My grandma stands in front of the stove scrambling some eggs. She made a huge breakfast, like she always did in the mornings. Waffles, eggs, toast and jelly all sit on the counter. I helped my grandma make the breakfast. I would always help her so I could listen to her sweet humming. She always hums when she's happy or cooking and I have always stopped and listened to her. I loved music, it was always a big part of my life. My grandma only made my passion for it grow, and right then and there I wanted to belt out my favorite song. I never do though, too nervous, as always.

''Good." I lie.

The truth was I barely got any sleep. Whenever I had a nightmare Jordi's arms were always there. When he wasn't there I felt like I had no power over my anxiety. It's stupid to rely on him. I know I can't. It's just whenever he's there I feel like I'm more powerful than my fear. Now I have to fight the battle alone, and I'm terrified of being alone. My grandma looks at me above her glasses that sit on the tip of her nose. She looks at my eyes and turns back to her eggs. She believed me. I listen to the laughter of my sisters and brother in the living room. Mornings were always the most important in our family. We would all be together with each other, have a big breakfast, and laugh with each other.

''Breakfast!'' My grandma yells.

I hear my grandfathers loud footsteps coming to breakfast and everyone begins to pile into our kitchen picking a seat by our island counter. I take my normal spot as usual. I wonder if it was always left empty? Did everyone leave it like that noticing my absence?

''Yum yum yum!'' Reese sings digging into her waffles.

I watch everyone start eating and turn back to my plate. I can see my grandma watching my movements out of the corner of my eye. She would always worry about me, there was no changing it. I pick up my fork and start eating. I see her gaze return to the mess behind her and start cleaning. My grandma would never eat with us in the morning. She would just grab her coffee and watch us eat. She always kept us company, and she would always make the mornings fun.

''Well what do you guys want to do today?'' My grandma asks.

She turns back towards us resting her elbows on the counter and resting her face on her hands. She looks at each of us in turn, we each give the same response, a shrug of the shoulder.

''I think Livia should decide.'' Cecilia says looking over at me with a smile.

I lift my eyes up from my plate to see everyone looking at me. I can feel myself blush and my heartbeat go faster. I was never good at making decisions and I hated being put on the spot.

''Um... I don't know... Maybe a picnic, on the beach.''

Everyone watches me for a minute before reacting.

''Good idea!'' Reese squeals with excitement in her eyes.

''Sounds like fun.'' Cecilia says.

''Should we get mom to come?'' Ethan asks my grandma.

My grandma tenses up with this. Ethan has always been a mama's boy, there was no changing it. He couldn't see what she's done. My grandma and I were the only ones that haven't forgiven her. I never would, at least that's how I feel now.

''Ethan, you know we can't do that. She needs to focus on getting better, we can't distract her. We can't enable her anymore. She visits weekly, that's what's best for her. She needs to see what she's missing so she'll want to get better.''

Ethan looks down fumbling with his hands, it's obviously not the answer he wanted. I feel bad for him, I forgot how much our mom meant to him. It must be like hell for him, losing his dad and his mom. I have this urge to go over there and try to make it better. I stand up and push my chair back, I make my way over to Ethan and tap him on the shoulder. He looks up at me and I motion for him to get up. He does and I wrap my arms around him and pull him into a big hug. He hugs me back and leans on me a little bit. Cecilia comes over and joins in, and then I feel little Reese hugging my legs. All four Smith children hold on tight to each other. Our dad was dead. Our mom was gone. We were here for each other, no matter what. I think about my step-sisters and I get a shiver. I could only remember them.

''Thank you Livia.'' My brother whispers.

We all pull away from each other and I give them my best smile.

''So... that beach. Get going everyone, I wanna start heading out. I'll pack a lunch.''

She waves her hands at us and we all go running. I race Cecilia up to our room and I barge through the door victorious.

''Ha ha.'' I brag.

''Oh whatever, you're a track runner, you're always going to beat me in these races.'' She says waving me off.

I walk up next to her peering over her shoulder. She has a drawer pulled out containing all of our bathing suits. She's trying to pick on to wear. I reach over her shoulder and grab the closest thing to me. It ends up being a pale yellow string bikini. I give myself a smile, this was always my favorite swimsuit. Cecilia, Ethan, and a couple of our friends would go swimming all day long in the summer. We would lay soaking up the sun in the sand, swimming in the lake, and eating good food. Cecilia decides on a blue string bikini with white polka dots. I turn my back and slip my clothes off. I get undressed and step into the bathing suit. I hold put on my top and hold the strings at the base of my neck with one hand I motion for Cecilia to tie the strings with my free hand. She does a double knot, and then she changes. I do the same thing for her and soon we're almost ready. I pull my hair back tight into a bun and slip on a sundress. I step into some flip flops and grab my beach bag that Cecilia packed for us. I check over everything to make sure it's all there. Two towels, sunscreen, two sunglasses, seems like everything. I follow Cecilia down the steps and back into the kitchen. My grandma has lunch packed up tight in a cooler. I see my grandma and grandpa standing in their normal clothes. I gave them a look but they just shook their heads.

''No swimming for me and your grandma here. We'll just eat with you and watch you guys having fun.'' My grandpa laughs.

''Everyone in the car!'' My grandma bellows.

We make our way to the car and we all race to get the best seats. I hold back and let everyone pick their spots. This is what I've been missing, my family. Is this what I want? I shake my head trying to rid the thought, but it still lingered in my mind though. I make quick steps to the car and get in. We're off on our own little adventure.

(Time Skip)

''Get away!'' I hear someone shriek.

I run upstairs and listen. I realize the sound is coming from Reese's room. I open the door quietly and step inside. I sit on the corner of her bed and look down at her.

''I had a nightmare.'' She whispers.

''I'm sorry Reesie.''

I lay down next to her and wrap my arms around her. She stays quiet for what seems like a while. I decide to take her mind off her dream.

''Did you have fun at the beach today?''

I look down at Reese stroking her hair as she lays down next to me.

''It was super fun. It was even funner with you there.''

I let out a small laugh and look down at her again. This time she looks more upset.

''What's wrong Reesie?''

Her lower lip quivers and I know she's about to cry.

''I miss mama.''

I watch her tears fall down her face before wiping them away with my hand. I pull her up and place her on my lap. I hold onto her tight and kiss the top of her head. I let her cry for a little bit before talking to her.

''She misses you too Reesie, you know that right?''

''Yea.'' She whispers.

''And no matter what you always have me. I'll always take care of you, you know that right?''

''Yea.''

We sit in silence as I slowly rock Reese back in forth in my lap. I'm humming to her which always calms her down. I lay her back down in bed and she stares up at me.

''Will you sing the song for me?''

I give her a smile and a kiss on the forehead. I open my mouth and begin to sing softly.

_You are my sunshine_

_My only sunshine_

_You make me happy _

_When skies are gray_

_You'll never know Reese_

_How much I love you_

_Please don't take my sunshine away_

I give her one last kiss before getting up.

''Goodnight Reese.''

''Goodnight Livia.''

I turn on her night light and close the door leaving it just a crack open. I head back downstairs to the living room and look at the time. It's only 11 but everyone else is in bed. I let out a loud sigh and lay down on the couch. I lay my hand over my eyes and fight back the urge to cry. I just wanted to sleep. The phone rings and I sit straight up and run over to it. I pick it up and listen.

''Hello? It's mom. Who is this?''

I stay silent, not knowing what to say. Why was she calling so late? Why couldn't I say anything? I had no power. I had nothing to give to her.

''Hello? Anyone there?''

I pull the phone slowly away from my head and hang up. I hold the phone looking at it. What did I do? Why couldn't I speak? I can feel the anger rising up in me. How stupid am I? How stupid is she? I don't want her here! I throw the phone over at the couch and watch it bounce back onto the floor.

''Just stay away mom. Just stay away.'' I whisper.

I walk over and pick up the phone I place it back on its spot and let out a loud sigh. My hand goes to my neck and I slowly rub the charms of my necklace. Jordi in a way was here with me. I walk over to the window and look up at the stars.

''Hey dad. I haven't talked to you in a while. I'm scared dad, and powerless. I wish you were here.'' I start to choke up. I focus on my breathing before starting again. ''I know you use to love mom with all your heart and I never understood why. I grew up with the women she is today. I ask you to let me see that women you loved. To let me see what you saw. I love you dad.'' I whisper.

I walk back over to the couch and lay down looking up at the ceiling. My hand still holds my necklace. I close my eyes and try to sleep.

_**I'm walking on the sand holding hands with the girl again. She has a skip to her step and and she lets go of my hand to run over to another girl. I take a second look and it's Reese. I run up to her and give her a hug. She's older now, 14 maybe. Her dirty blonde hair is cut to her chin and her deep green eyes shine. **_

_**''Hey you.'' Reese says smiling down at the girl then up at me.**_

_**''Hey you.'' I say looking at Reese.**_

**_She looks both me and the girl over._**

**_''You're doing a good thing Livia.'' She adds._**

**_''What am I doing?''_**

**_''You're keeping your promise. You're always there.''_**

**_I smile down at her. _**

**_''A promise is a promise.''_**

**_I pick up the little girl and bounce her on my hip. I carry her and Reese walks next to me. _**

**_''I love you girls.'' I say looking between them. _**

**_''We love you too.'' They both add. _**

**_The sun starts to set and the three of us just keep walking. I set the girl down and watch her and Reese chasing each other in the sand. My hand goes to my neck instinctively and the necklace is still there. I close my eyes trying to remember who gave it to me. I get a warm feeling remembering his name. I feel powerful at this moment in time._**

**_''I love you too Jordi.'' I say out loud as I watch the little girls play._**

''Wake up!''

I open my eyes to see Reese standing in front of me trying to get me up. I rub my eyes with the back of my hand and walk over to the kitchen sitting down in my assigned spot.

''Did you have a good night?'' My grandma asks looking over her shoulder.

''Yea I did, I actually did.''

''Are you happy to be home?'' Cecilia asks.

''Yea, I am. I actually am.''

I let a smile break across my face.

''I love you guys.'' I add.


	21. Love

_**Author's Note: Sorry for not posting in a while. I have finals I have to study for which is never fun. Who cares though, it's all worth it because, summer is almost here! AH! So in honor of this soon to be vacation, you get another chapter. Hope you enjoy! Happy Memorial Day!**_

''Mom's visiting today, you know that right?'' Cecilia stares at me waiting for something.

''Yea, I know.'' I watch my whole family watching me with careful eyes.''You don't have to look at me like that.'' I speak up.

Everyone looks away from me, going back to trying to look busy. I would've been mad but then I remember what we've all been doing during my visit. The last few days have been spent doing family stuff, laughing, and staying close to each other. I decided to not get upset but the tension was noticeable in the air this morning. It was Friday and my mom was coming for a visit. Everyone bit their tongues around me keeping their eyes steadily glaring at me. They were wondering what I was thinking. I was scared and nervous about her coming. I didn't know how I exactly felt though with her having another kid. How was I suppose to be? Was there a right and wrong way to feel?

''I can't wait to see Mama. I hope she'll be happy to see you too Livia.'' Reese says shaking my arm.

I keep quiet not knowing how to explain my relationship with our mom to Reese. I don't know what she'll do when I'm here, I don't know what I'll do.

''Yea, I hope so too.'' I whisper.

''She's suppose to be here at one right?'' Ethan asks excitedly.

''Yep, at one.'' My grandma says with her back to us. I can see her shaking her head ever so slightly as she's cleaning up dishes.

I excuse myself from my family and head up stairs to my room. I close the door and slide down to the floor. I feel the tears start to come and I cry. I put my hand over my mouth to cover up my cries. All I ever wanted was a mom, and now that I'm getting one I don't know who'll I'll be or what to do anymore. I close my eyes tight and feel my tears fall down my face. I count my breaths... one...two...three...four...five. I open my eyes and I feel better. I stand up and wipe my eyes. Instinctively I look over at the clock. It's already 1:20, how did the time go by so fast? I was sitting here and then...

''Mommy!'' I hear Reese yell.

I open my door and peer down the hallway. I listen for anything, all I can hear is muffled voices. I can hear her though, her voice seeming to be the loudest.

''My kids! Let's see there's Reese, Cecilia, Ethan, and? We're missing one.''

''Livia's upstairs, um... she's working on a stress exercise. I'll go get her.'' I hear my grandmother lie.

Her footsteps soon follow and I run back into my room and jump on my bed. I see my grandma walk through my door and give me a smile.

''Your mom's here Livia.''

''I know.''

I stare down at my hands while my grandma looks around my room.

''She still loves you Livia.''

''I know.''

She comes and sits next to me grabbing my hand. I meet her gaze and she gives my hand a squeeze.

''Well Livia, let's get through this visit together.''

She lets go of my hand and gets up off the bed and stands in front of me. She offers me her hand and I take it. She pulls me up to her and gives me a little shove towards the door. I start walking down the hallway towards the stairs. I stop at the top of them and try to tell my legs to move. I feel my grandma's hand on my shoulder.

''No matter what happens today Livia, you always have my love.''

I nod my head looking back down at the steps I have to take. I move my feet and the rest of my body follows. I step down into the downstairs hall and follow the voices I'm hearing. I walk into the living room and see my whole family sitting there. My mother looks up at me and I take her in. Her stomach is much bigger now. She looked a lot bigger than 4 months. Or maybe it was me. She cut her hair short, to her chin. Her dyed blonde hair was turning brown at the roots. She wears a t-shirt and some jeans, nothing special. I look down at myself, I'm wearing a white lace crop top with a pale yellow maxi skirt. Did I dress up too much? Did I look presentable? Was I a suitable daughter for her.

''I got her.'' My grandma states walking over to sit on the couch next to my grandpa.

''I see.'' My mother spits out.

Everyone sits in an awkward silence. I look at my mom the whole time waiting for something. She looks down at her hands biting her lip. We stay like this for 10 minutes until I've finally had enough.

''Really?'' I ask annoyed.

She doesn't look up, she just keeps looking down.

''Anything?'' I ask louder this time, still glaring at her.

She still sits not saying anything. I let out a loud huff, why was she doing this?

''Mom!'' I shout at her.

She looks up and returns my glare. Her eyes like ice.

''Livia, let's just go.'' Cecilia says getting up and tugging at my arm.

I shake her arm off me and keep my eyes focused on my mom.

''No! I'm done running away from her! I don't know what I did wrong mom!''

''Livia stop.'' Ethan states.

''My whole life you've been running away from me mom! You've always been mad at me! I'm always doing something wrong! Why don't you like me! Why don't you care about me!''

Tears start welling up in my eyes. Reese comes up and hides behind my legs.

''I just wanted you there mom! I want my mommy! I can't take this!''

I'm shaking now and tears are streaming down my face. My mom refuses to even look at me now.

''Livia, please, come with me.'' My grandma pleads.

''Look what's happened to me! I need your help mom! Tell me what I did wrong!''

I push past everyone and walk over to her and get down on my knees in front of her. I place my hands on her, she finally looks up at me.

''I'm begging you mom! Tell me what I did wrong! Say anything! Please!''

She looks down at my hands on top hers. She pulls them out from under mine and I'm left in shock.

''If I leave out of this room without a word from you, I will promise you, I will never see you again.'' I whisper looking at her.

She still sits, she closed her eyes tightly, not saying anything. I get up and make my way out of the living room. I stand in the doorway and look back at her.

''I stayed away because I loved you.'' She whispers, eyes still closed.

''Tell me the truth mom!'' I shout, surprising even me.

She lets out her breath and inhales deeply.

''I won't.'' She says.

I'm lost for words. Was she admitting she was lying?

''Bye mom.''

I walk out of the living room and run up the stairs back to my room. I start packing my bag, refusing to stay here. I hear everyone's footsteps come through my door.

''I love you guys but I'm not staying. I'll see you all next Sunday.'' I push past them with my bag packed.

I walk down the stairs and open the front door. I stop for a minute and then turn back towards the living room.

''I love you mom, but I can't stay, not with us like this.''

I stare at her in silence for a minute before heading out the front door, I slam it shut behind me. I let out a shaky breath and start heading down my driveway. I pull out my phone and call Mrs. Harris, who was now on speed dial. The phone rings four times before I hear her voice.

''Livia? How's everything? Are you okay?''

I try to sound strong but I break down before I can even say anything.

''I'm not okay..'' I whimper. ''Will you come get me? Bring me back to the hospital?'' I plead.

''Of course Livia. I'll be right there. Just stay there okay?''

''Okay...'' I cry.

I hang up the phone and clutch it tightly. I put it away and sit down in the middle of my driveway. I rub the charms on my necklace realizing how much of a lie I was living.

''I'm not fearless, or strong, or passionate, I'm just me.'' I say out loud.

I see a van pull up and I see Mrs. Harris sitting in the driver's seat. I walk over and open up the passenger door and hop in throwing my bag in the backseats in the process. I look back and see two booster seats in the back. It never occurred to me that Mrs. Harris had a family.

''Livia, you're grandparents and mom know you're leaving right?''

''All too well.''

Mrs. Harris backs out of the driveway and starts driving towards the hospital. It's then I remembered what I wanted to do.

''Wait!'' I shout.

''What?''

''Will you take me to my dad's grave?'' I ask.

Without answer Mrs. Harris switches lanes heading towards the graveyard. We get there and I step out of the car. I hold up my hand and tell Mrs. Harris I'll be back shortly. I walk over to my dad's grave and sit down in front of the dirt.

''Here dad. It's what I was going to give to you for your birthday.''

I place a Snickers bar, my dad's favorite, and a tiny little heart shaped rock I had found walking with him on the beach one day. I had managed to grab it out of my room before I left. I never got to give it to him, so I figured I would now. The whole thing made me feel a lot better. I gave my dad's headstone a kiss before heading back to Mrs. Harris's car.

''Thank you Mrs. Harris.'' I say getting into the car.

''Don't thank me, really.''

She starts driving towards the hospital again and this time, I don't say anything. We pull up in the hospital parking lot and we both get out of the car. We make our way through the hospital and she leads us to the nurse's station. I can see Nurse Jackson, Brittany, and Kenji looking at me confused. I see Mrs. Harris whispering to Nurse Jackson, explaining everything. I just stand still waiting for directions.

''I want you to just relax these next two days. I'll have our next appointment be on Sunday, like planned. You came back early so just, hang out and try not to think about what happened today too much.''

''Okay Mrs. Harris. Thanks for everything, it means a lot.''

She gives me a smile before heading over to me and giving me a quick hug. She's leaving before I even have time to react. I watch Mrs. Harris leave before turning to head towards my room. I'm walking down the hall by myself, and I can only imagine how pathetic I look.

''Liv?''

I turn around to see Dash walking over towards me. He pulls me into a hug and smiles at me.

''You're back early.''

''I just couldn't bear to be away.''

Dash looks down at me and frowns.

''Have you been crying? What's up Liv?''

''Nothing...'' I say turning away from him.

''Yo, everyone would want to know you're here. Let me go get them!''

He takes off running before I have a chance to tell him no. I head back to my room and flop onto my bed. My door is left open and I close my eyes and listen to someone coming in and closing the door. I keep my eyes closed.

''Jordi, I just want to be alone.''

I open my eyes and see my mom, I jolt up in my bed and stare at her. I watch her and she starts crying.

''I've been horrible to you. I don't deserve a daughter like you. I'm so sorry Livia. I'm so sorry.''

I stand up and go over and hold her. She falls into me, making me feel like the grown up.

''Shhhhh mom... shhhh...''

''I was so embarrassed, you were always a reminder of the horrible things I've done. I let you grow up alone. I let you grow up being afraid and scared and nervous. I'm so sorry Livia. I'm so sorry.'' She cries harder.

I can feel a lump in my throat grow.

''I love you Livia, I really do. I don't blame you if you hate me.''

''I don't hate you mom, I don't hate you.''

''I wish I could be half the person you are.'' She cries into me.

I look over my mom and see the Red Band Society standing outside my window. Emma and Kara are crying and I see even Leo, Dash, and Jordi choking up.

''You made me who I am mom. I love you.''

She pulls away from me and stares up at me. She smiles and wipes away her tears.

''I'm glad you're still in my life.''

I just nod at her.

''You always know where to find me.'' I add.

''And always know my love, even though it's hard to see, never runs out.''

My main reaction is doubt. I don't believe her, but I know I have to. I have to trust her.

''Okay mom.''


	22. Lies

_**Author's Note: HEY GUYS IT'S SUMMER! This means I will be writing more often, which I've been failing at these past few days. Thanks for sticking with me! Happy readings!**_

(Emma's POV)

''Come on, let's leave these two alone.'' I say nodding my head at Livia and her mom.

''But...'' Jordi starts.

''Jordi, she'll be here tomorrow morning, you can see her then.'' Kara says.

''Fine...'' Jordi mumbles.

We all start heading our separate ways. I feel a hand on my waist and see Leo walking next to me. I keep my arms folded across my chest. He walks me to my room and pulls me in close to him. I close my eyes and listen to his breathing. His lips meet mine slowly. I kiss him back and pull away.

''Goodnight Emma.''

I watch him walk down the hall leaving me, I go back into my room and shut the door. I walk over and sit down. All I wanted to do these past 5 days is talk to Livia. I can't do it much longer. The doctors think I'm ready to go home, I know I'm not though. No one notices though, everyone thinks I'm fine. No one listens, no one can see but Livia. I wouldn't bother her anymore, I would be gone.

(Livia's POV)

''Mom it's getting late, I want to go to bed.''

''Yea, I should go too, I have to get back before curfew.''

Truth was it was only 7, but I didn't want to talk to her anymore. I understand she wants things better, but I can't just forget 8 years of my life. Fact of the matter was, she wasn't there, and it's not something I'm just going to stop and forget. I watch my mom stand up from the couch and walk her way over to the door. I follow ready to close her out for the night. She stops and smiles at me.

''I love you Livia.''

''Yea, I know. Love ya too.''

She didn't notice the harshness in my voice. I didn't mean to say it like that, it just always came out with her. Like I couldn't accept I was actually saying the words I never imagined myself saying to her. It was never in the cards. I never said it before things got really bad, and that's the only time I said _I love you_, when things were bad. She walks out of my room and I close the door thankfully. I peel off my clothes and throw on some pj's, jumping into bed in the process. Sleep comes easy, and I'm thankful, after a long hard day.

(Time Skip)

I wake up in the morning with a million things on my mind. I've missed my friends and my first plan of business is to go talk to them. I worry about their health, and I get to due to the fact we are in a hospital, at any moment any of us could take a turn for the worse. I look at the time, 10:17! How did I sleep in so late? How come Nurse Jackson wasn't standing over me threatening me with a bucket full of cold water? I jump out of bed and run to the mirror. I stood in shorts and a t-shirt. I brush my hair with my hands trying to will myself to run out of the room. I couldn't do it, I felt like I had to present myself in a better way after spending almost a week away from everyone. I throw on a sky blue v-neck shirt and some light wash skinny jeans. I put on some combat boots, which I never do. I pull my hair back into a bun and give myself a quick look over. I looked as acceptable as you can in a hospital, it was enough for me to push forward out the door and to Emma's room. I was greeted by emptiness. I walked over to Kara's room next. Again, no one was there. I make my way over to the swamp. Hopefully I could find someone.

''There's mi amor!'' Jordi says rushing over to me spotting me in the doorway of their room.

''What does that mean?''

''Never mind that... you're back!''

Jordi walks over to me grabbing my hips and pulling me into him. I wrap my arms around his neck and he swings me around in his strong arms. I let out a laugh missing his smile. He stops and looks down at me.

''I missed you.'' He whispers in my ear.

He leans down closer to me and soon his lips are on mine. My lips spark, forgetting the feeling of his lips on mine. I want to savor the moment.

''Man Liv, I wish you did that to me too girl. Come say hi to me.'' Dash jokes.

I pull away from Jordi and laugh. I walk over to Dash and plant a kiss on his cheek.

''Hi Dash.''

I walk over to Leo and lean down to give him a hug.

''Hi Leo.''

I scan the room for anyone else.

''Where's Emma and Kara?'' I ask.

''Kara told me she would be with Hunter.'' Dash answers.

''What about Emma?'' I ask again.

Everyone seems uncomfortable when I mention her name. No one answers me and I know something is wrong.

''Okay, silence is never good. What's up with Emma?''

I look back at Jordi, waiting for him. He opens his mouth, but then decides against it. I try to meet Leo's gaze but he completely ignores me. Dash offers nothing more than a shrug of the shoulders.

''She's leaving.'' Leo states.

''What?!'' I almost shout.

''Soon.'' Dash adds.

''She can't! She's not ready!''

''That's not your decision to make Livia.'' Leo spits out.

''Then who's is it?! The doctors Emma has obviously been lying to?! She's not ready, it doesn't take a genius to see that!''

Leo stands up so he can face me. He's taller than me, and he's trying to scare me. It doesn't though, I knew what was right for Emma, and her leaving wasn't right.

''The doctors have worked with her since day one. They know what they're doing.''

''I can't believing you're telling yourself that Leo. You're believing what they want you to. You know she's not ready.''

Leo says nothing in return. Dash and Jordi look surprised by my defiance. Neither one of them makes any movements, afraid of Leo and I.

''Where is she?'' I finally ask.

''Therapy.'' Jordi speaks up when Leo doesn't.

Something is very wrong about this. Emma and I would always talk in the mornings on Saturdays. Today was Saturday. She never had therapy on a Saturday. It was never on Saturdays. Somethings wrong with Emma, I sense, something really wrong. I try to hide any shock, or stress I'm feeling.

''When she gets back, come get me.'' I say turning towards Jordi.

He nods and I give him a quick smile before I'm out the door. I stop right before leaving.

''I didn't mean to make you angry Leo, I just want what's best for Emma.''

I walk out the door before even hearing an answer from Leo. There's an intense feeling I can't shake off. Why would Emma lie about therapy? Why would she be lying telling everyone she was fine? Was she actually fine? Where was she? The fear inside of me only grew. What if she's in danger? What if she's in danger willingly? I needed air, time to think through my anxiety. I was probably just overreacting. I head up to my favorite spot, the roof. I make my way up the stairs, taking a long time to will myself to move up to the top. I make it and open the door. I look straight ahead and my heart stops, and I am frozen in time.

(Leo's POV)

Everyone is silent, no one willing to break it because of me and Livia.

''She's got a point Leo.'' Dash adds carefully.

''What?'' I ask angrily.

''Emma isn't her usual happy self. She's been... what's the word... distant.''

''I know her better than anyone else! She would tell me if something was wrong! I would notice!'' I snap tired of holding it in.

''Leo, Emma's sick, she's not very open about her disease.'' Jordi steps in.

I shake my head. Emma loved me, she would tell me. She wouldn't want to stay sick, she wants to get better. She is better.

''But I love her... she would...''

''Exactly, you love her. She loves you, do you really think she would admit to you she's sick?'' Jordi asks.

It all makes sense now. She wanted to be normal, so that I could love her.

''Oh no... I should of said something before...''

''Make things right bro, go find your women.'' Dash jokes.

I'm walking, crutches in hand out to find Emma.

''I'm coming Emma.'' I whisper.

(Livia's POV)

I stood closing my eyes tight thinking if I kept them shut the outside world would just stop. When I opened them again nothing changed. Emma stood on the edge of the roof looking down. Her arms lay by her sides and she raised them slowly. She started to stand on her toes and my chest closed up tight.

''Emma!'' I shouted.

I turn to run at her but she looks back at me with a warning look.

''Another step and I jump.'' She shouts over the wind at me.

I freeze and put my hands up in surrender.

''Emma, listen...just get off that ledge... and we'll talk...okay?''

''No more talking!'' Emma shouted.

''Emma I get it though...'' I say trying to hide my fear.

''No, you don't! You don't have an eating disorder that controls your life! You don't have everyone telling you you're fine when you know you're not! You don't have a boyfriend who wants you normal! You don't have a mom who hates you!''

''Emma... we're... more alike than you think...'' I say trying to find the right words.

''No, you're lying, everyone lies.''

''Emma...please...talk to me...'' I beg.

She gets back on her feet but doesn't make a move off the ledge. She has a crazed look in her eyes, and I know she's capable of jumping.

''Talking does no good! How have you not seen it! All it is is lies, lies, lies, and more lies. They lie, everyone lies.''

I'm half listening to her, knowing her words are out of this crazed state. Emma wouldn't say such things. Not the my best friend Emma. I had one chance to get close to her, to try to get her off the ledge. She would get so upset, but I saw no other option.

''You're the liar.'' I say trying to sound angry.

She looks shocked at my statement, but dares me to keep talking.

''You told me you'd always be here for me. You lied.'' I shout at her.

She shakes her head at me trying to ignore me.

''You told me we were friends. You lied. You told me you would always talk to me. You lied. You told me you wanted to get better. You lied.'' I pushed.

''Stop!'' She screamed.

''No...you liar!'' I shout back.

I looked back at the door anxiously, hoping for someone to come. I couldn't do this much longer.

''My dad left me, my mom left me, please not my best friend too.'' I pleaded.

She was obviously upset and turned around. This time when she did she was poised to jump. I took the only chance I saw and ran over to her, moving faster than I ever thought possible. I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her onto the ground with me. She wrestled with me on the floor but eventually I got a death grip around her stomach, and she was too small and weak to fight me. She clawed at my arms and punched and kicked anything she felt contact with. I wouldn't let go though.

''Get off of me!'' She screamed.

''No!'' I screamed back.

''Let me die!''

''Help!'' I shouted as loud as I could.

''Let me die! Let me die Livia! Please, just let me die!''

My heart was racing and at any moment, I felt like I would lose the strength to keep Emma safe from herself.

''Emma I can't let you die...''

Emma breaks down into my arms, her tears hit my arms making it all more real to me. Her wails made me shudder.

''Let me die...'' She wailed. ''Let me die...'' She begged.

''I can't Emma, I need you.'' I cried.

''Let me die...'' She whispered.

Her scratching, punching, and kicking suddenly got worse.

''Emma you're my best friend, I need you here.'' I begged her.

''I don't care, just let me die!'' She kept repeating it over and over again.

''I need you here Emma... please...'' I cried.

I was getting tired, and Emma was not giving up. I couldn't hold on much longer, she was hurting me. I sucked in my breath giving

''Help!'' I screamed long and loudly. It was my last ditch effort.

''Ah!'' Emma screamed.

She managed to break away from me, and I got up and tried to hold her down. She was relentless, and even though I was stronger than her, she still managed to fight. I managed to grab her arm and pull her down. She screamed and screamed, still scratching at me.

''It's me Emma, Livia, you're friend!'' I shouted.

I heard a door open and quick footsteps follow. I breathed a sigh of relief. Emma continued to scream, and I kept trying to soothe her. I looked up to see Leo again, seeing me. He looked horrified.

''Don't just stand there! Get a doctor!'' I screamed at him, no longer being patient.

Faster than I've ever seen him move he was gone. Emma kept screaming and kicking and tears streamed down my face. The physical pain was ruthless, but seeing her like this made me want to scream at the world for doing this to her.

''Doctors are coming...'' I whispered to her.

''Lies, lies, lies!'' She screamed.

She reached up and pulled my hair earning a shriek in response from me. The only time I have ever been so hurt by another person before was Luke. This wasn't Emma, this wasn't something she could do. I know, I've been through the same thing as her, your not yourself. With the image Emma sitting on her couch reading I told myself to hang on. I closed my eyes enduring as much pain as I humanely could. I felt Emma being tugged away from me and opened my eyes. I couldn't hear anything, all I could see was Emma. Doctors and nurses were working together to pry her away without anyone being hurt. Emma tried to hurl her frail body around but the doctors had already given her a dose of morphine. A nurse stroked the hair out of Emma's face as she was being hooked down to a stretcher. Her chest rose and fell in short bursts, and she turned her head, so I could see her. Her deep, brown eyes pierced into me and I saw something I was so familiar seeing. Fear. I rose to my feet and steadied myself.

''Livia!'' Jordi shouts after me, awakening me from my shock.

''What the hell happened to you and Emma?!''

I shake my head biting my lip.

''Livia...'' Jordi starts.

I stay silent as I watch Leo run to Emma's side trying to comfort her. It's too late, Emma is gone, lost in a world of dreams. I looked at my arms to see the marks. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I knew Nurse Jackson would be checking them all anyway.

''She wanted to fly.'' I whisper to him.

''Fly?'' He asks.

I nod my head, folding my arms around my chest, and soon he realizes what I meant.

''So what happened then?'' He asked, carefully, not trying to upset me.

''I told her she was a liar and made her angry so she would turn around. I ran up behind her and took her to the ground. She fought with me and I just held onto her as best I could. She was kicking and screaming. She wanted me to let her die.'' I moaned.

Tears silently fell down my cheeks. I rubbed my arms trying to rid them of the feeling of Emma's nails digging at them. If I was here maybe I could have helped her. I could have talked to her. Jordi's hand slid into mine as we watched Emma being taken away. Leo broke down, and I notice Dash, Kara, and Hunter have made an appearance. They try to comfort Leo but he breaks away, following after Emma. Dr. McAndrew walks up to me and motions for everyone to leave.

''We have to talk.'' He states. He leaves and I follow close behind.

(Time Skip)

''Did you not see her! She can't leave!'' I shouted at him.

Dr. McAndrew asked me about everything today. I was surprised when he tried to pretend the situation wasn't as bad as it was. He was positive she needed to be home.

''She's still ready, this was just a stress response. It's something we intend to talk about with the counselors.'' He says calmly.

''She hates them! She lies! Can't you see! You can't send her home she's not ready!'' I make my point clear.

''She wants to get better, she's showed us time after time.''

''She was right, you are liars. You don't want what's best for us.'' I spit at him.

Shocked by my words he is taken back, lost for words. I glare at him and open his office door and step out, not before slamming the door. Jordi is there waiting for me and without a word I fall into him. His arms envelope me, and this time, it's my turn to sob and beg for answers unknown to me.


	23. Don't Go

_**Author's Note: AH! THANK YOU GUYS! I want to send out a huge thank you to dabombbritt for all her wonderful reviews. Her story inspired this one so if you haven't, I'm sure you already have, go check out her story. I hope you guys are enjoying this weather, and I hope you all have a wonderful summer!**_

I sit up straight for a second not knowing where I am. I look around and realize I'm in the swamp. I turn over and feel Jordi next to me. I shake his shoulder to wake him up.

''Jordi... wake up...'' I whisper.

''No...'' He moans.

''Come on. We have to go find Emma.''

He sits up, moving behind me, and his hands wrap around my stomach. He rests his chin on my shoulder and I try to breath normally.

''Leo already tried that. We've been strictly told not to talk to her today. She's leaving today.'' He whispers close to my ear.

I feel the lump in my throat grow and tears sting my eyes. Emma was leaving, when she wasn't even ready. What was she trying to prove? Tears fall down my cheeks and Jordi sees. He holds me tight and starts kissing my neck. He moves up to my jaw and then my cheek and then my lips. I try to hold onto the moment as much as my mind lets me. A thought crosses my mind and I push Jordi away.

''What's going to happen to us when I leave?'' I ask.

Jordi's face goes serious and he stares into my eyes. I didn't know what to expect, all I knew was I'd be leaving before him. He hasn't been able to get the surgery he needs. Me, I just have to move past my mental issues then one surgery can fix me up and I'm out the door. What happens then? He cups my face with both his hands.

''Te amo Livia.''

He moves his lips to mine pulling me in by my neck closer to him. My hands rest on his chest not knowing if I should stop, like I should to find Emma, or keep going because that's what I want.

''Jordi...'' I mumble against his lips.

''What...?'' He asks annoyed.

I pull back and look at him.

''Jordi I have to go. I need to see Emma.''

''How? Everyone's watching her with hawk eyes. We can't get anywhere near her.''

I give him a smirk in response.

''Uh oh... that's your idea face...''Jordi teases.

''Yep.''

''How do you come up with this stuff?'' He asks.

''Hey, you're talking to the master mind in the Smith house since 1st grade.''

''Alright, let me hear it.'' He says leaning in close.

(Time Skip)

''I want to say thank you first of all for doing this you guys.''

I look around the group that sits in the swamp. Hunter,Kara, Dash, Jordi, and me all sit in a circle. Leo was no where to be found.

''Anything for a red bander.'' Dash states.

''Anything for Emma.'' Kara adds in a hushed tone.

''What exactly are we getting ourselves into again?''

''Listen really carefully this time.'' I exaggerate.

Everyone's eyes are on me, I try not to get nervous under their stares.

''Okay, Kara will be wearing her heart monitor like always. This time no messing with it, I need you and Hunter to do, whatever it is you guys do.'' I say looking at Kara.

''No problem.'' Kara smirks.

''Nurse Jackson's going to see your heart rate going like crazy, she'll run over, trying to find you. Keep away from her as much as you can. It will give us more time.''

''I know just where to go..'' Hunter adds slyly.

''Dash, remember that one time you told me about, when you pit-pocketed a friend just to see if you could do it?''

''Course.''

''Think you could do it with Nurse Brittany's keys?''

''Of course. I need a distraction.''

''That's where Jordi comes in.''

I turn towards Jordi, my attention on him.

''You need to get Brittany talking, she loves to do it anyway so it shouldn't be so hard. Find anything she likes to exaggerate on, that's when Dash will get her keys.''

''What about Nurse Kenji?'' Jordi asks.

''He's always on the sixth floor at this time of day. He won't be a problem.''

''So where do you fit in this whole equation Liv?'' Dash asks.

''You meet me back here with the keys. I'm going to Emma's room.''

''What about Leo?'' Kara asks.

''I don't know. He's been gone all day. No one knows where he is.'' I explain.

Everyone seems to understand and we all go silent.

''So when are we doing this?'' Hunter asks.

''Now...''

Hunter stands grabbing Kara's hand and taking off to their spot. The rest of us are near the Nurse's station waiting to hear Nurse Jackson leave. After ten minutes of waiting our plan finally takes action.

''There she goes again...'' We hear Nurse Jackson bellow.

We watch Nurse Jackson take off mumbling to herself.

''Now.'' I direct.

Jordi takes off towards Nurse Brittany.

''Hey Nurse Brittany, what's up?''

''Jordi I'm in no mood today. I appreciate it but, not today.'' She says looking at her work the whole time.

Oh no. Please, please, please, please Nurse Brittany. Terror starts to freeze my body. Jordi looks back at me and gives a wink.

''Nurse Brittany, I don't feel so good.'' He says grabbing at his head.

''What do you mean? What's wrong?'' She says standing up.

''My head it's killing me.''

''I think we should get you to bed.'' She says walking over to him.

''What are you waiting for go...'' I whisper shout at Dash.

Dash heads over to Nurse Brittany, in a matter of a minute he's back by my side. He dangles the keys in my face. I snatch them with a smile on my face.

''How'd you do that so fast?''

''Skill Liv, skill.''

I roll my eyes at him before mouthing a thank you to him. I take off running to Emma's room. I don't care what happens when I get in there, just as long as I there. I run and make it to Emma's door. It's closed and locked, I try Nurse Brittany's key and it works. I open the door, slip inside, and close it shut. I stand blocking the door so no one was going in or out.

''What are you doing here?'' Emma asks worried.

''I came to see you, since you're ignoring me.'' I retort.

''Get out.'' She demands.

She stands by her mirror refusing to look at me, I stay still, my feet planted in front of the door.

''No, I came to talk.''

''I'm done talking, it does no good.''

''Then just listen Emma.'' I say raising my voice.

''No Livia, you don't get it. You don't get what I'm going through. You don't get being afraid, and hating yourself. You just don't...'' She trails off.

''I do get it.''

''How?''

''For as long as I could remember I've been afraid. I grew up... alone. My parents got divorced and my mom went off the deep end. I blamed myself for it, and I hated it. I hated me, I hated what I was, everything about me.'' I stutter.

She just stared at me.

''I lost my mom, she's only a shell of her old self. I lost my dad, my sisters, myself. I needed help, and I finally got it. You needed help too, and you got it, but you still need it. You're not ready.''

''That's not what everyone else thinks.''

''I know you're not ready. Leo knows you're not ready. Jordi, Kara, and Dash know you're not.''

She stays silent.

''You guys showed me how to change. You made me want to get better. You taught me how to love and care for people. Please, don't go.'' I begged.

She turns around refusing to look at me.

''Goodbye Livia.'' She whispers so quiet I almost didn't hear her.

I'm shocked, how could she... why would she?

''Fine. Bye Emma.''

I open up her door and leave. I was so angry I was storming past everyone. Dash gave me a look and I just ignored him. I made my way to the Nurse's station and drop off the keys onto the desk. Nurse Brittany looks at me like she's about to say something but decides not to. Everyone must truly see how I feel. I make my way to my room and slam the door in the process. I don't know what to do with myself, I wanted to scream as loud as I could and to cry just because I could. My best friend was leaving me, and she wasn't leaving the way I want her to leave. I want her to be happy again.

(Jordi's POV)

I was laying down in my bed as instructed by Nurse Brittany. I was waiting for Livia to come and tell me something. I heard someone walk through the door and I was surprised to see it was Leo.

''Leo! Where have you been?''

''No where.'' He walks over to his bed and lays down, ignoring me.

''Listen, you need to say something to Emma.''

''Nothing I say will change her mind.''

''You know what, you're probably right, but you can't not say anything. You need to let her know what you think, so she knows.''

He sits up and looks at me. He gives me a smile before standing up.

''You're right, thanks Jordi.''

He leaves not before getting pushed by Dash on his way in.

''Sorry man.'' Dash mutters to Leo.

Leo let's Dash know it's okay and is on his way in no time.

''Yo, Liv's mad, you might wanna go see her.''

''How mad?'' I ask standing up.

''I don't know, everyone's staying clear from her though.''

''Alright,'' I walk to the door, ''wish me luck.'' I say over my shoulder.

I hear Dash laugh as I'm walking down to Livia's room.

(Livia's POV)

I hear the door open and look up to see Jordi. Without saying anything, he closes the door and comes and sits down next to me on the bed. I stare down at my hands trying to hide the tears that I've been crying.

''Leo's talking to Emma.''

He grabs my hand in his and rubs circles on it with his thumb. It relaxes me and I start counting my breaths.

''Emma will get better Livia.''

I just nod my head in response. I have no idea what to say. Emma wasn't okay and no one was doing anything about it.

''Everything I said, she acted like it was nothing.'' I croak.

''She'll understand one day, she's just...not ready to right now.''

I look him in the eyes trying to understand.

''Is this what people do Jordi, leave?''

''Not forever, no.''

I shake my head and look down at our hands. They were together, but eventually would part.

''What happens then? What happens when they leave?''

''They find their way back to you.''

''What if they don't?''

''Then it wasn't suppose to happen.''

I look up at him and his deep brown eyes stare back into mine. I hold his hand tighter wishing he would never leave. I lean over and give him a kiss on his cheek.

''I'll always find my way back to you.'' He says.

I smile and this time lean over and give him a kiss on his lips. He looks at me seriously, and I shiver under his stare. His breathing starts to become heavier.

''Livia...'' He starts.

He pulls me into him and his lips find mine. His hands go to the small of my back, and he pulls me on his lap. I wrap my legs around his stomach and pull him closer to me by his neck. His hands slip under my shirt and stop at the skin above my hips. He presses his body closer to mine and my heart races. His lips move down to my neck and I almost shriek. My hands slip under his shirt and I let my hands rest on his bare chest. He puts his hands on my back again and lays me down on the bed. His hands start at my hips and move down my legs slowly. I bite my lip trying not to make any sound. I watch him as he takes off his shirt, throwing it to the ground. He lips meet mine again, his hands on the hem of my shirt. He tugs at it slowly and lifts it over my head. I don't move not knowing what to do. His finger traces my collarbone. He puts his slips his hands under me and he slowly moves them up my back. His hands stop at my bra. I grab his neck and pull him down on me, wanting to forget everything and only knowing him and his touch. He starts trying to unhook my bra. Both mine and Jordi's breathing gets heavier. His lips are trailing down to my chest when there's a pounding on the door. Immediately I push Jordi off me and put my shirt back on. I smooth out my hair with my hands and run over to the door. I grab Jordi's shirt that was on the floor and throw it at him. I open the door to a distraught Kara.

''Hunter's leaving. He just told me.''

''Kara I'm... so sorry.''

''I need to get out of here, I need to go.'' She says tears running down her face.

''Kara wait.''

''I'm fine, cover for me.''

She turns and walks away from me, and I have an urge to call out for her. To make her stop, but I know it won't work. Kara needed space, something I'm never good at giving. I always had to be with someone, and being alone terrified me. I turn back to Jordi and lay back down on the bed staring up at the ceiling. He leans over me looking into my eyes.

''Hunter's leaving now, he just told Kara.''

Jordi's eyes move to my lips while he nods.

''Looks like all the couples are having a great day.''

''We are.'' He adds.

''Yea, for how long?''

''What do you mean Livia?''

''I mean, eventually you'll leave me, or I'll leave you. We're no different from the rest of our friends.''

He stares down at me moving his hand up to my cheek.

''What do you want from me Livia.''

''Some security. I want to know you care... and.. we could be different.''

''We are.'' He says leaning in closer to me.

I look at his eyes, and I see the truth. He gets up and walks to the door.

''Jordi, wait. Don't go.'' I whimper.

I stand up and almost run into him. I pull him down into me by his neck, his lips meeting mine. I press my body against him, moving my lips to his neck.

''Don't go... don't go..'' I mumble against him.

My heart beat starts to go faster and faster. I take the bottom of his shirt and lift it over him throwing it to the floor. He does the same to me. I let my hands move up and down his chest stopping again at his pants buckle. I fidget with the buckle and this time, Jordi doesn't make a move to stop. He steps out of them and soon lets his hands travel to my pants, unbuckling them. I step out of them, not stopping our kiss in the process. He leads me towards the bed and falls on top of me. His lips moving down from my chest to my stomach. His hands go to my back and unbuckle my bra. Before he does anything else he looks at me.

''Livia, are you sure?''

''I don't know...'' I stammer.

Jordi doesn't seem upset. He just kisses down my neck up to my lips again.

''It's okay...'' He whispers.

His hands move back to my bra, and he hooks it back together.

''I'm sorry.''

''It's okay...'' He mumbles against my neck.

(Leo's POV)

I stood stunned in Emma's room. I had tried to talk to her, but she completely ignored everything I said. She left, breaking up with me in the end. I wanted to chase her and get her back, but she was gone. I didn't know when I would see her again. I turn and look into the hallway seeing Kara storming away. I chase after her into an elevator.

''I'm leaving. I need air.'' She states.

''Can I come?'' I ask.

The doors open and she's walking off. I stand unsure if it was a yes or a no.

''Come on, catch up.''

I chase after her, trying to forget about Emma.

(Time Skip)

Kara sits in my lap in a heated make out session. She moves her hands to my pants, unbuckling them. She doesn't mind my leg, and at that moment I'm not thinking about Emma. I'm thinking about Kara, and her lips. I get this urge to tell Emma I'm sorry, but I ignore it. She left me, she dumped me. This isn't my fault. I asked her and begged her not to go.

''Don't go.'' I whisper against Kara's lips.

Don't go, don't go, don't go.

**_I want to make this very clear... Livia and Jordi DID NOT do the dirty deed. Kara and Leo, however, like in the show did. It's important to CLEARLY know the difference later on in the story. Anyway thanks for reading! Love ya guys!_**


	24. Without You

_**Author's Note: Okay, I just can't help writing now. I love to do it and see everything that goes on with my story. This is just….awesome. Thank you guys, I really appreciate everything. **_

(Livia's POV)

''Jordi I'm...sorry... I just...'' I stammer.

He's over me kissing my neck making me want to hide. I had just denied him and I don't know why.

''Livia, it's okay...really.'' He mumbled.

He stops and looks at my eyes, he gives me a smile and I can't help but return the favor. Jordi rolls over off at me and I look over at the window. Night? How did it already get dark out? Jordi retrieved his clothes and slipped them back on. I climbed out of bed searching for the clothes I had thrown earlier. Jordi tosses me my shirt that I slip on and I find my pants. We're both dressed and I walk over to Jordi grabbing his hand in mine at the door.

''Wanna go watch a movie or something with Dash in my room?'' Jordi asks.

I really don't want to. What I want to do is cry and mourn my best friends absence. I wanted to cry for Kara and be able to be with her. I wanted to show Leo it's okay. I can't though, and I need to be able to move forward and not let my anxiety get the best of me if I want to get better. Jordi was just trying to help me get my mind off things, I knew it too.

''Sure.''

He leads me to his room and I flop down onto his bed. Jordi leaves going to go find Dash. I don't mind, it gives me time to think. I stare up at the ceiling waiting for them to come back. I hear their footsteps and look up at the door. They both walk in with surprised looks on their faces.

''Whats up with you two?'' I ask them.

''Leo slept with Kara!'' Dash exclaims.

''Dash...'' I hear Jordi warn.

''What!'' I shout shocked.

''Yea, they went out and then... you know.'' Dash trails off.

I stand up and make my way over closer to them, standing in the middle of the room.

''What about Hunter? Does he know Kara did that?'' I ask.

''Kara broke up with Hunter. He was going to leave but he got a donor. Hunter's in surgery right now.''

''So Kara's out sleeping with Leo while Hunter is in the middle of a life changing surgery. Great.'' I throw my hands up in the air rolling my eyes.

''But Leo didn't do anything to stop it.'' Jordi adds.

''Why would Leo do that? He wouldn't! He knows better! What would Emma do if she found out? He shouldn't be over here cheating on his girlfriend with her friend!'' I rant.

''They broke up.'' Jordi states.

''They what?!''

''Yea, Emma broke up with Leo. Leo had no girl tying him down, it was perfectly morally correct.'' Dash informs.

''Emma wouldn't do that. I know she wouldn't, she didn't mean it. She loves him.'' I murmur.

''She loves him too much.'' Dash mumbles back.

I give him a stern look. I walk closer to him jabbing my finger into his chest.

''You Mister, are going to tell me where the hell Leo and Kara are. And you are not going to say another thing about Emma, got it?'' I demand.

Dash throws his hands up in the air backing away from me.

''I don't want any dirt with you Livia.'' He jokes.

''Then show me where they are.'' I say, not giving up.

I'm interrupted by a distraught Kenji running up to us. I hold my breath, not knowing what to expect.

''Emma's in the emergency room.''

It takes me less than a split second to push past everyone. I'm sprinting to the emergency rooms, terrified of what I'll find. Tears steam down my face as I'm running as fast as I can to Emma. Crying is something I do regularly now.

''Liv wait!'' Dash shouts.

''Livia!'' Jordi bellows.

''Don't. I'm doing this without you!'' I shout behind my shoulder.

I refuse to turn back, I need to see Emma. I make it up to the emergency rooms and I look for a nurse frantically. I see one in the distance and run to catch up to her.

''Hi, I'm looking for Emma Chota, what room is she in?'' I say all in one breath.

''Oh, she's right over there.'' She says pointing a finger at a door nearby.

''Thanks.'' I breath out, running to the door.

I make it and push my way through the door in one swift movement. Emma looks up at me startled and her body tenses up at the sight of me. I let go of the doorknob and walk over to the side of the bed, looking down at her frail body.

''I knew you would come first.'' She smiles at me.

I smile back and reach down and hug her, letting happy tears fall down my face.

''Emma, I'm so sorry.''

''It's not your fault, it's mine.''

''Emma, what happened.''

''Just... the doctors think I did irreversible damage to my heart.''

''No...'' I whisper.

I grab her hand, holding it, afraid that if I hold on too tight, I'd break her.

''We'll get through this.'' I reassure.

There's a knock on the door and we both turn to see Leo.

''Leo!'' Emma exclaims.

I walk over to him and grab his arm tugging him out of the room. I pop my head back in to a confused Emma.

''Give us a minute.''

I turn back at Leo shoving him farther away.

''What do you think you're doing, are you an idiot!'' I whisper shout at him, so no one will hear.

''Livia, I can explain.''

''I don't want to hear it.''

''Livia...''

''Don't.'' I hold up my hand for him to stop.

He stands still obviously upset.

''You're going to walk in there and tell her what you did.'' I state. ''You are going to be her friend, and nothing more. You're leaving me with a broken friend, while you go back home to your parents. I don't want her anymore hurt by you, got it? And if I find out you hurt her... I'll...'' I demand.

''Can I go?'' He asks.

I step out of his way and point to the door.

''Make things right...'' I say in a softer tone.

He looks back at me, with a sad smile.

I walk back downstairs back into my room, alone. I walk around, looking at all the things that clutter my room. After all my efforts, this place really did feel like home.

''Livia.''

Kara stood in my doorway, holding a piece of paper close to her heart.

''Kara...'' I say emotionless.

''Listen, I know you know what I did. I know it was wrong. He gave me his heart...'' She whispers.

''Wait, what? Who?''

''Hunter did, if he dies, I get his heart.''

I don't know how to respond. Instead I pull Kara into my arms, and that's when she starts crying. Her body wracks with her and I can't help but feel bad for her. The boy she loved was in surgery right now, with a promise to give her his heart if he dies, and she repays him with sleeping with another boy.

''I'm a horrible person. Emma is going to hate me. Hunter is going to hate me, if he lives.'' She sobs.

I put her arms length away from me and push her chin up forcing her to look at me.

''You can make it right.'' I simply say.

''I can't, I'm not good like you and her. I...''

''She'll forgive you... I know she will.''

Kara stares at me a little longer before backing away from me and wiping her eyes. Her moment of weakness was gone, and I wouldn't see it again for a long time.

''Okay...'' She whispers, looking down at the paper.

She walks away and I'm left alone again. Today has been a bad day, and I need to talk to someone and fast. I can feel my anxiety taking me over, and I need help. I make my way to Mrs. Harris's office as fast as I can. I knock on the door and enter without even waiting for a response. Mrs. Harris looks stressed, she's staying past her working hours.

''Mrs. Harris, I'm...about...to have a panic...attack.'' I can't breathe.

She wastes no time and comes and stands next to me.

''Livia, listen to me. Focus on your breathing... one..two...three...''

''Today is horrible. Everyone's getting hurt.'' I panic.

''Livia, focus.''

I try to focus on my breathing, in and out, in and out. It only makes me panic more.

''Mrs. Harris I can't...'' I can feel the anxiety closing up my chest. I grip it in pain.

''Livia, please, focus... breathing.''

She grabs hold of my shoulders trying to get me to calm down.

''I'm going to die here.'' I mumble.

''Livia, breath!'' I can hear the panic in her voice now.

My vision blurs and I know I'm about to faint. Mrs. Harris must see it too.

''Livia! I need a doctor!''

I fall back into her arms, losing my balance, grabbing my head in pain.

''Livia, you need to snap out of this.''

I close my eyes, and I can't help but think about everyone. This is my payback, for the pain I've caused and watching the pain around me unfold. This is the pain I had to deal with. If I was meant to die in my therapists arm, I was meant to die. I come to terms with the person I am. Regret washes over me for never saying the things I should of said to the people I love. Darkness swallows me whole, and I do nothing to stop it.

(Mrs. Harris's POV)

Not Livia, not her. She had made so much progress, she can't do this. She lays limp in my arms. She was different than other patients. She looked at the world with a kindness I wish I could see. After everything she's been through, she still continues to amaze the people around her. Not her, she can't leave, not like this. She deserves more.

''Help!'' I shout.

I carefully lay Livia down on the floor checking for breathing. Her chest didn't move, and I heard no breaths. My heartbeat goes faster, I couldn't lose Livia like this. I refused to.

''I'm here!'' Nurse Jackson shouts back.

She looks over at Livia and her eyes go wide. She shoves me out of the way and checks her heartbeat.

''Go get a doctor. Her heartbeat is dangerously low. The stress...''

I take off running, not knowing where to go. I'm running blindly to anyone. Tears well up in my eyes. Why did I care so much? Stop it Emily. I bump into someone. , thank God.

''Come on, no time to explain.''

I grab his hand and start pulling him. He picks up on my running speed and I'm leading the way back to my office. He makes it to the doorway, and immediately starts checking Livia.

''We need a defibrillator!''

Other nurses are storming into my small office, and one has a defibrillator. I watch as her body lay still, and a terrifying thought overcomes me. She could be dead.

''Clear!'' Dr. McAndrew shouts.

I watch as the electric bounces her chest up and down. I cover my hand with my mouth to hide my horror.

''Come on...'' I hear Dr. McAndrew mutter.

He goes at it again, and the fear clenches at my heart. She's dead, there's no getting her back. Livia's gone. I pray, that a miracle occurs. Everyone's silent as Livia lays unresponsive. I turn away before I hear a shout.

''She's breathing!''

I see the slightest movement and my heart skips a beat. Her eyes flutter open and I let out a muffled sigh of relief. She looks panicked for a minute and she pushes herself up off the ground.

''I was dead?'' She asks horrified looking at the defibrillator.

I nod in response. She walks over to me and wraps her arms around me. I embrace her thanking God for the miracle.

''We need to get her a new heart and fast.'' Dr. McAndrew states putting away his equipment.

''We can't do that, not with her stress.'' I say calmly.

''We're going to end up having to take the chance.'' He retorts.

I look at his eyes, no emotions. I was smart enough to become a surgeon, but I couldn't. I was emotional, and became connected to people easily. Their loss, would also be mine.

''I'm going to get approval from her guardians to go ahead with the surgery, she doesn't have time to spare.'' He states.

''Fine, I'll give you a report tomorrow.'' I mutter.

I continue to hold Livia in my arms. She was scared, and she had the right to be. She had faced death, and we had thought she was gone. She pulls away from me and works on her breathing techniques.

''Just a bad day. I'm stronger than before, I can make it through the surgery. Right?''

She looks at me with those gray eyes again. I see hope, and a goodness. I wish to be more like her.

''You are strong. Now go to bed.'' I reply, trying not to sound like a pessimist.

She walks to the door and looks back at me.

''I'm glad you're getting the surgery you need Livia. I really think you are ready.''

She nods, and I watch Livia leave my office again.

(Livia's POV)

I won't tell anyone about this. I'll lie, tell them I was bumped up the donor list. I can't have anyone worrying about me. I wanted no more fear, no more pain for my friends. I make it to my room without anyone noticing my strange disappearance. I find the door to my room wide open, and see Jordi on my bed.

''Sorry, I thought I'd give Leo some alone time.''

''It's fine.'' I say joining him on the bed, intertwining our fingers in the process.

''He's pretty upset, Emma's trying to comfort him.''

''What happened?'' I knew it would be bad.

''His cancers back. How ironic, he was suppose to go home, and now he's staying.'' Jordi shakes his head and lets out a sad laugh.

''Not Leo.'' I mutter.

I get up and step out of my clothes, not caring Jordi's right there. I slip into some yoga pants and a t-shirt and lay down next to Jordi, pulling the covers up to my chin. Without words we get comfortable with each other. His arm wraps around me as I lay facing him.

''Did you hear about Hunter and Kara?'' I ask him.

''No. What?''

''He's giving her his heart, if he dies.''

He pulls me in tighter by my hip, I move my hands to the back of his neck in response.

''I'd do that for you.'' He adds quietly.

''I wouldn't want you to.''

''Why not?''

''I would miss you.''

''Why..'' He pushes.

''Jordi, don't do that.'' I whine.

''Come on, all our friends are in the midst of a tragedy, don't make me one of them.'' He jokes.

''Because I...''

He pulls me in even closer, his body pressed against mine.

''Okay, I just don't want to be without you, is that good enough?'' I mumble.

''Why does it scare you?''

''What?''

''The word. You know _love_.''

I think about the words I want to use. I want to love Jordi. I think I love Jordi, but the thought terrifies me.

''Just...''

I pull his lips down on to mine and leave a lingering kiss. I let my hands rest on his chest and I close my eyes, trying to sleep. His arms wrap around me enveloping me in his warmth. I can feel him lean down closer to me his lips by my ear.

''You'd be strong enough to stand without me.''

''Don't say that.''

A shiver runs down my spine and I pull the covers up even farther. I hear Jordi laugh as I move my way over closer to him, trying to get warm. I was so cold and I just wanted to feel his warmth. There's no space between us, and we can feel each others movements.

''Jordi, is everyone going to be okay?''

''Yes Livia.''

''Are you sure?''

''Life is just confusing sometimes. There are ups and downs, but we get through it. Everyone will turn out fine.''

I think about my near death experience today and the feeling of regret washes over me. What if I were to die right now, never telling Jordi how I feel?

''Jordi..''

''Yes...''

''I like you.'' I couldn't urge myself to say love.

He cups my face in his hands looking into my eyes. He comes closer and our lips meet, we share the most passionate kiss we've ever had.

''I like you too...'' He murmurs against my lips.

(Mrs. Harris's POV)

''Hello is this Livia's mom?''

It was late, but I had to do this.

''Yes, is something wrong?'' She actually sounds worried.

''I was wondering if you could come to a session with Livia, it's really important.''

''I don't know... I don't think I could do that. Her heads been filled with lies about me. I have to build up the courage to face them, ya know?'' She says.

''Mrs. Smith, correct? You're daughter died today, it's a miracle she's alive. You need to make things right with her. You're daughter is an incredible girl, and the pain she's been through isn't fair. You need to be here for her. She needs her mom. It's time for you to step in and take on the role. If you don't I know she'll never forgive you.''

''She did forgive me.''

''Mrs. Smith, she has far from forgiven you. She can't trust you, or have a healthy relationship with you. You've done irreversible damage, you're lucky if she ever does forgive you. What you're doing right now, won't get you that chance. Your daughter needs you, in a way you won't ever be able to truly give. I want to offer my help and try to make things right, for the sake of Livia.''

There's a long silence between us and I'm afraid I've lost her.

''Okay... tell me how to make this right.''


	25. A Mother's Love

_**Author's Note: Hey guys, this chapter is a little different. Livia's mom, Abby, has a story all her own. Today's chapter is what she was doing for the 8 years she abandoned Livia. Her thoughts and actions are not the best, and you will learn the truth about the situation. Hope you enjoy. Shout out to **_dabombbritt _**for her feedback on Livia's mom. Also to **_catluver9999, 4 plus 6 equals fourtris, Kira Tsumi, **_for reading and then reviewing and favoriting my story!_**

(March 8th, 1999 Abby's POV)

I didn't want to be a mother again. I wasn't cut out for the role. My free spirit was now tied down by two more children. Ethan, my oldest, stands next to my hospital bed, waiting to hold his two new twin sisters. Richard wanted kids so badly, I had no choice but to give in. I was proud to have Ethan. He was only one and a half, but you could tell he would grow up to be handsome. He was funny, and much like me in many ways. He was a mama's boy, and I couldn't get enough. This time was different, when I held the girls in my arms I had mixed emotions. Cecilia, had dark auburn hair and a set of deep brown eyes, while Livia, had light blond hair with blue gray eyes to match. I didn't know how to react to either of them. Livia, from the moment she was born, begged for her daddy. Cecilia, would nuzzle up in my arms seeming content. One of the twins liked me, that's all that mattered.

(2003 Abby's POV)

The girls have gotten much bigger, and their personalities have started to show. Livia, was always cleaning up her sister and brothers mess. She wanted things to be in order. Cecilia, was the exact opposite. She had a wild personality, and you never knew what she was going to do next. Her dark auburn hair started to get curly and I would sit on the living room floor and watch her wild curls bounce. Her deep brown eyes showed you the love she had to give. Ethan had dark blond and green eyes he got from his mama. His jokes would fill the room and a smile was always plastered on his face. I often cradled Cecilia and Ethan, they would always want my attention. Livia would bounce on her father's knees, laughing loudly in the process. As they were growing up Livia never cried. She was calm, never really getting into anything. Cecilia would be climbing over her crib, and running around all day long. Ethan, at first did not like his sisters. He would chase them, and scare them. Cecilia would hit his head if he came to close. Livia would sit, looking terrified of her brother. As they got older though, Ethan accepted his new playmates and the three of them were inseparable. They were the three musketeers, and nothing would divide them. They shared a room, because Ethan thought it wasn't fair that his two sisters got to share a room and he was left alone. No one minded and they grew up together closer than anyone would have imagined. Things became harder for me though, I had kids young and my friends still had the social life I desired. I started lying to Richard, saying I had late night work when really I was out with my friends doing the things I wish I had time for. Richard never questioned me and he seemed fine taking care of the kids by himself. He would work during the days, and then I would take care of the kids. At night, I would leave and Richard would take care of his three children. This is how our family worked, and I believed I was in the right. I had made careless mistakes though, sleeping with other guys, and word got around.

(December 23rd, 2003 Abby's POV)

''Where are you going?'' Richard asked one night.

It was a normal day, nothing special had happened. After a long day I needed a break. I had just been invited to go to a club with some of my friends. Our intentions were unclear that night, but I knew it would be us getting drunk and sleeping with any guy that offered. It was late, all the kids were asleep and I figured Richard was too. I was surprised to see him sitting by the door, in the dark this late.

''Work.'' I respond not looking him in the eyes.

''I know you're lying.''

''How could you accuse me of such a thing!''

''I know you're sleeping with Jeff, you're friends told his wife when they were drunk out of their own minds, she told me.''

I gulped not knowing what to say. If I pushed him, he could have more dirt on me. I decided to keep quiet.

''Nothing?'' He asks annoyed.

''I'm not doing this tonight, I have to go.'' I grab my keys and open up the door walking out to my car. I started my car and was surprised to see Richard standing on my driver side window. I rolled it down so I could hear him. Tears ran down his face, and I wanted to laugh. He was the man, he was suppose to show no emotions.

''If you leave here tonight, we're getting a divorce.'' He said letting out a shaky breath.

I rolled the window back up, so he wouldn't hear anything I said. I pulled the car out of the driveway, feeling warm tears streaming down my face. I wanted to scream and tell him I was sorry, that I would change. The words never escaped my lips and I had lost the one person I ever loved. I couldn't change.

(January 2nd, 2003 Abby's POV)

I refused to accept what happened that night in December. Richard didn't talk to me at all, but we pretended nothing happened. The holidays were spent like all the others. It wasn't forever though. Richard was in our room packing, he was actually leaving. He had made arrangements to stay at a friends house until he could find one of his own. The kids were still asleep, but I knew they'd be waking up soon. I sat on the couch holding my head in my hands, trying not to cry. The man I loved was leaving, and I couldn't find it in me to stop it. I heard little feet hitting the ground, and the sound of their bare feet walking on the wood floor. All three of them came out together, and they took one look at me, not knowing what to do. Cecilia and Ethan came over to me and sat on my lap. I wrapped my arms around them holding them tight. Livia came and sat next to me, resting her head on my arm. I felt bad for pushing her away, but she was her daddy's little girl, not mine. I saw Richard walk out of our room, and to the front door. The kids looked between me and their dad. Even at their young ages of 4, and 5, they could see something was wrong.

''Daddy...'' Livia whimpered.

He looked over at his kids, but stayed, putting his shoes on. Livia ran over and grabbed her father's legs and started to cry. Cecilia and Ethan stayed on my lap, but they started crying too.

''Daddy, don't go...'' Livia cried at her father's feet.

''Baby girl, I have to go. I'll come get you guys to visit me at my new house alright?''

''I want you here daddy!'' Livia wailed.

He picked her up and held her in his arms, he swayed with her in his arms, trying to soothe her down. Livia had trouble breathing when she got upset. She was a jumpy girl, afraid of a lot of things. You would never guess though, because when something was scary to her, she showed no emotion. You'd think she was brave.

Cecilia and Ethan sat frozen on my lap, all I could hear were their quiet whimpers. They had loved their father, and he loved them very much, they were too afraid to do anything, almost like if they did do anything it was real. They couldn't take it any longer and ran over to hug their fathers legs. He put Livia down and knelt down so he could hug all of them. He shed no tears.

''Bye my babies.'' He whispered to them.

''I love you!'' I shout at him, new tears falling down my face.

He stared at me with sad eyes, and walked out the door and never walked back into our house again. I stood up and locked myself in my room. No one came to get me. Later that night, I had plans to go out, and I dropped the kids off at my grandparents house. It was the start to a vicious cycle I knew, but I had to leave. That night I had done something I wish I could take back, drugs. I became addicted and there was no stopping me.

(2007 Abby's POV)

One drunk night I stopped over at Richard's house. Things went down and now I'm pregnant with his kid. It was a girl, and I decided her name would be Reese. Maybe I would change for her. I stopped drinking and doing drugs for nine months. I thought when I held her I would change. I didn't, I went back to my old ways when she was only 6 months old. Livia took care of her most of the time. I didn't have to worry. Sometimes I wanted to run and leave all of them. The urge never really went away.

(2008 Livia's POV)

''Where's mom, it's been five days.'' I was worried now, mom would only leave us alone two days at a time.

The past few years have been hard. I remember my mama never checked my take home folder. All my good grades on my spelling tests and multiplication tests were never seen. Sometimes I would cry silently, wishing daddy would come take us away. He never did, only on the weekends.

''I don't know.'' Cecilia whimpered.

''I'm scared.'' Ethan admitted.

My grandma had always told us to call her if mom didn't come home. I dialed her phone number and waited for her to answer. She told me to pack our bags, everything we wanted to bring to her house. She said we would be living with her from now on. I went over to Reese's baby carriage and picked her up. She was only one, and I had been taking care of her for a long time. Mom got too angry, I had to make sure she was okay.

''Come on baby girl, we're going to grandma's.''

I told Cecilia what to pack for Reese, and ourselves. Everything we had fit into our little suitcases. Most of our stuff was at our grandma's already. We stepped out onto the front porch and waited for our grandma. When she came, we had all started crying. I was afraid mom was dead, and I was afraid for Reese, Cecilia, and Ethan. They had loved mom, and needed her in their lives. I had to always act like I was strong for them. I was only 9, but I felt like it was all my fault. This whole thing was my fault, and it was my responsibility to pick up the pieces. We got in the car, I buckled up Reese, and I sat in my own seat and cried.

(2011 Abby's POV)

I had left my kids three years ago. I had hit rock bottom many times these years. I was living in a motel with my new boyfriend. I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. Years of drug and alcohol abuse is starting to show. My skin was turning more yellow, my skin hanged from my bones, my teeth were getting worse, and my hair was thinning out. I know I need help, I just can't seem to want it enough. I wish I could remember all the horrible things I've done, but I can't. Memories have faded away, the only thing I remember is my kids. I know I've been arrested before, and my kids have heard. I knew that they knew what I was doing, and I was never there for them. I watch my boyfriend sleep, tattoos covered his body and his pitch black hair was all over the place. I didn't want to be here anymore. I picked up my phone, and called the only person I knew would answer.

''Hello?'' I hear her cheery voice answer.

''Mom, I need to come home.'' I admit.

''Abby?! Where are you?! Do you need me to come get you?!''

I told her where to find me and I packed up the few of my belongings. I knew she would answer, a mother's love never runs out. After everything I've done, she can still come save me.

Mixed reactions were present when I got to my mother's house. Cecilia and Ethan were very happy to see me hugging me and crying. I had forgotten how much I had missed them. Livia stood a couple feet behind Cecilia, and Ethan, she was holding Reese in her arms. Reese held on tight to her obviously not knowing who I was. She had grown up thinking Livia was her mother, when really I had just left. Livia stood stone faced, showing me no emotion. She was older now, with her dark blue gray eyes that pierced into me. Her hair was long, to the middle of her back, with light curls. Her face had matured and her lips had become fuller. She was still skinny for her age, probably stress. She stood, almost taller than me for only 12 years old. Livia had grown up fast, physically and mentally.

''I'm not staying here if she is.'' She says turning over to her grandma.

''Livia.. we'll talk about this later.'' My mother whispers back.

''No, I already have talked to Dad about it. He said that if she ever came back I could go live with him and his wife. Meadow and Willow share a room, there would be an extra room for me.''

I try to step in.

''Livia, I came back so I could be with my family.''

''You won't change.'' She spits at me.

She turns her back to me refusing to look at me.

''I will never forgive you ever. I hate you for what you did, and I'm not staying here if you are.''

She put Reese down and ran up to her room. Next thing I know she's heading out the door. To her father's car. She doesn't even offer a slight wave. I had run away three years ago, leaving my children, and now one of my own was running away from me.

(2014)

Livia had been visiting on the weekends to see us. She ignored me, and I didn't mind. I ignored her too. I wish I could say I'm getting better, but I'm not. I still use drugs and abuse alcohol. No one acknowledges when I leave and come back drunk. No one acknowledges the scars that are up and down my arm. Everyone wants me better and everyone ignores it. Livia doesn't though, she stares at the scars. She looks at me with disgust in her eyes. She threatens to call the police when I come home drunk. She tells me how wrong I am, but I don't listen. Livia was now in high school, going to the best of schools there was to offer. Livia dived into her schoolwork because it distracted her from her life. She didn't like going back home, I didn't know things were so bad at her dad's house. One day my mother got a call from the police. Livia's dad was dead, and Livia was all alone at the scene. She went to pick her up and soon Livia was back with us. No one said a word to her, but I knew Livia was devastated by her father's suicide. He was her lifeline for many years, and now he was gone. I know what I should of done was to comfort her but I wouldn't. My feelings toward Livia was complicated. She was the mother and I was the daughter. Livia's anxiety got worse as time went on, but I never said anything. This is her suffering she gets for all those years she kept me at arms length. Karma would come her way, either good or bad.

(2015 The night of Livia's admission)

Livia was living in a hospital, her heart and stress had put her there. While the whole house was scrambling to see her, I stayed put. Livia didn't need me before, she didn't need me now. She would always be pushing me away. I went in her room and found a piece of paper lying by her nightstand. I picked it up and stood reading it.

_There's a saying that says a mother's love never runs out_

_My mother never had any love to give_

For some reason this made me upset. Nothing Livia ever said made me upset, just annoyed. This though, made a feeling of shame and guilt washes over me and I hated it. Since when did I ever start acting like this. So I did what I've always done. I called up an ex and headed up to Vegas. I wouldn't hurt Livia if I was away. It never bothered her before I knew it. I never meant anything to her. Or did I? I pushed the thought away and partied like crazy. Livia was in a hospital bed and I was out messing around with this guy I've only known for two days. Seems about fitting for my parenting. I was doing what I always did, so really I wasn't doing anything wrong.


	26. Memory

_**Author's Note: I know you're probably tired of hearing from me, but I'm really trying to crank out these chapters. I cried writing this chapter, and I'm not ashamed to admit that. Happy readings! Remember to leave me your thoughts!**_

(Livia's POV)

Memories never fade away. They always come back to haunt you in ways you never believed possible. I never believed it, I thought I could control my thoughts, I was above this rule. They always find their way back to me though. It haunts my life.

(Time Skip)

''Livia, are you sure you're ready for this?'' Mrs. Harris asks concerned.

I roll my eyes and give her a small little smirk.

''I have to be, considering I'm on the verge of death and all.'' I joke.

''You don't have to do this. She had plenty of opportunities to make things right. You wouldn't be in the wrong if you didn't want to go through with this.''

I think about it for a minute. I didn't want my mom to come back to me, I was living life perfectly fine without her. It wasn't for me though. It was for my brother and sisters. They needed their mom back, and they wouldn't get one until I forgave her. I had to swallow my pride and let her back in.

''Let her in.'' I decide.

Mrs. Harris moves to the door sluggishly and opens it up. My mom was standing walking around trying to look busy. She notices the door now open and comes inside Mrs. Harris's office giving her a smile on the way. My mom sits down in the chair next to me and leans over to give me a hug. I sit stiffly under her arms, not use to her showing me any kind of affection.

''Hi Livia.'' She murmurs against my hair.

I shrug her off me and turn my attention towards Mrs. Harris. I can see my mom giving me a look out of the corner of my eye but I ignore it. She looks at Mrs. Harris, who's staring at us. I sat rigid while my mother was trying to get comfortable. Her baby bump was huge, how far along was she? Four months, five? She was way too big for only five months.

''Alright, I don't want to interfere with you guys, but basically we're having a conversation on your history together. Abby I heard you wanted to talk to Livia about something?'' Mrs. Harris starts leading our conversation.

My mom turns to me, her lip in a stern line. She looked like she was trying to form the right words. I pitied her at that moment, something I have never felt towards her before.

''I wanted to know if you could forgive me.'' She said with a quiet voice.

Moments of silence pass between us. I refuse to look at her, not when she's like this. I can't do it to myself. She was so weak, sitting in front of me. I held power over her. She was always the one over me. She had installed fear, and worry into me. Everything I did, was because of her.

''No..'' I whisper, shaking my head.

''What?'' She says shocked.

''I said no.'' I say louder this time.

She looks at me and tears gleam her eyes.

''Why can't you just forget?'' She says hurt.

''Memories don't just leave. You did that, it doesn't just disappear. Look where I am. Here, in a hospital, because you let me grow up being afraid.'' I say harshly.

''I've changed though.'' She murmurs.

''For who? The baby? That's not something I take lightly. Years, mom, years. I waited years for you to change. I gave up on you changing. Now you throw this at me and expect me to be so happy your here for me. I grew up without you, I don't need you.''

''Then why do you keep letting me back into your life?'' She raises her voice at me.

''Because that's what Ethan needs! That's what Reese needs! That's what Cecilia needs! That's what the baby needs! Can you not see it?!'' I yell.

''That doesn't answer my question.''

I shake my head at her laughing, standing up out of my chair. I look down at her, the shell of the mom I had.

''Because they'll choose me over you.''

She shakes her head no.

''They wouldn't choose.'' She stammers.

''I'm the only reason your still allowed at home. It's up to me what happens to you. The minute you go crazy, is the minute they ask me what to do. I've been strong for you, and I'm not doing it anymore.''

''But I love you Livia.''

''I love you too, but that doesn't mean I like you, or trust you, or need you. You're just a memory, one I can't get over.''

''So that's it!'' She says, throwing her hands in the air. ''You'll never forgive me? That it!'' Tears stream down her face.

''I won't, ever forgive you.'' I spit at her.

I get up and open Mrs. Harris's door, walking out. I slam the door not before hearing Mrs. Harris calling for me.

(Mrs. Harris's POV)

''What now?!'' Abby says hysterically.

''Livia's made her choice. She's ready for the surgery.''

''No, she hasn't...''

''Your relationship with her has never been a concern. She's strong enough now, and I hate to say this, but she did it without you. That's something she'll never forget, or forgive.''

Abby gets up looking uneasy. Anger fills her eyes, she forms her hands into fists at her side. She notices my eyes and relaxes.

''I need to leave.'' She whispers.

''Understandable.'' I simply said.

She gets up out of her chair and grips the doorknob tightly, about to leave.

''Abby.'' She turns, ''Your daughter, is an incredible girl. Try with her.'' I plead.

She doesn't say anything, turning away from me and leaving my office. I hoped for better from her for Livia's sake.

(Abby's POV)

I scramble out of her office, knocking into a young boy in the process.

''Sorry, my bad Miss.'' He says offering me his arm so I can stable myself.

''It's fine.'' I shake him off.

I look up at him, a teenage boy, maybe 16 stands in front of me. His dark brown eyes and hair are stunning, deep. I remember Cecilia telling me about a boyfriend Livia had, Jordi was it?''

''Do you know a Jordi by chance?'' I ask taking a chance.

''I am Jordi.'' He says, looking confused.

''I'm Livia's mom.''

He takes a step back from me, looking upset.

''Listen, I need you to know something.'' I plead.

He stays, listening but still keeping his distance.

''Livia, I've heard her say I love you, about 3 times. Never once was it me, until a couple days ago. I broke her heart.'' I whimper.

He steps a little closer, his eyes softening.

''She loves you, I know it. You changed her, in a way I could never do. You made her better. I'm so sorry I wasn't here for her.''

''She's strong, it was her who wanted to change.''

''Just, make sure you know she loves you, and I love her. Okay?''

''Okay.''

I turn around walking as fast as I could to the exit. Last thing on my mind was Livia.

(Livia's POV)

I sat, face in my pillow, dry eyed. I wanted nothing more than to just waste this day away and forget about it. My mom never helped the memories go away, she just made me think of them again. I couldn't do that. Not when my surgery was soon coming, I needed to stay sane.

''Livia?''

Jordi walks over plopping down on the bed next to me.

''Hmm?'' I mumble.

''I met your mom.'' He states.

I stay silent, waiting for him to continue.

''She wanted you to know she loves you.''

''Yea I know. Mom of the year.'' I exaggerate.

''Livia?''

''What?''

I turn to face him, focusing all my attention on him.

''I love you.'' He whispers.

Terror freezes my body. His lips brush against mine as he says it again.

''I love you Livia.''

''No, you can't!'' I shout.

''I do.'' He says calmly, even though I was freaking out.

''No!''

I stand up pushing the hair out of my face. No, no, no. He can't love me because I love him.

''You can't!'' I cry.

Memories flood my mind. Everyone I've loved, I've hurt. Jordi gets up, meeting me, standing by my mirror.

''Livia, you can't push the feeling away. I'm not going away! I'm not leaving!''

''You will!'' I shout back.

He grabs my hips pulling me into him. I start shaking.

''Everyone I've loved has gotten hurt! You can't!'' I say pushing him away.

''Livia, I don't have a choice. I love you!'' He shouts back.

''Get out.'' I shutter.

I hug my arms across my chest trying to hide from his eyes.

''What..'' He says shocked.

''I don't want you here right now! I can't love you Jordi!'' I cry.

''So that's it! You send me away when things get hard!''

''Go!'' I shout, my voice more stern this time. I point my finger towards the door.

He storms out muttering to himself. I can see the anger in him as he leaves, slamming my door. Once he does, I fall to the floor and scream. My chest heaves with my cries, I can't breath. My chest aches, and I can feel my world disappearing. The world spins, I lay trying to take control. A pain spreads from my chest to my whole body, it's unbearable. I can't move, I'm stuck here. I would die.

(Two Hours Later)

I laid on the floor for hours, waiting for a nurse to come and check on me. They always did right before bed. I closed my eyes, and waited. I heard a scream followed by heavy footsteps. I tried to look up at who was saving my life but I couldn't.

''Nurse Jackson! Get Dr. McAndrew quick!'' Nurse Brittany screamed.

''Thank you...'' I croak.

She checks my vitals and I can tell by her foul language I'm not doing good.

''Get out of the way.'' Dr. McAndrew yells.

A stretcher gets pulled into the room, and I'm placed carefully on it.

''Call her family!'' I hear Nurse Jackson yell.

''Prep her for surgery! Fast!'' Dr. McAndrew instructs.

''We're losing her.'' Nurse Kenji yells.

My vision was fading and I knew it was time for me to let go. I stopped fighting and stepped into the darkness.

(Dash's POV)

''She has no heartbeat!'' I hear Nurse Jackson scream.

I try to notice who it is, nurses crowd whoever it is as they're clinging onto life. I step closer, seeing an opening between people. I step over and look past everyone. My heart stops. Livia.

''She's gone! She gone!'' I hear Nurse Kenji yell.

''No, Liv, you can't die.'' I whisper, tears threatening to fall over.

''We can still save her!'' shouts.

''Give it up Doctor!'' Nurse Brittany yells.

''Prep her for surgery anyway!'' He begs.

They do as they're told and I watch Livia being taken away. She's dead. I take off running towards the Swamp, everyone was there. Even Kara, after the death of Hunter. I make it and run through the door, getting everyone's attention. Tears run down my face now, and everyone notices.

''Livia... she's...'' I start.

Jordi stands up, scared.

''No..''

Everyone stands, Kara and Emma look between each other. Leo gets out of his faze and stands too, more tears falling down.

''She's dead.'' I blurt out.

I hear Emma's high pitched cry as she falls down onto the ground. Her hands cover her face and her body wracks as she cries harder. Kara falls down next to her, crying holding onto Emma. Leo looks horrified, turning towards the wall again. First his cancer's back, now this. Jordi grabs onto his bed for support. He cries silently, and starts shaking.

''She can't be dead! She can't just be a memory!'' He shouts.

''Livia!'' Emma screams.

''Not Livia, not Livia, not Hunter, not Hunter. Please God don't take them both away.'' Kara cries.

All of us hear people shouting and running. We turn to see Livia's family, running frantically to a nurse. We can't hear anything they're saying but we can see their reaction. Nurse Jackson explains everything, and the scene is horrid. Everyone cries, some fall to the floor. The worst is seeing the little girl start screaming for Livia. Saying she wants her home. She was dead.

(Livia's POV)

''Hunter?''

He stands in front of me in all black. Nodding his head at my arrival. I'm back in the same room where I met Charlie.

''Livia, I really wish I didn't have to see you here.'' He adds sadly.

''What happened.''

He looks at me with a sad smile. I look down at myself, I'm wearing a black top, with black pants that are white at the bottoms.

''Am I dead?'' I shout.

''On your way to it.'' He answers.

I fall in a heap, mourning my own death. A bright light shines down from the top of the staircase.

''We have unfinished business here though. We can't leave yet.'' He whispers.

I look up and see images flashing before my eyes. It was me, my life, growing up. I laugh, and cry at the pictures. I was only a memory now.


	27. Nothing

_**Author's Note: Okay, so some of you guys have been mad at me due to the fact Livia might be dead. I'm sorry to have upset you, but there's more to the story so bear with me. Anyway, enjoy!**_

''What are we now, nothing?'' I ask Hunter.

We both sit cross legged on the floor. He's been filling me in on this whole idea of being dead. We have business to take care of, him with Kara, and me with the people I love. Just thinking of Jordi makes me chest ache. He told me he loved me and I broke down. Now I'll never be able to say it back.

''You still have a chance you know.'' He adds.

''How?''

''They did the surgery on you anyway. The heart could start beating at anytime. Right now, you're living off a machine.''

''I didn't know death was so complicated!'' I complain rolling my eyes.

''Death and life are both complicated.'' He retorts.

''So what are we suppose to do now?'' I question.

''Wait, Kara's going into surgery now.''

''Are we going to get to see her!'' I squeal.

''I'm going to, not you.''

''What! She matters to me too you know!''

''This is my last chance to see her! You could live you know!'' He shouts.

I stand up off the floor and step back from him.

''Fine, have your time with her.''

''Livia...'' He starts, getting up trying to follow me.

I put my hand up signaling him to stop.

''I get it, I know what it's like to love someone and then be taken away from them. I know.''

I give him a small smile to let him know I'm fine with it.

''So can I go anywhere else?'' I asked.

''Anywhere you want.''

''The hospital?''

''Yep.''

''How do I get there?''

''Just think about it.''

I turn my back to him and run down the long white hallway, I push through the familiar doors and I'm back in the hospital. No one notices me, or maybe no one can see me. I take off running to Emma's room, knowing she'd be in there. When I get there I see Jordi, Dash and Emma sitting in the room talking. I push my way to them and sit down next to Jordi on the couch. He shivers and continues to speak.

''I can't believe it...'' He says shaking his head.

''She could still survive Jordi, she's not dead yet.'' Emma whispers.

''She was always a fighter.''Dash adds.

''The doctors are telling her family the chances of her living. They want to take her off the machines to see if her new heart could beat on it's own.''

I place my hand on his wishing to feel the same warmth I use to.

''Jordi are you okay?''

He turns away from her, looking right through me. I see his eyes forming tears, and I want to do nothing more than to hold him. He reach my hand out and touch his cheek a lump forming in my throat.

''I love you Jordi.''

Tears slip down his cheek, and I move closer to him, kissing his lips. Nothing. He sits unfazed.

''You know what I believe Jordi?'' Emma speaks up.

Jordi stays quiet.

''I think Livia will always be here, with us. Her spirit was so strong.'' She says with hope.

''She use to say she believed in that too. She was saying how she could feel her dad with her.'' Dash backs Emma up.

I wish I could show them a sign, anything to show them I'm here.

''Right Livia!'' Emma calls out.

I move to a picture on Emma's desk, it's us on the day of the dance. I try to pick it up, but I can't. I use all my might and the picture turns down. Emma notices the picture and a smile spreads across her face.

''Livia.. she's always here. She'll find a way.'' She smiles.

Jordi stands up and grabs the picture I knocked over. He puts it back in it's place and walks out of the room without a word.

''He's upset Livia. He misses you, just like everyone else.'' She whispers.

She places her head in her hands, trying not to cry. Dash wraps his arm around her, trying to comfort her.

''I'll tell myself anything to think you're here with me right now.''

''Emma... Dash...'' I call out.

They don't hear me. They won't ever hear me, and there was nothing I could do about it.

''I miss you Livia. Please find your way back to me.'' She says looking up at thin air.

I can't take it anymore, I turn running through the hospital afraid of what I'll see. I make it to my room and run in. The sight I see makes me cry out. I use my hand to muffle the scream that escaped my lips. I walk out to my bed. There I lay, machines hooked up to me, a steady heart beat following. My eyes are closed, and my hair laid around my head, the sun shining on it. My hair shined a pale yellow, and my face glowed. I looked so alive, more than I ever have before. She was me, but she was so much more than I though she could be. I walked over to the side of the bed and put my hand over my own. I leaned down, and planted a kiss on her forehead.

''I'm sorry Livia.'' I say out loud.

I sit on the edge of the bed looking at myself. I'm in there I know it. Throughout the day people come and go to check on me. My family stops by one at a time. They hold my hand saying nothing. My grandma is the only one that speaks.

''I know you're in there Livia. Tell me what to do.'' She croaks.

She reaches a hand over and moves a piece of hair out of my face.

''You know Reese misses you. I told her you're talking to the angels, waiting to see if you're going to stay with them or come back home. You know what she said? She said she wants you to come home, but she'd be happy for you either way. I almost cried on the spot.'' She lets out a small laugh.

She leans down and lifts my hand up, giving my hand a small kiss.

''Livia, you look so alive, so young, so pretty, so happy...'' She trails off.

Her tears fall down onto the mattress making me start to cry too.

''We're going to take you off life support. I just needed to see you, and you look happy. That's all I want.''

She starts crying and takes my face in both her hands. She plants a kiss on my forehead and walks out, trying to wipe away her tears. I decide to go to the roof, one last time before I have to go back to the place where I am nothing. I take the familiar steps up to the top. I see Jordi, sitting, looking at the skyline. I walk up next to him and sit down, putting my hands in his hair.

''This was your favorite place...'' He whispers.

I lean in and kiss his neck, but he stays tense, he doesn't melt into me anymore.

''I can't stay here Livia. Not in this hospital. I feel your presence everywhere. Your spirit, likes its following me.''

He can feel that I'm here?

''My grandma came, we decided to go back to Mexico.''

''I don't want you to go... but I know you have to.'' I murmur against his skin.

I know he can't hear me, but I have to say the words or regret never saying them.

''I'm sorry I never said it back to you. I was so afraid, I'm so sorry Jordi, for everything I've put you through.''

I look at his eyes one last time before closing my own.

''I can't stay either.'' I whisper.

I stop thinking of the place, it's gone to me. I keep my eyes closed and when I open them again I'm back in the white room. I let out a shaky breath before walking back towards the stairs. Hunter's walking up the stairs, alone. Kara must have just left.

''Hunter!'' I yell out to him.

He turns, looking at me raising his eyebrows.

''Where you going!?'' I shout.

''Up there!'' He points up the big ray of light.

''Where do I go?!'' I ask panicked.

''It's up to you!''

He turns back around and I don't see him again. I call out for him, but he doesn't call back. He doesn't do anything, he's gone, and now I'm terrified of being here alone in this place.

''Where do I go?'' I whisper to myself.

(Mrs. Harris's POV)

I should of let her go to surgery later. I stared down at Livia words not coming past my lips. How do I tell someone it's all my fault they were dying? What am I suppose to say? How do I face her family? It was my fault she was dying, my fault her life is being cut short.

''I'm sorry Livia.'' I whisper.

She looks content, at peace. I smile at her, even when she was on the verge of dying, she found something to be happy about.

''Never change Livia.''

I walk out knowing this could be the last time I see her breathing. I prayed it wouldn't be.

(Jordi's POV)

My abuela finally came up to find me. When she did I was in a poor state. I was alone and scared and heart broken. I loved Livia, with all my heart, and now she was leaving me. My grandma was sitting with me in my room when she finally took my hand in hers and looked me in the eyes.

''You're very sad, what happened my boy?''

''I lost someone I loved.''

''My boy...'' She gives my hand a squeeze.

''I don't feel like talking about it.'' I state.

''At least tell me her name...''

''It's Livia, and you would of loved her.''

''Maybe I'll get to meet her. You have to keep praying.''

I stood up not wanting to talk about Livia anymore.

''I'm going to visit her.''

''I want to come with.''

She gets up and follows me to the door.

''No abuela, I want to do this alone.''

''No Jordi, I get to meet this girlfriend of yours.''

She has a stern look on her face, and I know from years of experience, that she wasn't going to change her mind. I let out a loud sigh before heading out the door and my grandma walking at my side. We make it to her room and I go silent. I walk over to Livia, leaning down and brushing her lips against mine. My grandma immediately walked up next to Livia and took her hand. She closed her eyes mumbling to herself.

''She has a strong spirit, and a big heart.'' She says opening her eyes.

''Yea, I noticed that too.''

My abuela smiled at me and looked down at Livia, brushing her hair out of her face.

''She's very pretty.''

''Yea, I think so too.'' I smile down at Livia. She looks like she's at peace.

''Do you feel her spirit with you?''

''Yes.'' I admit.

''We're staying here, she's not ready to leave.'' My abuela says, walking out of the room.

''Are you leaving me?'' I whisper by Livia's ear, grabbing her hand tight.

I give her hand one last squeeze before walking out. I can't stay in that room for too long, it just breaks me down. Seeing her laying there, looking so peaceful, almost makes me think like she accepts death. I don't want her to, I want her here. I'm about to walk out when someone bumps into me at the door. I automatically apologize then I realize it's Livia's mom. She looks like she's living in a daze. Like she doesn't know what's real or what's not.

''Sorry..'' She mumbles.

Once she notices who I am her eyes widen.

''Is she...?'' She can't even finish her sentence before breaking down.

She falls into my arms and I don't know what to do. She quickly pulls away from me and walks over to Livia.

''She looks happy...'' She whispers.

''Yea...''

''We're taking her off life support today.'' She cries.

''I know.'' I murmur.

''I never thanked you before. You kept her safe, or made her feel safe.'' She says looking at her daughter.

I stayed silent, not knowing what Livia would want me to do.

''I wouldn't blame you if you hate me. I don't blame Livia.''

''I don't know you, I can't hate you.'' I state.

She looks at me, her eyes look into mine, but then she closes them. She shakes her head as silent tears fall down her cheeks. Her hand goes to her stomach rubbing it gently.

''You would of had a great big sister.'' She mumbles to her stomach.

''She has a great big sister.'' I retort.

She looks back up at me, turns around and kisses Livia's cheek.

''Bye my strong girl.''

She walks out covering her face with her hands.

I stay back and watch Dr. McAndrew approach her. She signs a piece of paper, and walks away, obviously hysterical. Dr. McAndrew walks in and notices me.

''She's...''

I cut him off before he can finish.

''I know, I want to be here.'' I state.

He nods and takes out all the IV'S out of Livia's arms, he takes away all the machines and all that's left is Livia. He puts his stethoscope up to her chest and listens.

''Her heartbeat is slowing, it should be soon now.'' He says looking down at the floor.

My lower lip begins to tremble and I allow myself to cry. I hurl my body over Livia's sobbing uncontrollably. She was dying, leaving me with nothing...

''I can't watch you die Livia.'' I push past Livia's family that now filled the room and ran away.

(Livia's POV)

''What do I do now Livia?'' I whisper to myself.

I saw two paths unfold before me. One, was death and I watched my family at my funeral. Tears were shed, and cries were heard. I watched Jordi, Leo, Emma, Kara, Charlie, Dash, Mrs. Harris, Nurse Jackson, Nurse Brittany, and Nurse Kenji attend, sitting in all black. Jordi sat emotionless, and rigid. Emma was hysterical along with Kara. Leo cried silently with Dash and Charlie watched the horror unravel. My mother, was no where to be seen. I got up and started walking towards death itself. My father stood tall by death, handing his hand out to me. I grab it smiling up at him, wishing to be with him again. My clothes started turning into all black except for the very bottom of my jeans. Then another option appeared, life. I took my hand away from my fathers and walked closer to life. I watched myself wake up and my family cry of joy. I watched Nurse's hollering for Dr. McAndrew, running and telling everyone. I also see my mother, disappearing farther away from me. The choice was mine to make.

''Death is easier.'' I muttered.

I watched Jordi smiling at me when I saw him, live and well. I watched Reese jump up and down thanking me for coming home. Everyone was surprised, telling me I was dead.

''But life, is still meant to be lived.'' I whisper.

I turn back towards my dad and watch him and death disappear. I step closer and closer to life. The darkness of my clothes fade away, the black disappearing into thing air. I'm wearing all white, and I step into life, full force ahead.

(Cecilia's POV)

We sat around Livia waiting for her final breath. I watched my twin sister go through so much, she was a fighter, I never thought I'd see this day. Tears are just another part of this scene, no one says anything about them. I hold Reese in my lap, trying to stay strong for her. Livia was gone, and now I had to fill her place. Someone needed to be strong, and it destroyed Livia.

''I'm going to miss her.'' Reese whispers.

We all stay silent, looking at the ground, waiting for death's grasp to take Livia away. It was so silent you could hear a pin drop. All of a sudden Livia gasps sitting up straight in her bed looking around at all of us. Everyone stares at her wide eyed as she continues to breath for air.

''Livia!'' Reese jumps off my lap and jumps onto Livia's bed hugging her tightly. Livia smiles and drapes one arm around Reese's back.

''My girl.'' My grandma wails a smile plastering her face. We all gather around hugging Livia, holding on tight, making sure to never let her go. Nurse Jackson walks in with her jaw dropped.

''She's alive!'' She shouts.

She comes over and looks down at a breathing Livia.

''Doctor!'' She yells running out of the room.

Dr. McAndrew comes running into the room and once he sees Livia a smile goes across his face.

''You made it!'' He enthuses.

''Yep.'' She retorts.

''Everyone she needs space.'' He adds.

We back away from Livia.

''Let's give her some time alone with her friends.'' My grandma adds.

We all walk out, smiling at each other like clowns. Livia was okay. Livia was herself. She was alive.

(Livia's POV)

''I'll tell your friends.'' Dr. McAndrew adds before leaving me.

I knew I had chosen the right thing. To live. I hear my friends running down the hall to see me. Emma comes in first and relief fills her face. Everyone piles on me hugging me, and telling me how they knew I would live. After we spent time seeing each other and shedding a few tears we talk about normal stuff.

''Where's Jordi?'' I ask.

''He go the surgery, he wanted to distract himself. He didn't want to be here if you died. He's recovering now.'' Leo states.

''Oh.. when will he be able to visit.''

''We don't know, he's just sleeping in our room.'' Leo adds.

''Make sure to tell him I'm okay.'' I add with a yawn.

''We'll let you get some rest. Meet us on the roof later tonight okay?''

I give them a nod and they file out of my room. I try to sleep but I can't. All I can think about is Jordi. I close my eyes anyway, waiting for sleep. After and hour of this I decide to just go see Jordi. I roll out of bed and start walking to the swamp. I make my way down there and I see an old women sitting by Jordi as he sleeps. I walk over to the door frame and knock lightly. She looks up at me and starts making her way to me.

''So you are the girl my boy loves.''

I blush under her stare, not sure what to say.

''I'm his grandma.'' She states.

''I'm Livia, his girlfriend.''

I extend my hand out but she just looks down at it.

''I know who you are.'' She retorts.

I keep my hand out, not sure if she's mad at me or what. She takes my hand and pulls me into a hug. I hug her back, not even knowing her well.

''I knew you had a strong spirit.'' She whispers.

We pull apart from each other and look down at Jordi.

''He's been so upset without you. He loves you.'' She says looking deep into my eyes.

''I'm sorry.'' I apologize.

She looks at me and laughs.

''Don't apologize. Love is a crazy thing, no one can control it. I know you love my grandson too.'' She says with a smirk.

''It's scary.'' I admit.

''Fighting it is harder Livia, let yourself fall in love with him. He's a good boy. He'll love you with all his heart and more.''

''What happens if I fall too hard.''

''Then someone else will come to catch you. Jordi won't leave you though, he's a good man.''

''He's too good for me. He deserves someone better than me.''

''No. You deserve each other.''

I look at her and smile, my face glowing. Now all I had to do was accept the fact I wasn't nothing and I could fall in love as crazy as it sounded.


	28. Dream

_**Author's Note: Thanks to **__dabombbritt__** and **__catluver9999__** for their wonderful reviews. It always makes my day to see what you guys think! Keep it up! Here's a new chapter for you! Now I have a serious question. Would you rather me make this story a two series book, or just write it all down in one place? Please tell me what you think, I needs to know!**_

I waited for Jordi to wake up that night but he never did. I left telling Jordi's grandma, Alma, that I'd be back in the morning to see how he was.

''Honey.'' Alma says looking at me as I'm leaving.

I stare back at her, waiting for her to speak.

''Don't worry so much.'' She adds sincerely.

''I'll try.''

I walk out of the swamp and back into my own familiar room. A nurse waits for me patiently as I get into bed. She hooks up machienes to me and I give her a questioning stare.

''We want to make sure you'll be okay throughout the night, just a precaution.''

''Oh...''

''You'll be fine sweetie, you'll get to go home soon!''

I never really thought about going home. There was no other reason for me to be here, once I healed I could leave. The nurse walked out of the room wishing me a goodnight. Another night here meant another night closer to leaving. I didn't know if I was happy or upset. I let out a deep breath and placed my hand over my heart. It was a steady beat... da dum...da dum...da dum...I just closed my eyes, listening to my heartbeat.

(Time Skip)

I wake up in the morning feeling refreshed. I took deep breaths in just because it didn't hurt me to do it anymore. I jumped out of bed and the first thing I did was go to Mrs. Harris's office. I opened the door and found her sitting there, startled by my appearance. She stands up a smile breaking across her face.

''Livia!''

I openly embrace her, letting a smile break across my face too. I pull away from her, placing my hands on her shoulders and look her in the eye.

''I never thanked you, for getting me here I mean. You wouldn't give up on me, and I can't express how grateful I am to have had you in my life.''

She looks at me with glossy eyes and pulls me back into her.

''You're going to do great things Livia, I know it. You'll visit me right?''

''Well I'm not gone yet Mrs. Harris.'' I joke.

I hear her let out a small chuckle before pulling away from me and grabbing some paperwork.

''You might be out of here sooner than you think.'' She says holding up the papers.

''When?''

''You could be leaving within two days if you're lucky. We just have to make sure you're recovering probably from surgery.''

She walks out the door giving me a smile shaking the papers in her hands. I know I should be excited as she is, but I can't muster up the courage. I'm happy to go home, but sad to leave my hospital bed. What happens to the people here? Jordi comes to my mind and I run down to the swamp as fast as I can. Alma is in there, along with Leo. Their both talking, I watch them throw their heads back laughing as Jordi sits in the middle of them telling jokes I assumed. I can feel heat rise to my cheeks and excitement fills my blood. I stand in the hallway for a little bit, watching Jordi act normal. Alma excuses herself and see walks out of the room, heading somewhere. Leo soon follows and I'm left to just look at Jordi alone. I walked to the open doorframe and knocked on the door with my knuckles.

''Am I allowed in?''

Jordi turns around and the look he gives me is priceless. He stands up grabbing his head.

''You were dead, I saw you dying!''

''No, I'm here Jordi, I'm real.''

I tried to walk over to him but he holds out his hand for me to stop.

''Don't do this to me now. I don't want to see you leave me again.''

''Jordi I'm real.. see? I'm real.'' I wave my arms around to show him.

I move over closer to him, daring to fill in the space between us. I hold his face in my hands and force him to look at me.

''I'm not leaving Jordi.''

''You're a dream.''

I gave him a sad smile and shook my head no. He stares at me for a while, not moving any closer to me. His hands move to hug me, and when he does he lets out a breath.

''You're real.''

He pulls me into him and I feel his lips against mine. We move in sync, there's a feeling we both forgot. He holds on to me tight but then he pulls away suddenly.

''What?'' I ask stepping closer.

He moves farther away from me.

''We can't do this.''

''What?'' I ask getting nervous.

''I'm not doing this with you anymore. I can't put you through this.''

''What the hell are you talking about Jordi?!''

''You know what. You're leaving, and I don't want you coming back here for me. Cause believe it or not I love you, and I think deep down you know that.''

''What does that have to do with anything!?'' I argue.

''Livia, you're better now..'' He takes my hands in his drawing me in close. ''You're going home, where you can live life again. I don't want you coming back here for me. It'll just hurt us both.''

''What are you saying?'' I panic.

He tilts my head and leans down into my lips. I pull him in closer to me, wanting to make this the kiss I remember. I know what's coming next. Jordi pulls away and closes his eyes tight. His hands give mine a final squeeze before dropping them.

''I'm breaking up with you.'' He whispers.

I take no time to turn away from him to hide my tears.

''Fine.'' I spit out.

I storm out of his room ignroing everyone I see. I get into my own room and slam the door. I collapse onto my bed and cry. I had lost Jordi, because he was afraid of hurting me. I cried for a long time, I can't tell you how long I did. Nurse Jackson came in to tell me I was leaving tonight, I had put on a smile for her and hugged her as she congradulated me. When she left, I pulled out my notebook that I had been writing in for a long time now. I wrote down memories and dreams I had. I wrote down the important people in my life and what I thought about the world around me. There was one blank page left, and I knew exactly waht to do. I grabbed my pen and wrote.

(Emma's POV)

Nurse Jackson was checking in on me when she gave me a smile.

''Did Livia tell you the news?''

''No, what?''

''She gets to go home!'' Nurse Jackson squeals.

''Oh my gosh really! Aw, that's good for her!''

I'm proud of Livia's strength through everything she's been through. She's a strong spirit and I'm so happy for her. I know she'll probably want to say goodbye individually so I'll wait for her to come.

(Livia's POV)

I finish up the last page in the notebook, I put it away and walk out to Emma's room. I plan on saying goodbye since my family is already in my room packing up my things to bring home. I make it to Emma's room and I can already tell she knows the news. She looks thrilled for me. I match her attitude afraid of telling her about Jordi. She hugs me, congradulating me. We spend a lot of time talking and laughing with each other.

''Promise to visit.'' She declares.

''I promise.'' I laugh.

I knew that this wouldn't be the last time I saw Emma, so I wasn't so upset.

''We'll see each other soon.'' I whisper as we give our hugs goodbye.

''I know, you'll find your way back to us.''

I slip out of her room before I start crying, which I know I'll probably be doing that a lot. I make my way over to Dash's room next. I make it in there and I don't even bother covering everything up with a smile. I sit down next to him on his bed and he looks at me waiting for me to start.

''Jordi broke up with me because I'm leaving today.''

I feel his arm wrap around me, and I rest my head on his shoulder, allowing myself to be comfoted.

''You're always here for me, being a good friend to me Dash.''

''You've been there for me Liv, I'm just returning the favor.''

''I'll visit, okay? We have each others numbers and everything, so I'll text you.''

''I know you'll come back.'' He states.

''I owe you Dash, for starting everything with me.''

''No, you don't owe me anything.'' He laughs.

I lean over and give him a light kiss on the lips as a goodbye.

''Thank you Dash.''

I walk myself out, not being good at saying goodbye. Next is Kara and Charlie. I make it to their room and I'm greeted by one of Kara's rants. She's talking on the phone with someone, so I ignore it and walk by Charlie.

''You were the strongest, and bravest of us all Charlie. Carry that through life, and always keep fighting.'' I whisper, pecking his cheek in the process.

''What's up Liv?'' Kara turns her attention to me.

''I'm leaving, I came to say goodbye for now.''

Kara rushes over to me and pulls me into a hug. We stand there silent for a long time, holding each other tight.

''Go live you're dreams Livia.'' She whispers by my ear. ''Visit soon.''

I nod my head in response, and she signals me to leave. I do, and I bump into Leo in the hallway.

''Jordi told me.'' He blurts.

''I'm fine, were you coming to see me?''

''Yea.''

''Good hearted Leo. I'm going to miss you.''

I pull him into a hug and hold on tight.

''Make sure no one does anything stupid while I'm gone.'' I tell him.

''Can't make any promises.''

I smile at him and look down at my wrist, the band that dangles is still intact.

''Thanks for this brotherhood.'' I say holding up my wrist.

''Thanks for being in it.''

I rub the bracelet inbetween my fingers, trying to find the right words to express it's meaning.

''You know, I hope one day I can have you're courage.'' I say looking down at my band.

I feel him pull me into another hug, and this time I cry. Leo was always the leader, and I felt like he was the one who should be leaving not me. He pulled away from me and shifts his gaze behind me.

''Looks like you're ready to go.''

I turn around and see my family standing, waiting for me. They must have packed everything already. I turn back to Leo and extend my hand.

''Thanks for everything.'' I say teary eyed.

He shakes my hand, I let go running into my room, with my familys eyes peering into me. I grab my notebook from my hiding place and run back out to my family.

''I have to do something, you can wait in the car.''

I run back over to the swamp, noticing an empty room. I place the notebook on Jordi's bed, and my hand goes to my necklace. I wasn't ready to give it up. I walk out with a silent tear falling down my face. I'm joined by my family and we walk out to the car. Mrs. Harris wants me to come into regular therapy, which I promise to do with her. Nurse Jackson, Brittany, and Kenji give me hugs goodbye telling me to be safe. Dr. McAndrew gives me a hug and I thank him for saving my life. We get in the car and I stay silent, staring out the window. I watched Ocean Park Hospital disappear out of my life. I wiped away a tear, thinking of all the people I left behind.

(Jordi's POV)

I walk back into my room, after trying to find Livia. Everyone said goodbye to her, but I couldn't find her. I see a notebook sitting on my bed, and there's a pen sticking out on the last page. There's a note, and I can't help but read it.

_I never told you my full story, and I'm sorry for that. I owe you this much though. I never had the strenght to tell you out loud, but I have the strength to write it. I love you. I never thanked you for all you did. You showed me life was hard, but we had family and friends to push through it togther. You were my family here, and my friend. I want to tell you this story because you deserve it. You shared so much with me, and I never returned the favor. It was a lot to write down, but I managed. Take what you want from this story, just always know it's mine. So this is to the girl who was my best friend. The boy who taught me to hear the words others speak. The girl who taught me to be rebellious sometimes. The boy who taught me to lead, when others wouldn't. The boy who taught me wisdom was learned, not taught. And lastly, the boy who taught me how to love. The Red Band Society. _

_-Livia_

I felt my abuela's hand on my shoulder and I turned into her. I cried for her lose, and mine. Livia loved me, she actually loved me. I wanted to run out to her and beg for her to take me back, but I wouldn't. When you love something, you let it go, as painful as it is for me, I have to let Livia go. Livia was a dream come true, but that's all she can be now. A dream.


	29. Alone

_**Author's Note: I hope I didn't get any of you guys angry of Jordi and Livia's breakup. Livia's story is not over yet, so don't give up! Thanks to everyone who keeps reading, and to my **author friend** for the support. **_

(Cecilia's POV)

''Livia...you okay?''

She stares out the window and jumps up by the sound of my voice. She looks startled then looks at me and relaxes.

''Yea I'm fine.''

She wouldn't speak anymore. I turned around in the front seat trying to shake off this feeling. Certainly Livia was excited to come home... wasn't she?

(Livia's POV)

I didn't have the courage to tell my family me and Jordi broke up. Scratch that, Jordi dumped me. I just wanted to be left alone, but I knew I wouldn't be allowed that luxury. It was my first day home and everyone would be wanting to talk to me. It was annoying sometimes living in such a big family. It's then I notice my mom's absence in all this. I ignore it, I was use to her leaving, this was no different. No matter what, she didn't change, and no matter what I can't trust her. The real question was why did everyone else? Cecilia believed any day she would come back. Ethan believed she just needed the space by herself. I didn't though. I hated to admit it, but I always thought of the worst thing my mind could muster up when it came to my mother. If she said she was going out with a friend, I thought she was out drinking. It wasn't healthy, but it's all I know. The worst part to admit is most of the time, I'm right...

(One Month Later)

It's been a month since I've come home from Ocean Park Hospital. I've felt utterly alone although I hate to admit it. My family has been with me every step of the way, except for my mom. She was still gone, and no one knew where she was. Anyway, without my friends I felt like an important piece of me was missing. I wanted to go back, but I couldn't. I couldn't face all my friends after I broke their promises. I was to hard to go back to that place. I knew it was horrible of me, and I deserved their anger towards me, but I couldn't. Reese had relied on me now more than ever. With my mom now gone again Reese fell into a sad state. I acted like I always did towards her, a mother. She was upset after the first few days of me coming back, she tried to do everything on her own. Eventually she let me take over the role I've grown up doing with her. One night she was talking about our mom.

''Why are you my mom Livia?'' Reese asked, staring up at me from her spelling homework.

I look down at her confused. Did she really think I was her mom? She was seven, wasn't that old enough for her to realize? How do I explain to her?

''I'm not your mom Reese, I'm your big sister, you know that.''

''But you do all the things a mom does. My friends tell me how their mommy's check their homework and stuff. That's what you do. Why?''

I tense up not knowing how to put this lightly.

''Our mommy, is...um...sick, and when she's sick I take care of you. Like a mommy substitute.''

I feel horrible for saying it once it slips my mouth. There's no replacing a mom, ever. Reese frowns for a minute not happy with my answer. She looks back up at me.

''So does this mean mommy's sick?''

''Yes, for now.'' I answer immediately.

''Will she get better.''

''Yes.'' I lie, because I have no other words for her.

She starts doing her homework again, happier this time. I knew she missed my mom, but I was kind of hurt. I knew I would never be her mother, but how come everyone loved my mom so much? Was she different when I was gone? Is everyone going to forgive her for leaving this time? What about me? Do I forgive her, even now for what's she done before?

Two weeks pass, from that day with Reese and I haven't felt any better about the situation. I got in touch with Gisella once I got home and she invited me over today. I actually enjoyed her company now that Luke as out of the picture. I really did like her, but she didn't compare to Emma or Kara. No one would ever compare to them. We've been through too much together. They had been my rock in the hardest of times. A pain invades my chest thinking of them. I had made a mess of our friendship. They texted me many times a day, but my responses were automatic. Almost like a computer. They had no meaning or emotion in them. I didn't have the energy to provoke those feelings, and frankly after Jordi broke up with me, I was terrified of feeling. I wanted to feel numb, so the reality wouldn't hit me completely. It was working so far, but at the same time I was robbing myself of any normal life. I walked in through my front door to a quiet atmosphere. I knew right off the bat that something was up, it was never quiet in a house of six.

''Guys?! Anyone home?!'' I shout out.

I'm greeted by nothing as I walk around the house. I look down on the kitchen counter and see a note for me. This must be the explanation.

_Livia,_

_I can't fit this all on a post it note, so I'll have to tell you in person. Meet us at Ocean Park Hospital, we have someone here._

_-Cecilia_

Cecilia was never good at explaining anything in a short number of time. She had scribbled this down no doubt. Her pitiful explanation of the situation left me hazed and confused. The too familiar feeling of anxiety creeps over me. I grab my car keys and I'm out the door faster than I imagined. I start up my car and head the way that feels natural. I was on my way to a hospital, and I never felt more comfortable with the idea. I knew all too well the reality of my actions I had to face when I saw my friends again, but maybe now I wouldn't feel so bad.

(Time Skip)

Cecilia comes running up to me excitement in her eyes. She was obviously giddy, jumping up in down slurring her words. I couldn't understand anything she had just said.

''Cecilia, slow down. What happened?''

''She's back and she had the baby.''

''Mom?!'' I almost shout.

''Yes!'' She squeals.

''Wait, did she have the baby?!'' I wave of emotions hit me. How was I suppose to be acting?

''No, she's about to though! Come on!''

She tugs at my arms and takes off running. I can't help but look over my shoulder, did any of my friends see me? Would I get to see them? Off we ran to my mother who left us. I wasn't excited for our reunion, for all she knew I was dead. I was waiting for this day to come, the arrival of this new sibling of mine. Would my mother take care of him or her, or would I be the mother hen again? I physically shook my head to rid the thoughts, it wasn't important now. My family sat in the waiting room, all smiling. They must think this child is going to fix all our problems. I let out a small laugh. To think people told me I was naive. After hours of waiting a nurse steps out quietly. Everyone stands, but me. I stay planted into my chair, not really caring what this nurse had to see.

''Abby did perfect with the delivery. You guys now have a new baby sister!''

Fantastic, she can be the daughter my mother never had in me, or Cecilia, or Reese! YAY! Was I the only one upset by this?

''So do we get to see her?'' My grandma asks.

''Well, yes, but Abby specifically asked for her daughter. Livia was it?''

I stood up, my attention now focused on the nurse.

''How does she know...'' I stammer.

My grandma takes me by the shoulder pulling me off to the side.

''Don't freak out, I called your mom and told her you lived. Go in there, make things right.'' She stated.

She gave me a little shove towards the door and I walked in with my head hanging low following the nurse.

''Want to hold her?''

I was awaken from my trance by the nurse. I hold out my hands as the baby girl is placed in my hands. My heart skips a beat at the sight of her. A feeling I couldn't describe takes a hold of me. I hold onto her, letting the baby girl nuzzle into me.

''What's her name?'' I blurt out to my mom. She and I were the only ones in here now.

''I wanted you to name her.''

I look up baffled at my mom.

''Me?''

''Yes, I never... I want her to be... close to you.'' She tries to explain.

I think about it for a long time. A name for my new little sister that I didn't want, but holding her now, I did want.

''Nadia.'' I state.

My mother raises an eyebrow in my direction.

''It means _hope_,'' I explain. ''I want her to hold onto hope, no matter what. It's something we all need.''

''Wow...'' My mother chokes out.

''Nadia Rae Smith. That's you baby girl.'' I sing to her, pulling her in closer to me.

(Emma's POV)

''I must be hallucinating, I thought I saw Livia's family today.'' Kara states, closing her eyes.

''Must be.''

The sad reality was, Livia wasn't the same. She was alone, I knew it. I heard what Jordi did, but I couldn't change it. I begged him to talk to her, but he pushed everyone away. He said he didn't want to cause her anymore pain. He showed us her story, and we cried and laughed with Livia. We knew what she had been through, she was alone then and thinks she's alone now. I wish we could show her she wasn't.

''You miss her like crazy, like me right?'' Kara asks.

''Of course I do. She misses us too, she's not ready to come back though.''

We both stay silent. Livia would've filled this silence with a funny story. Oh Livia, what happened to us?

(Livia's POV)

I didn't know why I was doing this. Holding Nadia gave me a whole new feeling. I knew I had to do this. Emma's room looked so familiar, and I wanted to plop down next to her and Kara and go back to the way things were. I know I had lost this privilege from them though, and I was willing to face that. I knocked on her door frame quietly, earning their glances.

''Mind if I join?'' I ask.

I walk in slowly, waiting for them to react. Emma gets up meeting my height and pulls me into her. Kara joins and we're all hugging. Tears are shed, and we're all blabbering.

''I've been horrible I know. It's been hard, I couldn't face you guys after Jordi broke up with me. I wasn't myself. It wasn't fair to you, I'm so sorry.'' I hiccuped out.

No one responds, and I know they've forgiven me. I didn't deserve them as friends. I hear people walk up behind us and I turn to see Dash and Leo smiling at me.

''I knew my love would return for me!'' Dash shouts, running over to me. He picks me up and spins me around.

''I couldn't stay away too long.'' I played along with him.

Leo comes up to me smiling. He wraps one arm around me and pulls me into him.

''We missed you Livia.'' He whispers.

''I promise to visit more, it's been hard... with...everything.'' I beat around the bush.

''So you two still not talking?'' Leo digs deeper.

''No.'' I truthfully answer.

I quickly decide to change the subject. Jordi wasn't what I wanted to talk about. My heartbreak was still too real for me. Admitting his absence in my life was too much for me.

''I have a new sister.'' I announce.

Everyone gushes over me.

''Her name is Nadia Rae, I named her!''

''That's awesome!'' Emma squeals.

''What a beautiful name.'' Kara smiles.

I blush, I was already treating Nadia like she was my own child. It was stupid, but it gave me peace in a way. Knowing I had some connection with her helped me realize that without my mom, Nadia and I could manage.

''How are you two ignoring each other so easily?'' Emma blurts out.

Here we go with Jordi again. I turn towards Emma, all my attention on her.

''I want to be with Jordi Emma. I really do. I...love him.'' I admit. ''He doesn't want me with him, and I can't stand to see him right now. It's just too hard not to fall right back into his arms. He broke up with me. There's nothing more to it. I've tried to call him, and text him. He ignores me, so I have to ignore him. It's what he wants. I feel so alone without him, but I've been alone before. Nothing I can't handle.'' I try to make a joke out of it. No on laughs.

Everyone stands around me quiet. Dash tenses up, I can sense it. I turn towards him, trying to cool him down.

''That son of a bitch.'' He mutters.

He storms off and before I know it, we're all in the swamp, watching Dash bursting with anger. I watch from the hall, knowing that I couldn't force myself to move into that room if I wanted to.

''You did that to Livia! After everything you guys have been through! You don't deserve her!'' Dash screams in his face.

''I know that!'' Jordi screams back.

I step into the room, after hearing that. I see Dash jabbing at Jordi and I know it can't end well. Dash moves his hand back and swings at Jordi. He connects and Jordi stumbles back. I hold my breath, waiting for Jordi to fight back. He doesn't, just stands waiting. Dash moves again and this time I grab his arm.

''Dash, I love you, but please, don't do this.'' I murmur.

He stops and looks at me. His expression softens, and his body loosens up. I hold onto him, afraid what would happen if I didn't. Would I go running to Jordi? Would I run away? Dash was my rock at this moment, and I was planning on holding onto him as long as possible.

''Livia I... miss my friend.'' Jordi mumbles.

I hide my face into Dash's back, I couldn't look at his eyes. I would forget everything and go right back to him. I wanted him to love me again, to stay with me. I couldn't, he wouldn't.

''I can't do this Jordi. Friends isn't in the cards for us. You broke up with me, remember? I loved you Jordi, and you just called it off when things got tough. I still do love you, so I can't sit back and just be friends.'' I say, my voice muffled by Dash's shirt.

I start back and steal a glance at Jordi. His eyes are the same way I remember. Warm, deep, and welcoming. I wish I could wake up every morning looking into those eyes. I shake the thought from my head and head out of the room. I send Emma a text saying I'd be visiting soon, but I had to go. I went back up to my family and watched them cradle and hold Nadia. Everyone loved the name and the meaning. I gave them a weak smile, but no one noticed my pain. It was fine though, I could mask it up. Nadia cried, and no one could understand why. Soon I held her and she went quiet, closing her eyes again and reaching out for my finger to hold. I smiled.

''She already likes Livia the best.'' Ethan complained.

''Livia's a mother hen, that's why.'' Cecilia said rolling her eyes.

I ignored them. I wasn't alone with Nadia. She was a part of me, and I would do anything for her. I was determined to give her everything I never had. I watch her sleep and open my mouth to sing to her in a whisper.

_You are my sunshine_

_Oh yes my sunshine_

_You make me happy_

_When skies are gray_

_You'll never know, Nadia_

_How much I love you_

_Please don't take my sunshine away._

''You sang it wrong. It's my only sunshine, not oh yes my sunshine.'' Reese barks out.

''I have more than one sunshine. You and Nadia.''

Reese smiles and I motion for her to come sit by me.

''You're going to be a good big sister, you know that?'' I tell Reese.

She looks down at Nadia with a smile.

''I hope so. I want to be like you Livia.''

Tears well up in my eyes. Although I've been through a lot this is the most emotional time for me. Reese wanted to be like me. I smiled and gave Reese a side hug, while holding Nadia in my other arm. I had done something for them. Something meaningful. It was enough to lift up my spirits. I knew now, with my two sunshines, I would never truly be alone.


	30. Baby Girls

_**Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait! Wait, how long has it been? 7 days? Man it seems like forever because all I'm doing is writing. I have 4 books I'm working on, so yeah. Being an author is what I want to do when I'm older. I'm only 15, so I have time to improve. Thanks for dealing with me….**_

''My baby girl!'' I squealed, crawling over to Nadia and tickling her. Her giggles filled the room and I found myself laughing with her.

Nadia is now two months old, still young, but she laughs now. I've been taking care of her since she's come home. My mother is home, it's not like I have to. I feel important, like I mean something to someone. It's what I needed from Nadia, to let me take care of her. My mother and I kept our distance, and I can't explain why. I wanted to feel closer to her, but something was pulling me away from her. It was a comfortable distance for the both of us. We never socialized alone, nor did we want to. It was a bad relationship but I didn't care. I had Nadia.

''Hey Livia. Where's mom?'' Cecilia questioned, bounding down the stairs to go eat.

''I don't know, she might have gone out, or maybe she's asleep. You know i don't really talk to her.'' I stated annoyed.

I picked up Nadia and walked over to the kitchen ready to feed her. I got the bottle and prepared the formula. I sat down on the couch as she ate. It was always the same thing every morning. A routine, which I was fine with. I would play with Nadia in the early morning as everyone woke up. Cecilia would come running down stairs asking me about mom. I gave her the same answer and she gave me the same response.

''You should talk to her more Livia.'' She mutters.

I ignored it. There was never going to be a different relationship with my mother. She was getting better, but for everyone else. I could tolerate her for that. She was being a mom, somewhat, to my other siblings, so I wasn't allowed to hate her. I stayed my distance, and took care of Nadia. No one seemed to mind. My phone buzzed, but I had to ignore it because Nadia was still eating. When she finished up, she let out a loud. I put her over my shoulder and burped her and then laied her down. She was out in a matter of minutes. I looked at her sleeping self and smiled. Nadia had given our family hope again. I reached for my phone and looked down. It was Emma. I kept my promise this time and I actually visited them. It was strange, seeing them there. I talked to everyone except Jordi. Whenever I visited I made sure Jordi wouldn't be there. I didn't hate Jordi, I never could. I loved him, and I couldn't face him.

Emma: Can you pretty please visit today?

Livia: Sure, when and where?

Emma: Today, in my room, anytime really. Jordi won't be here.

Livia: Good, I'll stop by later today.

Emma: See you then.

I let out a small smile. I couldn't wait for the day when everyone was out of the hospital and we could just visit each other normally. I put away my phone and glanced back at Nadia. She was still passed out, so I ran upstairs to change. I pulled on some floral print shorts and a plain white v-neck shirt. I pulled my blonde hair into a high ponytail. I put on some light makeup and looked in the mirror. I didn't try to look any deeper than my appearance. I gave myself a nod before rushing back downstairs to see Nadia. Reese just woke up and was in the living room waiting for me.

''How's my Reesie pieces?'' I asked.

I picked her up and spun her around with me. She giggled and it warmed my heart. Nadia and Reese were the most important people in my life. I would always take care of them.

''Good, I'm hungry.'' She moaned as I put her down.

''Well let's fix that, what do you want?'' I asked pulling her towards the kitchen.

''Cereal!'' She exclaimed.

''I can make you something, are you sure you want cereal?''

''Absolutely.'' She sang.

I got out a bowl and poured her favorite cereal. Honey Nut Cheerios spilled onto the counter as Reese's hand dived into her breakfast bowl, shoveling the cereal in her mouth. I reached out and grabbed her hand laughing.

''Wait for the milk!''

She pulled her hands back as I poured in her milk. I slid her breakfast over to her and watched her eat for a little bit. Nothing was more satisfying than watching my two little girls be happy. I'm glad they had a mom and all, but I'm also glad they can depend on me. I walked back into my living room seeing that everyone was now up. I crossed over and sat next to my grandma.

''Hey, can I go visit my friends today?'' I asked.

''Of course, just be home in time for dinner. Do you need a ride? When are you going?''

''No, I can drive. I'll probably leave to visit them at ten.''

''Sounds good dear, now let me go get ready.''

My grandma stood up and placed a kiss on my forehead. I smiled and thanked her. I was lucky to have such good grandparents, I would be lost without them. I got back up at the sound of Nadia's whimper. I picked her up from her playpen and cradled her. I softly sang to her to soothe her.

_You are my sunshine_

_Oh yes my sunshine_

_You make me happy_

_When skies are gray_

_You'll never know_

_Nadia_

_How much I love you_

_Please don't take my sunshine away_

Her whimpers stopped as she cuddled into me. I held her little hand in mine, feeling somewhat safe from the world.

''Livia has to leave a little bit today, but I'll be back baby girl.'' I whispered like she could understand me.

''She doesn't know what you're saying.'' Reese pointed out, coming to stand next to me.

''I know, but I talk to her anyway, it's how she learns.''

I sat down on the couch and Reese followed. She outstretched her arms signaling me she wanted to hold Nadia. I handed her over carefully and watched Reese hold her little sister.

''You're going to be the best big sister Reese.''

''I want to be like you Livia.''

It was hard not to reach out and spin her around declaring how much I really loved her. I choked back a sob and smiled at her.

''And I want to be like you and Nadia Reese.''

We sat smiling at each other. I knew we would both remember this day for a long time. It was just us three, and I was fine with that.

Ten rolled around faster than I expected and I had given Nadia to Cecilia to watch for a little bit. That is until my mother decided to wake up, if she did. I hopped into my car and took off to the hospital. I pulled up in the parking lot and took the walk inside. I walked past the nurse's station and waited for my visitor's pass. I greeted Nurse Jackson, Brittany, and Kenji with a smile and a hug. I never went a visit without saying hello to them first.

''Good to see you Livia as always.'' Kenji spoke up in the middle of our hug.

''You know me, can't stay away.'' I joked.

''Off to Emma's room?'' Nurse Brittany asked.

''Yep.''

''You're a good friend.'' She added, patting my shoulder.

''Alright, well I'll see you guys another time. Thanks for everything.'' I returned. I gave them a smile and a wave before heading to Emma's room. I made it and walked in without being invited. The beauty of friendship at it's finest. Emma looked up from her book and smiled. I made my way to her and gave her a hug. Dash soon entered and I walked over to him too, planting a kiss on his cheek. Leo was at chemo, so I couldn't see him. As for Kara, she was being released today! I was so excited for her. She texted me about it, and told me to call her tomorrow. I promised I would call and hang with her afterwards.

''So, looks like our group is getting smaller.'' Dash added taking a seat on Emma's bed.

''Yea, we're getting better.'' I stated sitting down next to Emma on her couch.

''You left, Charlie left, Kara's leaving. Who's next?'' Emma questioned.

''Hopefully you.'' I poked her side making her laugh.

I had seen the improvement Emma has been making. She has obviously gained weight, which is amazing. After we started spending more time with each other she got better. She has taken a good turn, and would soon be leaving too. That's what her doctors keep telling her, and that's what I'm telling her too. I'm the only one she needs to hear it from though.

''I'm ready for it this time.''

She stood up and spun around in a circle, enjoying herself. I smiled at my best friend, glad she could finally be happy.

''When we all leave, we have to promise to live near each other.'' Dash declared.

''Maybe, if I can handle being you're neighbor.'' I joked.

We both joked around with each other for a little bit until Dash got a text.

''It's Jordi, he wants to talk with me.''

My smile deflated, just the mention of his name caused my heart to skip a beat.

''Okay Dash, I'll visit again, go see him.''

He nodded, and warily got up and left. Emma noticed my change in mood and came to sit next to me, slinging her arm around my shoulders. I sat, no tears this time I promised.

''Love doesn't go away.'' She murmured after a period of silence.

''I know.'' I whimpered.

''Maybe one day, he'll make things right.'' She whispered.

''I hope so.'' I admitted.

I wanted Jordi back, but I knew we couldn't be together, at least not now. He needed to get better and I needed to stay better. I just hoped that one day would come already when Jordi and I are allowed our happily ever after. I rubbed at the necklace he had given me. I wore it everyday, and it gave me security. I should've probably given it back, but I couldn't will myself to. It was my protection and it was my only trace of Jordi left, that I was allowed. I missed him, and I rubbed at the charms harder.

''He loves you, he tells me almost every day. He wants to see you.''

''I know he loves me, that's why he pushed me away.''

She turned me to face her, forcing me to look in her eyes. It was almost like she was trying to read me like her books. She stared at my eyes for a long time before speaking again.

''Maybe it's time to let him pull you back in again.'' She suggested.

I sat for a minute thinking. I wanted to scream I would let him, but I couldn't. Nadia and Reese were my priorities, and I had to focus on them. If Jordi wanted me back, he would have to find me. I had a promise to my baby girls. I intended on keeping that promise till the day I die. No matter what. I told Emma to give him my greetings and soon I was leaving. I was walking out when I caught sight of someone. Jordi. I watched him for a while, noticing all the little things he does. He was talking with Dash in the hallway, I had no idea what about. I watched his usual ticks, him brushing a hand through his hair, or him biting his lip every so slightly. It made my toes curl and I had to peel my eyes away from him. I turned back around and walked back to my car. I headed back home to the people I knew would forever love me. It was time for me to show Nadia and Reese that I was there forever, and I would always be there forever.


	31. Fear

_**Author's Note: I've decided to write this whole story in one. There will be no sequel to this story. It will finish in one story. So I hope you enjoy reading Livia's story. There's more to it. :)**_

''Remember what I said about fear Livia?''

''I know I'm suppose to step away from myself and recognize fear. I allow myself to feel it for five seconds and then step away from fear.''

Mrs. Harris nodded with a smile. We were having our weekly therapy sessions, which always seemed to help. I was doing well, not thinking about the past and it was nice knowing I could still keep in touch with Mrs. Harris. She means the world to me, and I loved all the help she can give.

''So, tell me about your plans for college?'' Mrs. Harris asked me excitedly.

''Well, I'm only 16, but you know how I skipped a grade. I did well in school, participated in summer school, so now I have enough credits to graduate. I stopped going to school and I'm awaiting college.'' I told her.

''So when do you plan on going?''

''I don't know, I might wait until I'm 18. I mean I want to give Nadia and Reese a little time to grow up some more.''

''Livia...'' Mrs. Harris started.

''What?''

''You shouldn't put your life on hold for them. I know you love them, but in the end, they're not your kids, and you're not their mom.''

''But... I'm afraid.''

''Of what?''

''I'm afraid something bad will happen to them, without me being there.''

''Livia, at the end of the day, you have to live your life.'' She stated sadly.

I let one single tear fall down my cheek.

''I know, and that's what scares me the most.''

(Jordi's POV)

''Jordi, you have to talk to her.''

Emma glared at me standing in front of my bed. It's been three months since I broke up with Livia. Three whole months of missing her.

''It's too late, she'd never forgive me.''

''So don't try at all?''

I rolled over in my bed facing away from her. I thought about Livia everyday since she's been gone. I still loved her to death, and everyone knew it. It was too late, Livia was all better, and I would just stand in her way.

''Emma.'' I stated.

''Jordi, I don't think you realize how much you meant to her. She loved you Jordi, and you took that and shattered it. I know you never meant to hurt her but you did, and you staying away isn't doing her much good either.''

Livia never loved me. Did she? Think about what she said the last day you saw her. What did she say? Something along the lines of... the realization hit me. I sat up in my bed, planting my feet on the floor and rushing over to Emma.

''Where is she?!'' I almost shouted.

''Mrs. Harris's office, but be quick, I think she's suppose to be leaving now.'' She said with a smile on her face.

I wasted no time and soon I was taking off towards Mrs. Harris's office. I could hear her soft voice as I approached her office. And then I saw her. Her blonde soft curls fell down her back, and all I wanted to do was run my hands through them. Her eyes were bright and lit up the room. Her lips were full and pink, and I knew how they would feel against my own. She gave Mrs. Harris a hug before walking down the hallway, leaving. She didn't even notice me. My feet started moving towards her before I could even tell them to stop. I caught up to her and grabbed her arm and pulled her into a supply closet. Terror filled her eyes as I shut the door.

(Livia's POV)

I was walking down the familiar hallway that would lead me out of the hospital. I knew I would have to keep walking down this hallways three times a week until I was okay enough to stop seeing . As I was walking I felt a hand grab my arm and pull me into a supply closet. Terror overwhelmed me and my first instinct was to attack. I clawed at the figure eyes closed tight afraid I might look into the eyes of another attacker. I was prepared this time after Luke, and no one would stop me.

''It's me Livia, it's me!''

I stopped, dropping my arms at my side. I froze, knowing the voice all too well. I opened my eyes to see a pair of deep brown eyes staring at me.

''What the hell Jordi, you scared me half to death!'' I shouted, slapping at his chest.

I heard him let out a small laugh at my pitiful attempt at being mad. I found myself smiling at his laughter, but then stopped reminding myself I wasn't suppose to be here with him.

''Why am I here?'' I asked annoyed.

''Well, we haven't talked, for two months. I wanted to talk to you.''

''About what Jordi?'' Anger now present in my voice.

I notice every moment both me and Jordi made in the small closet. There wasn't really enough room to keep us at a distance I liked. My back was up against the wall and Jordi stood a few inches in front of me his hands resting on the wall. I watch him run his hand through his hair, a nervous habit. I bit my lip, I didn't want to notice all the things that would drive me crazy about Jordi.

''Um... well. I mean, I just want to be your friend again, at least give me that.''

I softened my expression wanting to look more welcoming towards his ideas. I never once thought about how our relationship was affecting him. I gave him a small, but reassuring smile to let him know I was listening.

''Jordi, we'll always be friends. It's hard when... feelings... are confusing and-''

''Why do they have to be so confusing?'' Jordi cut me off.

''Because, you broke up with me and ever since then it's been weird.''

Nothing was said, silence was the only answer. I shifted awkwardly at the silence, not really knowing what to say.

''You know I'll always love you Livia.''

''Jordi, please don't do that to me.''

''Why?''

''Because, you'll just make me fall more in...You'll make me more crazy about you.''

His hands moved slowly down from the wall and onto my hips. I tensed up under his touch, but made no moves to stop him.

''Why do we have to complicate feelings Livia?''

''I-I ... don't know.'' I stuttered.

His hands gripped tighter on me, only making me want to squirm.

''Do you still trust me Livia.''

He leaned in closer, and I could feel his warm breath on my ear making me shiver.

''Yes.'' I answered immediately.

I saw him smile and my heart melted at the sight of it. I didn't mean to, but I closed the space between us, my lips on his. I reacted in no time and soon he was kissing me back. My thoughts went away at that moment. I've missed this for three months, I was crazy for waiting this long. I moved my hands to his hair giving it a slight tug earning a moan against my lips from Jordi. We stayed like this for awhile, not really knowing how much time we were actually spending. My thoughts kicked in and I pushed Jordi away.

''Jordi we can't...'' I stammered, getting teary eyed.

''Livia we can, I promise-''

''Jordi, I have two daughters to worry about now, I can't afford getting heart broken by you again.''

He stared back at me, obviously trying to pick out his words carefully.

''Livia you said daughters.'' He stated.

I looked at him annoyed, I said girls not daughters. I was trying to replay the words that just escaped my lips. I did say daughters. I put my hand up to my mouth and let out a muffled cry. What was happening to me?! I looked up at Jordi in terror. I held back my tears and let myself fall into Jordi. I sat with my head nuzzled into Jordi's chest, and his arms wrapped protectively over me.

''Promise we can be friends again, so I have you back.'' I whispered against Jordi.

''Always Livia.''

I looked back up at him, especially his eyes. Those eyes have helped me through so much, and I trusted them undoubtedly from the start. The same feeling overwhelmed me at this moment today. How does he have this affect on me? Did I do the same thing to him?

''Jordi...''

''Yea?''

I moved myself back into his arms nuzzling myself closer to him. I closed my eyes and let out a small voice.

''I'm glad we're friends again.''

I felt his chest move as he laughed. He gave me a kiss on the top of my head, running his hand through my hair.

''Me too Livia.''

(Time Skip)

''My baby girl!'' I squealed walking over to Nadia.

She let out a giggle and I found myself smiling at her. I picked her up in my arms and held her close to me. I noticed she needed a diaper change so I brought her over to the station. I set her down and was about to start when my mom came downstairs to interrupt me.

''Livia, what are you doing?''

''Changing Nadia's diaper, why?''

She looked annoyed at me.

''Well, I'm the mom, I do the mom stuff.''

''So?''

''So let me do it, I'm the mom.''

She sort of shoved me aside and I stayed put watching her. must of said something to my mom about me feeling I was the mom of Nadia and Reese. Why else would she be acting like this? I watched my mom stand frozen in time, not moving.

''Mom?''

''What!'' She almost shouted.

''Do you know how to change a diaper?'' I questioned calmly, taking another step closer to her.

She looked down at her hands embarrassed. A new shade of pink was filling her cheeks.

''I'm sorry.'' She muttered.

''No, mom it's okay, I'll show you.''

My mom stood over my shoulder as she watched me take care of Nadia. When I was done, I handed her to my mom, noticing how she held Nadia. She seemed distant, but looked like she was trying. I gave a sad smile at the sight of it all. Poor Nadia, wasn't getting much of a mother either.

''So where'd you learn to take care of babies?'' My mother said filling in the silence.

I looked at her surprised. Did she forget? Did I really have to remind her?

''Um... well I took care of Reese, and I learned.'' I stammered, rubbing my neck with my hand. It was a nervous tick.

My mom looked at me and her eyes widened for a quick second. She looked back down at Nadia who seemed uncomfortable in her arms.

''Oh.. yeah.''

My mom walked over and put Nadia down back in her playpen. I watched my mother drag her feet through the living room and back up the stairs looking defeated. I let out a loud sigh before reaching down and picking Nadia back up. I looked at her and wondered how she would grow up.

''She doesn't mean to hurt you.'' I whispered.

Her little hand wrapped around my one finger lovingly.

''She tries for you Nadia. You gave her hope. You gave me hope.''

I watched her eyelids drop lazily, tired. I walked her upstairs and up to her room. Reese had followed, loving the bed time ritual.

''Ready?'' I questioned, turning towards Reese.

She smiled at me and nodded, I turned my attention back towards Nadia who was dozing off in my arms. Both me and Reese started singing.

_You are our sunshine_

_Oh yes our sunshine_

_You make us happy _

_When skies are gray_

_You'll never know Nadia_

_How much we love you_

_Please don't take our sunshine away_

I set Nadia down in her crib carefully, making sure she was okay. I turned back towards Reese and picked her up into a giant hug. She held onto me with a death grip.

''Come on baby girl, lets go watch a movie.''

''Then bedtime and you sing?''

''Yes, bedtime and then I sing.''

I never knew how much love I could share with these two. It was crazy to think I could be happy over the fact my mother wasn't a very good mom. Although it pained me to see my mom so upset, even though I don't like her, I was thankful for the relationship I received with my family. The best things are the little things. Like our song.


	32. Moving On

**Author's**_** Note: So a lot of people are asking for a um dirty scene between Jordi and Livia, so I attempted one, not too much though. I know I haven't been updating as much but I'm still writing stories! Once I have them published I'll let you guys know. Any suggestions on what I should write next? Let me know! **_

It's my 18th birthday today. It's crazy how fast time has flown by when you're running around after two girls and doing college courses at the same time. I only have two more years until I graduate and I've decided I want to be a nurse. Nadia is two years old running around like a maniac, giggling and tearing up the wrapping paper that lays on the floor.

''Your little sister is crazy!'' Dash exclaims.

''It must run in the family.'' Kara adds jokingly.

''You have no room to talk.'' Leo counters.

''I think she's adorable. Both Livia and Nadia. Come here Nia!'' Emma coos kneeling down on the floor for Nadia to run into her arms.

I looked around the room at everyone. Kara, Dash, Leo, Emma, and Jordi are all here. Thank God everyone stayed close to L.A., even Jordi and his grandma moved down here. Charlie came and visited me earlier today, but he couldn't stay for the party. He was doing great, but fact of the matter was, he had a lot of catching up to do after his coma. As for Leo, he's been having a hard time lately, but he keeps fighting. Emma has gained more weight and finally looks happy. Dash has never been better and has even starting dating a girl named Mya, who he loves with all his heart. Kara hasn't started dating, and I don't think she ever will. She says she plans on adopting a baby girl who'll she'll treat well. Jordi and me are both single, and we both know why. These past two years have been weird between us. We've had time when we can't stand to be in the same room together. Other times it's hard to keep our hands off of each other and trying to act like we don't feel anything happening between us. I've wanted to get back together with him, and I would in a heart beat. The only thing is I worry about the girls, so for now we're whatever. My grandparents decided to leave us alone for now, but I had my family party earlier today. Ethan is off in college, he wants to be a cop. As for Cecilia, she got married even though we all called her crazy. She married her high school sweetheart and still live near us. She doesn't exactly know what she wants but for now she's happy.

''Nia! Come here!'' Reese shouts.

Nadia runs over to Reese with open arms. Reese is now 9, turning 10. She's been happy growing up, and she says it's all because of me. Nadia seems happy too, and I'm blessed with that. The only thing wrong with the picture is the absence of my mother. She still lives here, she's unemployed, but she's trying. At least her definition of trying. I live in my own apartment now so she had to step up her game. Nadia still gravitates towards me and Reese considers me her mother even though I've tried to shake the idea from her head. My mom was out at her AA required meetings. She really loves it there and it's helped her through a lot, which I'm thankful for.

''You look beautiful today. You're all grown up.'' Jordi whispers.

He moved closer to me on the couch and I gave into him. I rested my head on his shoulder missing his familiar warmth. His hand wrapped around my shoulders and I smiled. Reese saw and made a face.

''Ew, Livia loves Jordi!''

I stuck my tongue out at her and she smiled, obviously satisfied. It wasn't a lie I loved Jordi. I really did, and I actually think, if he wants to, I would get back together with him.

''Ew Reese!'' I joked.

He looked down at me with those deep brown eyes, and I wanted to feel his lips against mine in that instance. I had to look away so I wouldn't fall right back into him. Both me and Jordi sat in silence watching the girls play on the carpet. Kara, Emma, Leo, and Dash were all having a conversation on what place we should go for graduation. I decided against telling everyone I graduated two years ago.

''JoJo.'' Nadia spoke, waddling over to Jordi with her arms up.

Jordi grabbed Nadia, setting her down on his lap. Nadia loved Jordi, ever since he first visited about two years ago. Nadia would try so hard to say Jordi, but instead decided on JoJo. I found it adorable, and Jordi loved it. She reached out for me and put her hand on my cheek. I smiled at her and she climbed into my lap. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight.

''I love you Nadia.''

''I luh you Livia.''

This was the best birthday I've ever had, and I really meant it. The party started to end once I put the girls up to bed for the night. My mom walked in at about 10, looking annoyed at all the company. Everyone basically took that as it was and decided to go. Jordi stayed back with me to help clean up a little bit. My mom wished me a happy birthday but nothing more. Things have been hard on our relationship, one of the big things was Nadia calling me mom. I had to teach her to call me Livia. After my mom heard what Nadia said, she barely talked to me. It was okay with me though, I was fine without our forced conversations.

''Come on, I'll drive you home.'' He offered.

We both jumped into his car as he followed my instructions to my house even though he probably knew the way by heart. I would call him up at night to calm me down if I was freaking out. He was the only one I trusted enough to calm me down.

''Are you still a virgin?'' Jordi asked out of no where.

I tensed up, not prepared for the conversation.

''Why are you asking me Jordi?'' I tried to laugh it off.

''Cause.'' He said with a shrug of his shoulders.

I tried to read more into it. Was he trying to hook up with me? Why would he ask out of no where?

''Is there something you want to talk about?'' I asked carefully.

''Yea, let's wait till we get back to your house.''

We both sat in an awkward silence. When we pulled up into my apartment complex I didn't know what to feel. I hopped out of the passenger seat and made my way to my apartment. I fumbled for my keys in my purse as I felt Jordi's eyes on me. I unlocked my door and stepped in, feeling Jordi do the same close behind me. I offered him a seat on the couch and I sat directly across from him. We both sat staring at each other until Jordi spoke up.

''Am I suppose to be moving on from you Livia?''

''What do you mean, we still hang out and stuff.''

''No I mean like in a real relationship wise.''

I stared down at my hands, picking at my nails.

''I don't know, do you want to?''

''Seriously, is that even a question in your mind?!''

I stood up from the couch and made my way over to the kitchen, pacing back and forth.

''Would it be right to get back together? I have the girls to worry about, college, money. What happens if we fall out? Then I lose you as a friend too, I can't go through that Jordi. I need you in my life, even if I can't love you.''

He stood up and made his way over to me. He grabbed me by the shoulders making me stop pacing and let out a small laugh at the sight of me.

''I'm not leaving Livia. I still love you.''

''Jordi-''

I was cut off by Jordi smashing his lips onto mine. It's been almost two years since we've kissed in that janitor's closet when I told Jordi I needed him around. I made no hesitations to kiss him back, our lips moving in sync with each other. I missed him, and I craved his touch. He gripped at my hips tightly and pushed me up against a wall. I moved my hands up his chest, but he grabbed them and pinned my hands above my hand. His lips trail down my jawline and I moan out loud. He drops my hands and they immediately move to the collar of his shirt, pulling him in closer to me. Jordi lifted me up and I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist. He had his hands on the small of my back, not breaking our kiss as he carried me to my bedroom. He placed me on the bed carefully and hovered over me tugging at my shirt. I slid the material over my head, and pulled off my jeans. Jordi pulled away to do the same. My hands roamed his chest when he came closer to me. His lips moved back down to my neck.

''I love you Livia.'' He mumbled against my skin.

His hands started roaming higher up my body. His lips moved away and he leaned his lips down by my ear.

''I love you so much Livia.'' He whispered.

I shivered feeling his breath on me. I grabbed him by the hair and pulled him back down onto me. His hands moved to the back of my bra and I didn't do anything to stop it. His hands stayed still, almost like he was waiting.

''I love you too Jordi, more than you know.'' I murmured against his neck.

I felt his hands move, and soon we were both completely vulnerable to each other in ways I never imagined before.

(Time Skip)

The sun shined in my eyes making me whine. I rolled over to the warmth that occupied my bed. I snuggled in closer to them, my face buried in their chest. My legs wrapped around theirs and all I wanted to do was hold on tight. I felt a pair of hands move to my hip, pulling me towards him. Our bodies were pressed together and I couldn't help but smile.

''Good morning beautiful.'' Jordi purred in my ear.

''Morning.'' I mumbled.

Neither of us moved for a long time. Jordi stroked the hair out of my face and moved his hands up and down my legs making me shake. I close my eyes and start to drift to sleep when I feel the covers move and I get cold. I grab for the covers to cover myself and sit up in bed. Jordi already has his jeans on and I watch him for a minute.

''Toss me that shirt.'' I say pointing to his shirt on the ground.

''I should make you get up and get it.'' He said with a smirk.

''Oh stop being suggestive.'' I blushed.

He threw me the shirt and I pulled it on easily. I stepped out of bed grabbing my clothes that were thrown on the ground last night. I slipped on a pair of shorts on and followed Jordi to the kitchen. I noticed he was on the phone so I stayed quiet, getting myself a cup of coffee. He looked nervous almost, he kept giving me pleading glances. Once he got off the phone he let out a loud sigh and turned to me.

''What's wrong?'' I asked grabbing his hand.

''My mom.'' He whispered, looking down at our joined hands.

''What happened?''

''She's gone.''

I let the coffee cup slip from my hands and onto the floor and pulled Jordi into me. I kept kissing him, his lips, his cheeks, his jawline, his neck, anything to try to mask the pain.

''You and your abuela can stay here for a little bit if you want, to try and make things easier.'' I murmured.

He just nodded in agreement, holding me close to him. He never shed a single tear.

''I guess we both have to keep moving on.'' He whispered looking down at me.

''Together.'' I said just before I laid my lips down on his.

He pulled back and held me close again.

''Together.'' He reassured.


	33. Us

_**Author's Note: Seems like you guys enjoyed the last chapter… hmmmm I wonder why? :) I keep getting requests, so I'm trying guys. Anyway, here's another chapter, hope you enjoy. Happy Readings!**_

After Jordi and I stopped holding each other in the kitchen he just walked into my room. I watched him go, then I knelt down and cleaned up the broken glass shards of my coffee cup. I walked over to my home phone and dialed Emma's number. We called each other every morning, out of all my friends, me and Emma were the closest, but Dash is a close second.

''Hey Livia, what's up?'' Emma answered in a cheery tone. I could hear Leo laughing in the background.

''Well Jordi's going to be staying with me a while.'' I blurted out.

She was silent on the other end so I continued.

''We had this talk and then... well we're back together.'' I stated.

''Good.'' She simply stated. ''I have a feeling there's more to him staying with you though. Is there something goin-''

''His mom is gone Emma, and I have no idea what to do for us.'' I whimpered.

''He loves you Livia, just being with him and showing your love will help. Now go be with him.''

She hung up the phone, leaving me holding the phone to my ear listening to the tone. I hung up the phone and went to my room. I saw Jordi laying in my bed, his back to me. I climbed in next to him and he immediately moved to grab me. He pulled me into him and we were left holding each other.

(Time Skip)

''We should probably go tell your abuela you want to move in.'' I murmured.

''Not yet, I just want you.''

We were both laying in my bed, holding onto each other. It's been like this all day. Jordi hasn't cried once with the news of his mother, and I don't know how to react. He keeps telling me he just wants me there, but I feel like I should be doing more for him. For us.

''You know I love you right?''

I bury my head into his neck, kissing him lightly. I wanted to get some reaction out of him. I wanted to make him feel something, he's been distant and quiet, something he never does.

''Why?'' He stammered.

''You're eyes make me want to melt into you. You're hair is perfect for running my fingers through. You're voice could put me to sleep.'' I continued.

I moved my way closer to him, straddling him, tracing his collarbone with my finger. He closed his eyes just keeping his hands around the small of my back.

''You're the kindest person I've ever met. You always look for the good in people. You're a strong, brave, amazing man. You make me feel alive and I love you.''

I leaned over so I could get closer to him. I let my hands rest on his chest as I slowly kissed his jawline. I felt him tense up, but he didn't react otherwise. His hands stayed on my back holding on lightly. How could I make him feel any better? was I completely in the wrong for trying this?

''Jordi.'' I said pulling away from him.

He opened his eyes in response and looked up at me. I let out a sad smile at the sight of him. He was upset, but I had no idea how to make it better.

''I love you.'' I said kissing his cheek.

''I love you too.'' He whispered.

He closed his eyes again, and this time I let out a loud sigh. I was going to get some kind of reaction out of him to take his mind away from everything. He always did the same for me. I didn't care how I would. I leaned down again over him and slipped my hands under his shirt and let them rest on his chest. He tensed up a little bit, but didn't do anything.

''You know Jordi, you were my first.'' I whispered.

He let out a loud breath, but kept his eyes closed tight.

''Jordi...'' I mumbled.

My lips moved to his neck and his grip tightened making me smile to myself. I let my hands slide down his chest and stop at his waist. Out of no where lightning struck, then booming thunder that felt like it shook the house.

''Jordi!'' I screamed, putting all my weight onto him.

''Livia it's okay.'' He laughed.

Then the lights went out, and I was clinging to Jordi as he was laughing at the sight of me. All I could hear was my heart pounding and the thumping of rain on the apartment building. He sat up still holding me and laid me down on the bed. Jordi got up and paced around my room.

''Do you have any candles or anything Livia?'' He asked.

''No, I used the last of them up last time the power went out.'' I spoke.

''So what do we do with the lights off on a rainy day?'' He asked.

I couldn't see him, but I could picture the smirk that was on his face right now.

''We call your grandma to make sure she's alright.'' I countered.

I heard him laugh and his footsteps come closer. I felt the bed shift and he was hovering over me.

''My cousins are there, she'll be fine.''

His lips moved to my neck, and I tried to focus on the matter at hand.

''You're a lot more talkative now.'' I murmured, biting my lip.

He pulled away and I could see his face only inches from mine. I couldn't see all his features in the dark, but his eyes shined, and I could see them clearly.

''I feel horrible Livia.'' He muttered. ''She wasn't great I know. Even now when I know she's... I don't feel anything. It's like I miss her, but I expected this.''

He grazed my bottom lip with his thumb and I closed my eyes trying to think of something to say.

''You shouldn't feel bad. She didn't care, and it cost her. I have no idea how to make this better for you.'' I whispered, and let out a small laugh.

His lips came crashing down onto mine making me lose my breath.

''You always make it better.'' He mumbled against my lips.

I pushed him away to look into his eyes.

''How? You're always the one helping me. I have no idea how I'm helping you. How?'' I pleaded.

He spoke no words, he just kept his lips on mine. He pulled me into his lap, making me wrap my legs around his waist. His hands roamed to the bottom of my shirt and his hands slid in. Both our breathing started to become heavier. His lips moved to my collarbone his hands moved out form my shirt and he tugged at the material. I had nothing on underneath the shirt and he knew it. I stopped his hands, but he moved his lips to my neck.

''Jordi no. You're sad and upset, we can't do this when you're-''

''I'm not upset, and I know exactly how to make this right. I need to surround myself with people I love. I want you. I need you.'' He pleaded, his lips an inch away from my ear.

I reach my hand to the nape of his neck and pull him down onto me. My lips meet his and we move in sync. His hands lifted my shirt off leaving me exposed.

''I need you too.'' I mumbled against his neck.

(Time Skip)

I fluttered my eyes open to the sound of Jordi getting up and out of bed. I smiled to myself before rolling over to my side, trying to sleep again.

''Wake up Livia.'' Jordi cooed.

''Nooo.'' I whined.

I reached over the side of my bed and grabbed Jordi's shirt. It was longer on me, falling down to my mid thighs. I slipped it on over my head and I pulled the covers up over my head hiding from Jordi. I heard him laugh then his footsteps coming closer to me. I couldn't help but smile under the sheets when I felt Jordi sitting over me. I felt his hands on me, I tensed up waiting.

''Come on Livia... or else.'' He warned.

''Nope!'' I shouted back at him.

His hands pulled back the covers in one brief movement. I gasped at the cold air and exposure. His hands moved to me and picked me up bridal style.

''Jordi!'' I yelled, clinging to him.

''I told you.'' He stated.

He carried me into the living room swinging me around in circles. I tightened my grip around his neck, closing my eyes and burying my face in his chest. I could feel him laughing, which only made me want to laugh. Jordi moved us over to the couch and dropped me in a heap. I couldn't stop laughing and neither could Jordi. Once we both calmed down I could actually look him in the eye.

''I heard you talking on the phone this morning.'' I started off.

''Yea, I was talking to my abuela. I told her how I wanted to move in here with you and she was happy with it. I was thinking we could go over there today and pack up some of my stuff.''

''Yea, sure I'd love to help. Just let me go get ready.''

I got up off the couch and scurried into my room. I got everything organized and headed into the shower. I was in and out, throwing on an old t-shirt and some shorts. I threw my hair up in a ponytail and put on some makeup. I looked presentable enough, plus Alma loved me either way. As I was finishing up my makeup I felt Jordi wrap his hands around my stomach, and his head resting on my shoulder. I looked at the both of us in the mirror. Jordi buried his face in my shoulder and lightly kissed me. I smiled placing my hands on top of his. We didn't say a word to each other, but that wasn't important. We both knew that we loved each other, and these little actions proved it. This was us.

''Alright, time to go.''

I heard Jordi muffle a response, but I didn't wait to clarify. I removed his hands from me and walked out to the living room, grabbing my phone and purse. I heard Jordi whine and mumble something but I just gave him a look. He followed me and we were out the door and in my car. Jordi didn't even bother giving me directions to his house. I knew the way by heart, although I hated to admit it to Jordi. I pulled up into the familiar driveway and parked. I spared no time to go up the steps and ring the doorbell. The house wasn't the biggest, only one story with a couple of rooms, but Alma made it feel like home for all her boys. Alma opened the door and immediately rushed us in. I was able to get a glance at her while she was getting us inside. Her eyes were red and puffy obviously from crying. She tried to put on some makeup, but in the end, she couldn't hide the pain. The loss of her daughter was unexpected, at least for her. She gave us a sad smile and pulled us into her. Both me and Jordi were in Alma's arms struggling to breathe. I managed to slip away to give Alma some time with Jordi. I could hear her whispering something to him as she held on tight to him. I smiled at the display of affection and walked into the kitchen, which was surprisingly empty. Usually someone was always here with Alma.

''Livia! You can't get away without a hug from me.''

I laughed at Alma shouting from the hallway. I started making my way back towards the hallway. I stood a little bit a way from them and waved at her. Alma rolled her eyes and motioned for me to come to her.

''I already got a hug from you Alma.'' I joked.

Nonetheless, I walked over to her anyway, and embraced her. We both pulled away and she looked between both of us.

''So my Jordi is moving in with his best friend.'' She smiled at us.

''Um... Abuela, about that.'' Jordi said, rubbing the back of his neck.

''We got back together. As a couple and everything.'' I stated before Jordi could.

Alma looked at us with no expression on her face. I shifted my weight on my feet not really expecting this response.

''Thank the Lord.'' She stated, rushing over to me again, a smile spreading across her face.

''I knew you loved each other. He missed you.'' She whispered to me while hugging me... again.

I couldn't muster up anything to say to her, but she seemed to understand when she pulled away and looked at my eyes. She seemed to be able to see what I wanted to say. She gave me a slight nod of her head and smiled again.

''So, you guys should get to packing then. I'll make you some breakfast.''

Before I could object to her doing anything for me, she was off in the kitchen. I turned to Jordi, his only response was a shrug. He grabbed my hand in his and led me to his room. I let go of his hand and turned to look at his room. It was pretty clean and all of his things were organized. At least today would be easy.

''I was thinking I could just pack clothes and anything else important to you. I have furniture and stuff so you don't need anything else to bring.'' I suggested.

Jordi turned me around to face him and pulled me into him. His lips found mine, and we moved in a familiar, comfortable way together. When the kiss ended he looked down at me.

''Thank you Livia, for everything.''

I just nodded, biting my lip, trying hard not to cry. I was becoming a baby, and the little things like this made me want to blabber about how happy I was. We both made a move towards his things and started packing everything into a suitcase. I stole quick glances at Jordi and found myself smiling at him. I finally got him back. There was finally an us again.


	34. Wherever

_**Author's Note: Sorry for making you guys wait! AH! WRITING IS CRAZY OVER HERE! I'm working on four stories. I'll let you guys know about them when they come out, but for now here's another chapter! ENJOY! LOVE YA GUYS!**_

''You want something to drink or anything Jordi?''

''No I'm good mi amor.''

I smiled at him, watching him pack up his things. We were just about done, and Jordi was lugging things back and forth from his old house to our new one together.

''I'm going to go get some water.''

I stepped out of his room and went into the kitchen. I grabbed a cup of water and studied the room. Pictures of Jordi's family hung everywhere. I stared at one in particular. It was Jordi in-between his grandma and someone else. I took me a minute to realize it was his mom. I never met her, and by the sounds of it, I never would. Jordi wasn't very fond of his mom, especially after what she did in the hospital. He told me once that she was gone, and he accepted it a long time ago. I finished my water and started heading back to the room when I heard voices. I stood still listening to them hushed tones.

''Where is your home!?'' Alma muttered.

''Home is where my heart is.''

''You're home is not here Jordi. It's in Mexico.'' Alma whispered harshly.

''My home is with her abuela.'' Jordi retorted.

Silence swept over the room.

''What about me?'' Alma asked pleading.

''I'll visit. I need her abuela. I love her. I want to be with her for the rest of my life.''

I stood rigid. He wanted me. This was all too real for me. Everything good comes to an end right? Am I allowed happiness and peace. I made the floors creak on purpose to show them I was there. I walked in a smile on my face.

''So.. ready to go home?'' I asked eagerly.

''Yea, I am.''

Jordi stood smiling at me.

''I love you.'' I blurted out.

Alma looked at me and rushed over to me. She held on to me tight. I buried my face in her shoulder, wanting to take away her pain.

''Take care of yourself. Love him with all your heart.'' She whispered.

I left the room to let Jordi say his goodbye to his grandma. We'd see her again, just not like before. Jordi had grown up, and he was with me now. I stood waiting by the front door. Jordi stepped up behind me and nodded at me. We could communicate with each other with no words. He wanted to go before anything else happened. We packed up into the car and drove home. Jordi reached over for my hand at a red light, taking his eyes off the road and landing them on me.

''We're going home. Together.'' He said smiling.

''Safe, and happy.'' I added.

He beamed at me and put all his attention back onto the road. We were home in no time. I gave Jordi the spare key and he made a big deal out of it. He picked me up spinning me around on the porch.

''Jordi.'' I laughed.

He put me down lightly and grabbed the small of my back. He opened the door and led me inside. He closed the door with his foot and threw the keys on the side table beside the door. My hands wrapped around his neck as I watched him carefully. His lips grazed mine and I tugged him in closer. He kissed me. This kiss was different. So much love and passion was running through it. He scooped me up and carried me off to my room. Our room.

''Jordi how come you always have one thing in mind?'' I joked.

''I've missed you.'' He mumbled against my neck.

''We can't. I have to babysit today.'' I retorted.

I pushed his shoulders back forcing his eyes to look at mine.

''What?! I have to wait!'' He complained.

''We live together Jordi. Whenever wherever...'' I trailed off rolling my eyes.

I laid down and he followed. He rested his head on my chest, listening to my heartbeat. I found myself playing with his hair, running it through my fingers.

''You know when we were in the hospital I would do this. When you were asleep laying with me, I would lean down and listen to your heartbeat. I wanted to hear it. It comforted me to hear you with me. To hear you were still fighting. It only made me think of one thing.''

His eyes met mine and he smiled softly.

''Your strength.'' He murmured.

(Time Skip)

''Reese I've told you probably thousand of times to unplug your chargers from the outlet!'' I shouted up the stairs towards Reese's room.

''Okay 'mom'!'' She joked back.

Nadia giggled resting on Jordi's lap. He was bouncing her up and down singing softly to her. Nadia loved Jordi to death. My grandma and grandpa were in the living room with them, watching with smiles on their faces. I had told them me and Jordi were together and they were close to tears. They hugged Jordi and whispered something to him. They loved him. Everyone loved Jordi. I sat down next to Jordi watching him holding Nadia close to his chest.

''The girls really love you.'' I murmured to him.

''No, they really love you. You're amazing with kids.'' He said, watching Nadia extend her arms out to me.

I took Nadia and stood her up on my lab. She started playing with my face, making me laugh in return. She smiled her cheeky grin at me, making my heart swell.

''Livia will be a great mother one day. You'll be a great father one day too Jordi.'' My grandma added.

I blushed thinking about the thought. Both of us facing the world together, as husband and wife. It made me feel excited, but I was rushing. Jordi doesn't think like that.

''Don't get ahead of yourself grandma.'' I mumbled.

Just before my grandma could say anything my mom comes bellowing through the front door.

''I finally got my own apartment! Come on I'm leaving finally!'' She yelled.

Everyone fell silent staring at her. She came over and took Nadia out of my arms. She whimpered a little bit, but didn't fight her mom.

''Reese!''

Reese came running down the stairs at the commotion. She stood at the bottom of the stairs looking between all of us.

''What's going on?'' She said, directing her attention towards me.

''Mom got her own apartment. She wants you guys to pack and move in with her.'' I whispered tears welling up in my eyes.

Reese looked at our mom wide eyed.

''But, I don't want to go.'' She stammered.

''Reese don't start. Go pack.''

I tensed up and I felt Jordi's hands wrapping around me trying to calm me down. It was too late though I was already standing facing my mom. I was just as tall as her now, and she didn't scare me anymore with her looks. I grabbed Nadia from her and gave her to my grandma. I glared at my mom watching her every move.

''They're better off living here.'' I spat at her.

''They should be with their mother.'' She argued, standing up taller.

''What that's you? They don't think of you as a mother. You're never around! You never will be mom! Don't you get it?'' I pleaded.

''I'm trying Livia!'' She yelled.

''It's not enough mom! It's too late!''

''Too late for me to be a mom to them, or you?!'' She countered.

I glared at her opening my mouth to say something back, but nothing came to mind. Jordi stood up spinning me around to face him. He stared down at me placing his hands on my shoulders.

''Livia.'' He warned.

''Oh who's this!? Jordi's your boyfriend again?! Yay, now you can go live your happily ever without me!''

I closed my eyes, trying to ignore her. I opened them to see Reese staring at me. She looked at me and nodded. She went over and grabbed Nadia placing her on her hip.

''Mom, we're not leaving, we'll be in my room.''

Reese walked tall and proud back up the stairs to her room. My mom watched astounded.

''Fine you know what?! I'll leave, they can stay here!'' She shouted.

I couldn't take it anymore.

''They need you mom! Don't run away again!''

I yanked away from Jordi's grasp storming towards her, pointing a finger in her chest.

''You left me! Don't leave them!''

''I'm not gone anymore Livia! I'm right here! I've always been right here! Where do you want me to go?! What do you want from me!''

''I don't want anything from you. I want you to be a mom for Reese and Nadia's sake.''

My mom started breaking down tears streaming down her face.

''You can't stay angry at me forever.'' She wailed.

''I'll die trying.'' I said angrily.

This time Jordi was pulling me away from my mom, giving us more space.

''Forgive me!'' She begged.

I tried to look at her differently. Her ice blue eyes pleading with me. Could I forgive her? I tried to feel bad for what I was doing but I couldn't. All I saw was the druggie that left me. The angry mom who was always yelling at me for something.

''I'm sorry mom...'' I started. ''I can't forgive you. I can't be here with you.''

I pushed past everyone keeping my head down walking out the front door. I was done for today. I got in the passenger seat of my car and cried. I felt horrible for what I just did. I was mean, and unwilling to change. I heard the driver's seat door open and watched Jordi step in. He started the car and we were already off to our house.

''I know what you're thinking. You're not a horrible person Livia.'' Jordi said breaking the silence.

I stared out my window staying silent.

''I'm not horrible, I'm just mean.''

Jordi let out a sad sigh before speaking again.

''You're both not happy with the relationship you guys have. It takes time to heal that sort of thing.''

''I can't be happy with her.'' I muttered.

Jordi reached for my hand.

''I thought the same thing with my mom. Don't make the same mistakes I made.''

His hand moved away and he left me to think. We made it back t o the house and walked inside. I sat down on the couch, head in my hands.

''I worry about the girls.'' I admitted.

He sat next to me and wrapped his arm around my waist.

''They know you're there for them.''

I sat up and looked him in the eye.

''How come you're so good at cheering me up, but whenever you're upset I can't even get you to smile?'' I asked.

''You're good at cheering me up.'' He simply stated.

I rolled my eyes at him earning a laugh from him.

''Can we just sit and watch a movie or something. I don't feel like doing anything.''

''Yea, but I want you to know something.''

He pulled me into him, letting a kiss linger between us.

''Wherever you go, I'm with you.''

He stared at my eyes, pulling me in closer.

''My home is with you.'' I mumbled.

We kissed again, holding each other close.


	35. PLEASE READ!

_**THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER!**_

_**This is a note I have for all my supporters out there. Life has been hard lately, hence me not posting as often as I usually do. Frankly, I haven't been quite motivated. Checking in on this story it looks like it has ran it's course. Like you guys are done with the story for the most part. Unless I hear otherwise I want to end this book somewhat soon. There might be five chapters left to this story. Quite possibly less. I love all you guys who read, and especially those of you who take the time to review and then follow me and my story. I really appreciate it. I don't get that as much now, but I never expected this much success in this story. I AM NOT DONE WRITING! I will continue to write other stories as well. Some here, some on Wattpad. So if you guys have any requests on a story, I'll try. Thanks for all the support. I'll try to update this week if I'm not feeling completely desperate. Love you guys, and I thank you for everything you've done for me. **_

**_-Foreverlost98_**


	36. Connection

_**Author's Note: Hey guys! I actually had a good day today, so I decided to update! SORRY TO KEEP YOU GUYS WAITING I HATE DOING THIS TO YOU ALL, I¨M HORRIBLE TO MY READERS I APOLOGIZE! Anyway, enjoy! SORRY IT's SHORT! I'm HORRIBLE!**_

_Three Months Later_

(Jordi's POV)

I laid with her in my arms, intertwined with each other. I kissed the top of her forehead wiping the hair out of her face. She looked so much younger like this, more vulnerable. Only when she spoke did you realize how wise she was, and especially how strong she was. I laid a little while longer, letting my hands run up and down her arm. She cuddled into me making my heart race. I wanted to be here for her forever, but I hadn't told her everything. Ever since her and her mom were again on speaking terms, I didn't want to ruin it with my news. She was so happy to finally have a family. She was beaming after we returned home yesterday from her old house where she got to see all her siblings and grandparents and mom.

''I'm going to leave to Mexico Livia.'' I whispered into her hair.

My grandmother had moved to Mexico after a couple weeks after I had moved out. She wanted to be home, and I was holding her back. She at least deserved that. Plus she wanted to remember her daughter as much as she could. It was time for me to visit for a little bit, but Livia had no idea. She was there when my grandma had left, a teary goodbye. I think she's afraid I'm going to leave her for Mexico, so it's easier to hide it from her.

I moved slightly, placing her head down onto the couch carefully. I watched her for a minute making sure she was still asleep. I moved quietly and quickly throughout the house, grabbing everything I would need for today. I managed to change really fast and grab a bite to eat before I grabbed the small gift and my keys, ready to drive.

''Te amo mas de lo que sabes.'' I whispered

I was out the door in no time turning on the engine of the car rushing to my first problem I needed to solve before I left. I drove down the familiar roads to the spot. It was a short drive thankfully, and I stepped out of the car feeling nervous all at the same time. I made my way up the steps warily, knocking on the door three times. I could hear the hinges squeak as they opened and I was greeted by the sight of Livia's grandfather.

''Jordi? Is there something wrong?'' He asked carefully.

''No, I just wanted to talk with you.'' I stated.

He moved gingerly, allowing me to pass through. Once I did we shook hands giving each other a brief hug. I could hear Livia's grandma shouting something to her husband before she came rushing in.

''Jordi how lovely.'' She cooed, rushing over to hug me.

''Nice to see you Mrs. Parker.''

She slapped my arm playfully before giving me a stern look.

''For the last time Jordi, my name is Cathy, call me Cathy.''

''Okay, Mrs- I mean Cathy.'' I blabbered.

She smiled before she looked between her husband and I, a nervous energy around us. I heard Livia's mom come stomping down the stairs to see all the commotion. Her eyes widened as she saw me rushing over to me.

''Is Livia okay?'' She asked immediately.

''Yes, she's fine Abby.''

''Oh good.'' Her whole body relaxed.

''So, um, can we sit?'' I asked nervously.

We all moved to the living room, sitting across from each other. They stared at me with anticipating eyes. Especially Abby.

''Well, you guys both know how much I love Livia.'' I stammered, rubbing the back of my neck nervously.

''Of course I can see it.'' Abby bellowed.

''Yes...'' Cathy trailed off.

''Well, I have to leave for Mexico soon for a few months.'' I announced.

Cathy gasped and Mr. Parker was giving me a stern look. Abby stared down at her hands, picking at her nails. A nervous habit.

''I don't want Livia thinking I'm leaving forever, because I know she will.'' I informed.

''Yep, Livia she's use to... um...'' Cathy gave Abby a sideways glance. ''um... people leaving her. It scares her.''

''I'm not leaving her. Ever. We have a connection that I can't shake. I truly love her.'' I admitted, looking them all in the eye.

Abby closed her eyes letting her head fall back.

''Livia loves you too. More than herself.'' She muttered.

''So, what are you trying to say Jordi?'' Mr. Parker asked.

I grasped both my hands together tight. I closed my eyes for a second. Was I ready for this? The memory of Livia's face when I first saw her flashed in my face. Her sweet features and smile made me want to know her. To hold her. To love her. Another memory of her running, throwing her head back laughing flashed in my mind. Her soft lips parting to let commands pass through. She was so happy. I knew then I couldn't leave that.

''I want to marry her. I wanted to ask you for her hand in marriage.''

Abby stood up rushing over to me, standing directly in front of me. Looking up at her I saw the same features in Abby as I did Livia. She ushered me up, and then pulled me into her tightly.

''You're perfect for her. I couldn't ask for anyone else.'' She mumbled.

''Thank you.''

''We give you our blessings.'' Cathy spoke up for both her and her husband.

Tears threatened to spill over thinking of Livia as my wife. I smiled at them walking over to shake both their hands.

''Thank you, I promise to love her forever.''

''We know.'' Mr. Parker reassured.

I stayed for a little bit talking about how I should propose. Livia still needed to say yes after all. We came up with a plan, and I headed back on home with a huge smile on my face that couldn't quite disappear.

(Livia's POV)

I woke up to look at the clock again. When I had woken up this morning Jordi was gone. I waited and it's been two hours since then. I knew I was being ridiculous but I was scared. Anxiety kicks in when you least want it to.

''He's just probably out doing something with Leo.'' I muttered to myself, pacing around the living room.

''Or maybe I was out getting work done.''

I spun around to see Jordi standing in the doorway, closing the door behind him with his foot.

''Jordi!'' I complained.

I walked over melting into him. He took in a long breath wanting to suffocate in his scent. Old Spice, I was a sucker for it and Jordi knew it too. His hands traced small designs into my back making me smile to myself.

''We should talk.'' He whispered, planting a kiss on my neck quickly.

I looked up at him worried. Jordi never took this kind of tone, which scared me. I grabbed his hand sitting us both down onto the couch facing each other. I sat holding both his hands waiting.

''I'm going back to Mexico in two days for five months.'' He blurted out.

My heart clenched in my chest. He was leaving me. I knew it. He had family down there and I was the only reason he was still up here.

''I-I don't know what to say.'' I stammered.

I let go of his hands, instead, clutching my stomach. I looked down at the material of the couch

''Livia.'' He slurred, tipping my head up at him.

''You're leaving.'' I whimpered.

''No, I'm not leaving.'' He whispered.

He tried to kiss me, but I turned my head, forcing him to kiss my cheek. He leaned back startled. I let myself cry silent sobs in front of him.

''I love you Jordi, and no matter how much I want you here I won't force you to.'' I cried softly.

''Livia, my home is still with you. I'm going to visit, my grandma needs some help.'' He explained.

I cried louder this time, violent cries racking my body. Jordi tried to grab at me because he knew very well what was coming. A panic attack. I got these often, but they had faded when Jordi was around. It was pathetic.

''Don't Jordi.'' I muttered, pushing myself farther away from him.

I stood, but that was a mistake. My world started to spin as black dots faded my vision. My breath hitched in my throat and I had to force out each breath. I felt like I was drowning, and no matter how much I tried to tell myself I was safe, my body wouldn't stop. I could go on like this for hours, terror taking me over completely. Jordi rushed to the kitchen grabbing my medication for anxiety attacks. He forced the pill down my throat and clutched me to his body as I screamed. I was little again, trying to make my dad stay. I was watching him die again. I was in the hospital. I was alone until... I started to calm down the medicine kicking in finally. I was alone until the Red Band Society took me in. I let myself be held, and rocked as Jordi swayed us.

''I'm not leaving you.'' He whispered.

I closed my eyes tight listening to his familiar heart beat. It soothed me at times like these.

''I'm yours.'' He repeated kissing me anywhere his lips could reach.

Jordi pulled us over to the couch laying down bringing me into him. We faced each other as he stared down at me. He ran his hand through my hair and then placed both his hands around me.

''Livia I love you.'' He promised.

''I know.'' I squeaked.

''I wouldn't leave you.''

''Sometime the people we love leave.'' I reluctantly said thinking of my mom and dad.

He stroked my cheek so lovingly as if I was a porcelain doll. He grazed his lips over mine, before meeting me all the way. He kiss me slow, passionately, and tenderly. Jordi had a way of expressing more emotion with me with his kisses than with his words.

''I love you more than you know.'' He whispered against my lips.

''Don't leave me.'' I begged, clinging to him.

''Never. Know that.'' He pleaded.

I pulled away gingerly staring up at those same eyes that have saved me from so much. I wasn't my own hero, he was, and it scared me. Will he love me forever? Will we stay together? What happens to me after he leaves me? What do I do? We had a connection that was unbreakable, but what would happen if we were to break apart?

''When do you leave?''

''Sunday.''

I nodded slowly. Two more days until he was leaving for five months. I would be alone for five months and it terrified me. Lonely nights would be spent and I would be lost in my own thoughts.

''Two more nights together hmm?'' I joked teasingly, raising an eyebrow.

''There's my girl.''

We laid together silent just looking at each other, studying the others face. Every little line and feature that no one else would notice.

''Jordi.'' I said breaking the silence.

''Hm?'' He said groggily.

''I'm going to be alone in an empty bed for five months.'' I said, trying to make it sound real.

''Me too. But I have an idea.'''

I looked at him, wide eyed in wonder. An idea? Would he stay?!

''What's that?'' I questioned lightly.

He quickly moved above me, hovering over me with a playful smirk on his face.

''We make every minute together count.'' He whispered seductively.

I laughed out loud at his seriousness.

''I knew there was a reason I loved you so much.'' I teased, pulling him down into me.


	37. New Reality

The two days went by way too fast. We mostly spent the day together with the Red Band Society. In fact, we even went to Charlie's 8th grade graduation together, which was a ball. We spent the nights completely alone though, and I fell in love with Jordi all over again each night. All good things must come to an end though, and this was the end. I couldn't stand the thought of losing Jordi for five months, so what I decided seemed the only reasonable answer. As much as I didn't want to I had too.

''Jordi are you ready? You have a flight to catch!''

''I'm ready!'' He shouted back, entering the living room with his suitcase behind him.

I chocked back a sob at the sight. He was actually leaving. I ran into his arm clutching him tight.

''Are you really leaving?'' I muttered, not wanting to believe this new reality.

''I'll always come back.'' He reassured.

''No you won't.'' I spoke, only for my ears.

We pulled apart, and left the house. Jordi took one last look at it, before looking down at me with a sad smile. We got in the car, holding hands as I drove to the airport dropping Jordi off. We made it to the airport and we walked in hand in hand, getting Jordi's ticket to Mexico. We sat down next to each other waiting for the moment.

''Flight #116, head to gate #3.'' The announcer called over the intercom.

''That's me.''

We both stood, me following Jordi as he headed to the gate, he turned around before he would enter. It was time to say goodbye to Jordi.

''Jordi, I love you, but I can't do this.'' I started.

''What are you saying Livia?'' Jordi asked, getting anxious.

''I'm breaking up with you Jordi.'' I cried, pulling him in for a kiss.

Jordi kissed me with so much passion I wanted to ball. He pulled away looking confused.

''Livia but-''

''Jordi, we just can't.''

''But Livia.'' Jordi started.

He started getting down on one knee, reaching in his pocket. This wasn't happening, I was daydreaming.

''Livia Marie Smith. I love you.'' He said pulling the box open.

I saw the ring and I wanted to pass out. People were watching, even some taking video of us. I stared down at him, unable to find any words.

''Will you marry me?'' He asked taking my hand in his.

I stood jaw dropped. I didn't know what to do or what to say. His brown eyes looked up at me and I knew they'd always be the death of me.

_The End..._

_Maybe... _

_**Author's Note: There's a reason this chapter, ending of the book is so short. The reason is it leaves so many possibilities open. I didn't want to overdo this moment. This is truly the end of the book, but you will get an answer. I will either be posting an epilogue for you guys, or another book, a sequel to this one. It's all up to you guys. The deal is, if enough of you comment your thoughts on this matter, I will do a sequel. If not, then you get an epilogue and the story is FIN, forever. So really this is up to you guys. Tell me what ya'll think! **_


	38. Epilogue

I stood in the hallway of our house that we had been living in for almost 4 years now. I was looking at the picture of my family on the wall, noting how much my life has changed. For one, I was a mother of a boy and twin girls, Felicity and Ruth who were now 5. I guess the twin gene really did run in the family because Cecilia had twins of her own. Danielle and Steven who were the same age as my own twins. I looked up on the wall, looking at all the monumental moments we went through as a family. The twins first birthday, Elias's first soccer game, Jordi and I's wedding in Mexico. I smiled at the memory.

''I miss you so much Jordi.'' I murmured.

Today was my baby boys 7th birthday, and we had a surprise party planned for him. I was so excited for him, but it also made me sad. My baby boy was growing up. Sure I was only 26 and had three kids, being a mom at this age was young, but I wanted as much time as I could get with my kids. It seemed to me this time was going by too fast.

''Felicity! Ruth! Get in here, before your brother sees you two!'' I shouted up at the stairs.

''Get out of the way Ruth!'' I heard Felicity yell.

''That's not how a race works Felicity!'' Ruth retorted.

The girls were laughing in no time, racing down the stairs to greet me at the end.

''Mama who won?!'' Ruth asked anxiously.

''It was a tie, now go by Reese.'' I instructed, ushering them to the kitchen.

I followed close behind smiling down at my girls. If only Jordi could see them right now. A lump formed in my throat at the thought of him. I quickly pushed it away. Today was about my boy.

''Hey, there's my favorite little nieces.'' Reese said, getting a hug from the twins.

I took a chance to look at my baby girls. Reese was now 16 years old, looking more and more like my late mother each day.

My mother had commited suicide when Nadia had just turned 5, Reese was only 12. For me, I was 21, and I was already raising Elias who was only 3 at the time. Nadia barely remembers our mother, but unfortunately, that's not the same story for Reese. She was the one that found my mother, sitting in the corner of her room dead. The girls had moved in with me shortly after the incident, and I raised them like my own. I managed to raise them with the money I made as a physicians assistant. It was good pay, and I even got to work at Ocean Park Hospital, so I still got to see the people that saved my life.

Reese's once blonde hair was gone, turning into a light brown as she aged. Reese went through phases, and couldn't quite decide on what she wanted to do with her appearance. She was drastically changing it because she hated looking like our mom. It reminded Reese of her, and that was hard for her. She decided to chop her once beautiful long locks, making a drastic change when she turned 16 a couple days ago. Her hair came to her chin, making her look much older. Her piercing blue eyes still remained the same, and she even started wearing makeup, something she had sworn she wouldn't do when she turned 13.

As for my Felicity, she was a fiery personality, with red hair to match. She had deep brown eyes just like her daddy, but she had my skin complexion. She also had my lips and face structure. She was a beautiful young girl, and she would grow up to be like that too. She was born to be a leader. Felicity was a smart little girl too, excelling in school for her age. She was a lot like me, which wasn't all good. Felicity had anxiety problems too, and she always wanted to be right. Since I've been through the whole counselling thing, I'm helping her through a lot of her stress.

Ruth was a lot more like Jordi in terms of personality. Ruth was athletic, even at her young age. She loved art, and she could sit in her room for hours drawing the same flower over and over again. She loved to learn, but the arts were her strong suits. She had the voice of an angel, like Jordi. She was more reckless though, and I caught her in trouble much more than my timid Felicity. She was caring though, and understanding. She was beautiful too, with her thick brown hair and her pale green eyes to contrast. She had plump pink lips, perfect for pouting. She too would be beautiful when she was older.

''You guys, where's my hug?'' Nadia asked, coming through the backyard door into the kitchen.

Felicity and Ruth ran over and gave Nadia hugs too.

Nadia was 9 now, and she looked a lot like my grandmother. She kept her brown hair in natural waves down her back. Her brown eyes could read anyone like a book in a matter of seconds. She loved nature, and it showed in her actions. She was outside most of the time, planting flowers, humming to herself. She was still my hope in the world, she always gave me hope.

''Come on guys, Grandpa is bringing Elias home now.'' My grandmother said through the screen door.

''Yea you should all listen to your grandma.'' Emma spoke up, her baby bump now visible.

''I wouldn't mess with Auntie Emma either.'' Leo stated, taking her side.

''No one does.'' Kara joked, her adopted daughter clinging to her skirt.

''Yea, no one in the Red Band Society would.'' Dash said. ''Not even Jordi.'' He said, giving me a quick glance.

Why was everyone mentioning Jordi! It was frustrating because every time I heard his name I wanted to cry. Stop it Livia, today is about Elias.

We all hustled outside into the back where Nadia and my grandmother, and the Red Band Society had decorated. Cecilia, Ethan, and their spouses and children came through the fence seconds later, hiding with us. I made sure everything was in place until I hid too.

''This is just hard on the knees now.'' Dash complained next to me.

''What you're old now?'' Charlie teased, nudging him.

''Not old, just tired.'' Dash said, searching for an excuse.

''Yea, I bet that wife of yours makes you pretty tired.'' Charlie joked.

''That I agree with you about.'' Dash said with a chuckle.

''Both of you shhh!'' I laughed, holding a finger to my lips.

Soon after crouching for a couple of minutes I heard Elias's voice ring through the house.

''Mama, we won the game today! I scored a goal!'' He shouted. ''Mama?'' He questioned once he realized I wasn't there. I smiled to myself trying not to laugh.

''Maybe we should check out back.'' I heard my grandpa advise Elias.

''Yea good idea!'' He exclaimed.

I heard the small click of his cleats hitting the kitchen tile before listening to the creak of the screen door.

''Now!'' I whisper shouted to the crowd.

We all jumped up, looking at a very shocked Elias.

''Surprise!'' We all hollered.

''No way!'' Elias shouted, running over to give me a hug.

''Happy Birthday Elias!'' I congratulated, hugging him back.

When I pulled away I knelt down to his eye level looking at my boy. To say he reminded me of Jordi was an understatement. He was a clear spitting image of him. Except Elias's eyes were more hazel, rather than brown.

''Well what are you waiting for? It's time to party!'' I said.

He gave me the biggest smile he could ever give, and soon we were all having the time of our lives.

(Later that Day...)

''Happy Birthday dear Elias...'' We all sang. ''Happy Birthday to you!''

''Make a wish!'' I instructed, patting Elias on the shoulder.

He nodded eagerly, closing his eyes and mumbling to himself. He blew out the candles in one clean breath, and then opened his eyes.

''Cake time!'' Ruth shouted, lunging for the cake.

''No Ruth, we don't do that!'' Felicity scolded like a mini me, pulling Ruth back.

''She's right.'' Reese pointed out.

''Oh, c'mon Auntie Reese.'' Ruth pouted.

''Hey, the real reason Reese told you to stop is because she wants all the cake to herself.'' Nadia teased.

''Oh, haha.'' Reese fake laughed.

''Auntie Nadia, you're funny!'' Felicity and Ruth said together.

I started cutting the cake, giving Elias the first piece. I handed out cake to everyone else.

''So what did you wish for?'' I asked my son, sitting down next to him.

''If I tell you it won't come true.'' He reminded me.

''Oh yea, sorry.'' I threw my hands up in the air. ''I forgot.''

''Mommy forgot something?!'' Elias teased. He got that from his dad always teasing me about me being so type-A personality.

''I guess so.'' I said with a smile.

I dug into my cake, but that didn't last long until Ruth was trying to shove the cake in her sisters face. I had to separate them, but I couldn't stay mad at them. I could never stay mad at them.

Once cake was done, all the kids went back into the tree house they were playing in before. That left Emma, Reese, Kara, and I to clean up the mess. We were done pretty quickly due to the fact most of us were working at a fast pace. When we came back out everyone split up, wanting to socialize with everyone at the party. I stayed back, looking at the scene.

''You kept your promise.''

I turned to see Reese standing at my side looking up at me.

''What?'' I asked confused.

''Your promise. You promised to take care of me. Look at us now. We're all happy.''

''Yea we are.''

I pulled Reese in for a hug, and for awhile we stayed like that.

''Well I should go probably talk to Cecilia. She won't stop obsessing over my hair.'' Reese rolled her eyes.

''You know Cecilia. Beauty queen she is, she just wants to show you some pointers.''

Reese laughed it off, walking away towards Cecilia who was trying to burp her baby girl, Ava, over her shoulder.

''Hey Livia.''

This time Nadia was at my side.

''Hmm?'' I questioned, picking her up.

Yea it was babyish, but I could still hold her and Nadia didn't mind.

''Do you miss him?'' She prodded.

I swallowed a lump in my throat. Jordi.

''Of course I do.'' I stammered out.

''I do too.''

We stayed silent for a while before Nadia managed to jump out of my arms.

''Hey Livia, he told me to tell you he loved you a lot.'' She mentioned.

''I already knew that.'' I said, tears running down my face, but I still managed a smile.

I looked back at the perfect scene that laid ahead of me. A huge family, together for a birthday. We were all happy, and most of all together. There was an absence though, and I knew everyone noticed it. Jordi wasn't here to sing for us anymore. He wasn't here to cheer anyone up. He wasn't here to love me. It hurt every single day since he left. I cried a lot at night, in my empty bed. Most nights, I prayed to God that Jordi would come back home, but a part of me sort of knew he wouldn't.

''I miss you so much Jordi.'' I mumbled, closing my eyes. ''You're in my heart forever.'' I added.

''Why in your heart when I can be right here?'' A voice questioned.

I turned around quickly and the first thing I saw were the eyes.

''Jordi!'' I screamed throwing myself in his arms.

He caught me, holding me tight.

''How did you get here!'' I shouted, clinging to him tighter, hoping this wasn't a dream.

''Well I had some help.'' He whispered by my ear.

I pulled him away only to literally attack him with my lips. I kissed every inch of him that wasn't covered with his military uniform.

''I. Missed. You. So. Much.'' I managed to say between kisses.

I let myself melt into him again, burying my head in the crock of his neck.

''I told you I would never leave you forever.'' Jordi whispered into my hair.

When I pulled away I turned back around at my family who was now watching. The kids didn't notice yet though, which I was excited for them when they did.

''You all planned this!?'' I cried out, happy tears falling down my face.

''We did.'' My grandmother spoke up smiling at me.

''Thank you! Thank God!'' I bellowed.

I turned back around, kissing Jordi again, and again, and again, and again.

''My wish came true! Daddy's home!'' I heard Elias yell.

I moved away from Jordi so our kids could say hi to daddy.

''Daddy!'' Felicity shouted out, following her older brother.

''Daddy! You're home!'' Ruth screamed, racing to get to him first.

They all collided into Jordi, who had open arms awaiting them. Our kids starting crying and so did Jordi. They clung to each other while Jordi whispered how much he loved them. I moved my way over to them joining in the group hug.

''No more leaving.'' Jordi stated. ''Daddy's home for good now.''

This only made them cry harder out of joy. I looked at all my kids, and then at my husband.

''How did I get so lucky?'' I asked out loud, kissing Jordi one more time.

We stayed like this in a perfect moment of pure bliss. We pulled away from each other when we had to gasp for air. I could hear the applause of our group when we all stood up together.

''Well, let's party!'' Jordi exclaimed, dropping his military bag on the floor.

(That Night.)

''We have a lot of cleanup to do huh?'' Jordi asked as I nuzzled into him.

I was craved the warmth he had which always seemed to make me feel at home.

''Yea, I can deal with that tomorrow, I just want to be with you right now.'' I whispered, pulling the blanket up higher.

The party ended shortly after 10. I had to put the kids to bed, which wasn't hard. They were beat tired, and exhausted from seeing their dad. It was emotionally draining. I said my goodbyes to people as they left, offering their kind words.

Reese ushered a goodnight as she took Nadia upstairs to their room for the it was just me and Jordi and the first thing he did when the door closed was come towards me. He carried me all the ways up the stairs, kissing me passionately. That's where we left off.

''You know I couldn't stop thinking about you and the kids while I was gone.'' He said, moving to hover over me.

''I couldn't stop thinking about you and neither could the kids.''

Jordi moved down to kiss my neck that sent me chills the same way it did when we were 16.

''It got me thinking about family.'' He muttered against my skin.

''Yea?'' I moaned out.

''I was thinking...'' Jordi trailed off. He moved back from me, taking off his shirt. I lifted mine off too staring back up at him.

''What?'' I begged, wanting him close again.

''I was thinking we try for number four?'' He asked, eagerness in his eyes.

I laughed out loud, watching him smirk.

''Yes.'' I answered after a while.

''Hmm?'' He asked shocked.

''Let's do it. Let's make another kid.'' I laughed out, pulling him onto me, kissing him.

''I love you so much Livia.'' He almost cried.

''I love you more than you'll ever know Jordi.'' I chocked back a cry too.

He leaned down and gave me the same kiss he did when we were in that janitors closet. Soft, passionate, tender, everything you hoped for in a kiss. I was happy with the life I had. I was happy I had the love of my life back. I was happy that I had the three forms of joy to grow up with me guiding them. I was happy for the next child to come into my world too.

I never suspected any of this when I woke up in Ocean Park Hospital that one day. This seemed like a dream, this life I was living now. I laughed in the middle of my kiss with Jordi, causing him to move back.

''What's so funny?'' He teased.

''This. This is our New Reality.'' I stated.

''Write a freaking book.'' He joked, moving his lips back onto mine.

Thank you Dad, for giving me strength. Thank you Mom, for giving me wisdom. Thank you kids, Nadia and Reese included, for giving me hope. Thank you Cecilia and Ethan, for giving me companionship. Thank you Grandma and Grandpa, for giving me help. Lastly, thank you Jordi, for giving me love. It's Jordi I owe this all too.

''I love you.'' I whispered again under his lips.

''I love you too, forever.''

_**Author's Note: I didn't get much feedback so I decided no sequel. So this is sort of the last chapter. An Epilogue, but I'll probably write a part two. I will update every once in a while to give you the scoop on Livia's life. So keep commenting and everything. THANK YOU GUYS FOR READING! This book means a lot to me because it's my first work. So keep on learning with me!**_

_**CHECK OUT MY ACCOUNT ON WATTPAD!**_

_**Some of you asked me to write a One Direction fanfiction, so I DID! Go check it out, it's called Our Love (Harry Styles Romance/One Direction)! Also, I'm working on a new book called Life After Death, so check it out! I'm Foreverlost98 there too! Or cloush0308 is my other name, same account. PLEASE GO CHECK ME OUT! LOVE YA'll TO DEATH! THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!**_


	39. My Story Time

_**Author's Note: People have been asking me how I made some of Livia's past stories up. Truth is I didn't. They're my stories. My Dad just didn't die like that. My mom is the same way. The stories are mine, so if anyone is ever going through a hard time, I'm here for all of you. If you ever want to talk, I'm all ears. I love you guys, and just know, eventually it get's better. Love you guys so much. Lot's of love goes your way.**_


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